---
title: "2 Dentist Quotes By Jack Handey"
description: "2 Dentist quotes by Jack Handey. Plus more from Jack Handey and more Dentist sayings from other authors."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/881/jack-handey-829_bills_at-first-i-thought-if-i-were-superman-a_16657.jpg"
---

> [At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth X-rays. But then I thought, if a patient said, "How's my back tooth?" and you just…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/at-first-i-thought-if-i-were-superman-a-perfect-secret-identity-would/)

[Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/881/jack-handey-829_bills_at-first-i-thought-if-i-were-superman-a_16657.jpg)

> [If Alien was my friend, I'd like to be with him when he went to the dentist. When they started drilling, he'd probably go nuts and start eating everybody. That Alien!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/if-alien-was-my-friend-i-d-like-to-be-with-him-when-he-went-to-the/)

[Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/52b/jack-handey-829_alien_if-alien-was-my-friend-i-d-like-to-be-wi_3089649.jpg)

## More by Jack Handey

> [Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/sometimes-life-seems-like-a-dream-especially-when-i-look-down-and-see/)

[Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/)

> [I think the best Thanksgiving we ever had was one where we didn't even have a turkey. Mom and Dad sat us kids down…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/i-think-the-best-thanksgiving-we-ever-had-was-one-where-we-didn-t/)

[Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/)

> [At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/at-first-i-thought-if-i-were-superman-a-perfect-secret-identity-would/)

[Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/)

> [Sometimes I wonder if I'm patriotic enough. Yes, I want to kill people, but on both sides.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/sometimes-i-wonder-if-i-m-patriotic-enough-yes-i-want-to-kill-people/)

[Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/)

> [I don't understand people who say life is a mystery, because what is it they want to know?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/i-don-t-understand-people-who-say-life-is-a-mystery-because-what-is/)

[Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/)

> [It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking to the president, because what if he tells a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/it-s-probably-not-a-good-idea-to-be-chewing-on-a-toothpick-if-you-re/)

[Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/)

> [Probably to a shark, about the funniest thing there is is a wounded seal, trying to swim to shore, because WHERE DOES HE THINK…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/probably-to-a-shark-about-the-funniest-thing-there-is-is-a-wounded/)

[Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/)

> [I wish I lived back in the Old West days, because I'd save up my money for about twenty years so I could buy…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/i-wish-i-lived-back-in-the-old-west-days-because-i-d-save-up-my-money/)

[Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/)

> [Why do there have to be rules for everything? It's gotten to the point that rules dominate just about every aspect of our lives.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/why-do-there-have-to-be-rules-for-everything-it-s-gotten-to-the-point/)

[Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/)

> [Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/most-people-don-t-realize-that-large-pieces-of-coral-which-have-been/)

[Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/)

> [Here's a suggestion for a new animal, if some new ones get created or evolve: something that stings you, then laughs at you.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/here-s-a-suggestion-for-a-new-animal-if-some-new-ones-get-created-or/)

[Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/)

> [When you go ice-skating, try not to swing your arms too much, because that really annoys me.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/when-you-go-ice-skating-try-not-to-swing-your-arms-too-much-because/)

[Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/)

> [When you go to a party at somebody's house, don't automatically assume that the drinks are free. Ask, and ask often.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/when-you-go-to-a-party-at-somebody-s-house-don-t-automatically-assume/)

[Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/)

> [He was a cowboy, mister, and he loved the land. He loved it so much he made a woman out of dirt and married…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/he-was-a-cowboy-mister-and-he-loved-the-land-he-loved-it-so-much-he/)

[Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/)

> [If you were a gladiator in olden days, I bet the inefficiency of how the gladiator fights were organized and scheduled would just drive…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/if-you-were-a-gladiator-in-olden-days-i-bet-the-inefficiency-of-how/)

[Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/)

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