--- title: "4 Dead man Quotes By Joseph Heller" description: "4 Dead man quotes by Joseph Heller. Plus more from Joseph Heller and more Dead man sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7bc/joseph-heller-601_dead-man_there-were-usually-not-nearly-as-many-si_696298.jpg" --- > [“There were usually not nearly as many sick people inside the hospital as Yossarian saw outside the hospital, and there were generally…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joseph-heller/there-were-usually-not-nearly-as-many-sick-people-inside-the-hospital/) [Joseph Heller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joseph-heller/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7bc/joseph-heller-601_dead-man_there-were-usually-not-nearly-as-many-si_696298.jpg) > [“When I was a kid, I used to walk around all day with crab apples in my cheeks. One in each cheek.”…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joseph-heller/when-i-was-a-kid-i-used-to-walk-around-all-day-with-crab-apples-in-my/) [Joseph Heller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joseph-heller/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/81b/joseph-heller-601_apples_when-i-was-a-kid-i-used-to-walk-around-a_1355518.png) > [“The dead man in Yossarian's tent was a pest, and Yossarian didn't like him, even though he had never seen him. Having…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joseph-heller/the-dead-man-in-yossarian-s-tent-was-a-pest-and-yossarian-didn-t-like/) [Joseph Heller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joseph-heller/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e6a/joseph-heller-601_dead-man_the-dead-man-in-yossarian-s-tent-was-a-p_1653337.png) > [ “They \[the dying in hospitals\] did not blow up in mid-air like Kraft or the dead man in Yossarian's tent, or freeze… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joseph-heller/they-the-dying-in-hospitals-did-not-blow-up-in-mid-air-like-kraft-or/) [Joseph Heller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joseph-heller/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/209/joseph-heller-601_catch_they-the-dying-in-hospitals-did-not-blow_1942653.jpg) ## Other authors on Dead man - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b019/author-patricia-briggs-73497.jpg) Patricia Briggs 5 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/dead-man/patricia-briggs/) ## More by Joseph Heller > [“Yossarian was moved very deeply by the absolute simplicity of this clause of Catch-22 and let out a respectful whistle. "That's some catch, that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joseph-heller/yossarian-was-moved-very-deeply-by-the-absolute-simplicity-of-this/) [Joseph Heller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joseph-heller/) > [From men motivated by moral certitude, history teaches, no lasting good ever comes.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joseph-heller/from-men-motivated-by-moral-certitude-history-teaches-no-lasting-good/) [Joseph Heller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joseph-heller/) > [I’m cold,' Snowden said softly, 'I’m cold.' 'You’re going to be all right, kid,' Yossarian reassured him with a grin. 'You’re going to be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joseph-heller/i-m-cold-snowden-said-softly-i-m-cold-you-re-going-to-be-all-right/) [Joseph Heller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joseph-heller/) > [The enemy is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joseph-heller/the-enemy-is-anybody-who-s-going-to-get-you-killed-no-matter-which/) [Joseph Heller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joseph-heller/) > [“They think that they’re smart and that the rest of us are dumb.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joseph-heller/they-think-that-they-re-smart-and-that-the-rest-of-us-are-dumb/) [Joseph Heller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joseph-heller/) > [“There was only one catch and that was Catch-22, which specified that a concern for one's safety in the face of dangers that were…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joseph-heller/there-was-only-one-catch-and-that-was-catch-22-which-specified-that-a/) [Joseph Heller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joseph-heller/) > [“Captain Flume was obsessed with the idea that Chief White Halfoat would tiptoe up to his cot one night when he was sound asleep…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joseph-heller/captain-flume-was-obsessed-with-the-idea-that-chief-white-halfoat/) [Joseph Heller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joseph-heller/) > [“Depreciating motels, junked automobiles, and quick-food joints grow like amber waves of grain.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joseph-heller/depreciating-motels-junked-automobiles-and-quick-food-joints-grow/) [Joseph Heller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joseph-heller/) > [“That was where he wanted to be if he had to be there at all, instead of hung out there in front like some…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joseph-heller/that-was-where-he-wanted-to-be-if-he-had-to-be-there-at-all-instead/) [Joseph Heller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joseph-heller/) > [I had examined myself pretty thoroughly and discovered that I was unfit for military service.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joseph-heller/i-had-examined-myself-pretty-thoroughly-and-discovered-that-i-was/) [Joseph Heller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joseph-heller/) > [“Yossarian was moved by such intense pity for his poverty that he wanted to smash his pale. sad, sickly face with his fist and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joseph-heller/yossarian-was-moved-by-such-intense-pity-for-his-poverty-that-he/) [Joseph Heller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joseph-heller/) > [You have deep-seated survival anxieties. And you don't like bigots, bullies, snobs or hypocrites. Subconsciously there are many people you hate." "Consciously, sir, consciously,"…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joseph-heller/you-have-deep-seated-survival-anxieties-and-you-don-t-like-bigots/) [Joseph Heller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joseph-heller/) > [“His specialty was alfalfa, and he made a good thing out of not growing any. The government paid him well for every bushel of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joseph-heller/his-specialty-was-alfalfa-and-he-made-a-good-thing-out-of-not-growing/) [Joseph Heller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joseph-heller/) > [Every writer I know has trouble writing.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joseph-heller/every-writer-i-know-has-trouble-writing/) [Joseph Heller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joseph-heller/) > [“No such private nights of ecstasy or hushed-up drinking and sex orgies ever occurred. They might have occurred if either General Dreedle or General…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joseph-heller/no-such-private-nights-of-ecstasy-or-hushed-up-drinking-and-sex/) [Joseph Heller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joseph-heller/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/dead-man/joseph-heller/#itemlist", "name": "4 Dead man Quotes By Joseph Heller", "numberOfItems": 4, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“There were usually not nearly as many sick people inside the hospital as Yossarian saw outside the hospital, and there were generally fewer people inside the hospital who were seriously sick. There was a much lower death rate inside the hospital than outside the hospital, and a much healthier death rate. Few people died unnecessarily. People knew a lot more about dying inside the hospital and made a much neater job of it. They couldn’t dominate Death inside the hospital, but they certainly made her behave. They had taught her manners. They couldn’t keep Death out, but while she was there she had to act like a lady. People gave up the ghost with delicacy and taste inside the hospital. There was none of that crude, ugly ostentation about dying that was so common outside of the hospital. They did not blow-up in mid-air like Kraft or the dead man in Yossarian’s tent, or freeze to death in the blazing summertime the way Snowden had frozen to death after spilling his secret to Yossarian in the back of the plane. “I’m cold,” Snowden had whimpered. “I’m cold.” “There, there,” Yossarian had tried to comfort him. “There, there.” They didn’t take it on the lam weirdly inside a cloud the way Clevinger had done. They didn’t explode into blood and clotted matter. They didn’t drown or get struck by lightning, mangled by machinery or crushed in landslides. They didn’t get shot to death in hold-ups, strangled to death in rapes, stabbed to death in saloons, blugeoned to death with axes by parents or children, or die summarily by some other act of God. Nobody choked to death. People bled to death like gentlemen in an operating room or expired without comment in an oxygen tent. There was none of that tricky now-you-see-me-now-you-don’t business so much in vogue outside the hospital, none of that now-I-am-and-now-I-ain’t. There were no famines or floods. Children didn’t suffocate in cradles or iceboxes or fall under trucks. No one was beaten to death. People didn’t stick their heads into ovens with the gas on, jump in front of subway trains or come plummeting like dead weights out of hotel windows with a whoosh!, accelerating at the rate of thirty-two feet per second to land with a hideous plop! on the sidewalk and die disgustingly there in public like an alpaca sack full of hairy strawberry ice cream, bleeding, pink toes awry.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Joseph Heller" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joseph-heller/there-were-usually-not-nearly-as-many-sick-people-inside-the-hospital/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7bc/joseph-heller-601_dead-man_there-were-usually-not-nearly-as-many-si_696298.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7bc/joseph-heller-601_dead-man_there-were-usually-not-nearly-as-many-si_696298.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7bc/joseph-heller-601_dead-man_there-were-usually-not-nearly-as-many-si_696298.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“There were usually not nearly as many sick people inside the hospital as Yossarian saw outside the hospital…” — Joseph Heller", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“When I was a kid, I used to walk around all day with crab apples in my cheeks. One in each cheek.” I threw the book down. It was impossible to read anything with a guy like Orr around you. “Why?” I finally asked. “Because they’re better than horse chestnuts,” he answered with a twinge of triumph in his voice. “Why’d you walk around with crab apples in your cheeks? That’s what I asked,” I said, glaring at him. He didn’t notice, of course. He was still pacing around the room. “When I couldn’t get crab apples, I used horse chestnuts. They’re about the same size and actually have a better shape, though the shape don’t matter much. Who belongsa this?” He was holding the hunting knife from the mosquito-net bar by the dead man in our tent. That guy Orr’d pick up anything. I told him it was the dead man’s. So he chucked it backwards, and it landed three inches away from the dead man’s head. If Old Orr had better aim, it probably woulda killed the guy, if he weren’t already dead. “Why did you walk around with anything in your cheeks?” I was losing my patience now. You always lose your patience when you’re talking with a guy like Orr. “I didn’t walk around with anything in my cheeks. I walked around with crab apples in my cheeks, and when I couldn’t get crab apples I used horse chestnuts. In my cheeks. One in each cheek.” “Why?” “Because I wanted…”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Joseph Heller" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joseph-heller/when-i-was-a-kid-i-used-to-walk-around-all-day-with-crab-apples-in-my/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/81b/joseph-heller-601_apples_when-i-was-a-kid-i-used-to-walk-around-a_1355518.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/81b/joseph-heller-601_apples_when-i-was-a-kid-i-used-to-walk-around-a_1355518.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/81b/joseph-heller-601_apples_when-i-was-a-kid-i-used-to-walk-around-a_1355518.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“When I was a kid, I used to walk around all day with crab apples in my cheeks. 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