--- title: "3 Dark humor Quotes By Bob Thurber" description: "3 Dark humor quotes by Bob Thurber. Plus more from Bob Thurber and more Dark humor sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/330/bob-thurber-36977_candy-bar_things-i-used-to-get-hit-for-talking-bac_322466.jpg" --- > [“Things I Used to Get Hit For: Talking back. Being smart. Acting stupid. Not listening. Not answering the first time. Not doing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-thurber/things-i-used-to-get-hit-for-talking-back-being-smart-acting-stupid/) [Bob Thurber](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-thurber/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/330/bob-thurber-36977_candy-bar_things-i-used-to-get-hit-for-talking-bac_322466.jpg) > [“Why the long face? Something happen?" "Nothing except my grandmother is still dead and my aunt moved to Sacramento and my sister…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-thurber/why-the-long-face-something-happen-nothing-except-my-grandmother-is/) [Bob Thurber](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-thurber/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7a8/bob-thurber-36977_dark-humor_why-the-long-face-something-happen-nothi_709496.jpg) > [“A new day always forgives you, unless it's raining and you wake up in jail.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-thurber/a-new-day-always-forgives-you-unless-it-s-raining-and-you-wake-up-in/) [Bob Thurber](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-thurber/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c14/bob-thurber-36977_dark-humor_a-new-day-always-forgives-you-unless-it_2280207.jpg) ## Other authors on Dark humor - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b014/author-jonas-eriksson-52820.jpg) Jonas Eriksson 7 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/dark-humor/jonas-eriksson/) ## More by Bob Thurber > [“Time heals nothing. Wounds fester and ooze. Life drags you by a rope over rocks and stones and one day you look up, look…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-thurber/time-heals-nothing-wounds-fester-and-ooze-life-drags-you-by-a-rope/) [Bob Thurber](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-thurber/) > [“Memory in the mind of man can adapt to the worst conditions. I'll give you an example, an analogy of sorts: Each night I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-thurber/memory-in-the-mind-of-man-can-adapt-to-the-worst-conditions-i-ll-give/) [Bob Thurber](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-thurber/) > [“I've already got the storm figured out. Some idiot blew up the sun. Some dumb Russian general pushed the wrong button and launched one…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-thurber/i-ve-already-got-the-storm-figured-out-some-idiot-blew-up-the-sun/) [Bob Thurber](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-thurber/) > [“Things I Used to Get Hit For: Talking back. Being smart. Acting stupid. Not listening. Not answering the first time. Not doing what I’m…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-thurber/things-i-used-to-get-hit-for-talking-back-being-smart-acting-stupid/) [Bob Thurber](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-thurber/) > [“Despite an icy northeast wind huffing across the bay I sneak out after dark, after my mother falls asleep clutching her leather Bible, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-thurber/despite-an-icy-northeast-wind-huffing-across-the-bay-i-sneak-out/) [Bob Thurber](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-thurber/) > [“Why the long face? Something happen?" "Nothing except my grandmother is still dead and my aunt moved to Sacramento and my sister just got…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-thurber/why-the-long-face-something-happen-nothing-except-my-grandmother-is/) [Bob Thurber](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-thurber/) > [“Throughout my entire miserable childhood I woke at least once a night weeping from overwhelming delight. I did it hungry, I did it after…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-thurber/throughout-my-entire-miserable-childhood-i-woke-at-least-once-a-night/) [Bob Thurber](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-thurber/) > [“A new day always forgives you, unless it's raining and you wake up in jail.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-thurber/a-new-day-always-forgives-you-unless-it-s-raining-and-you-wake-up-in/) [Bob Thurber](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-thurber/) > [“Meanwhile, I work the route. I don’t quit, I don’t complain. Each day I learn more than I earn. Things are going to get…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-thurber/meanwhile-i-work-the-route-i-don-t-quit-i-don-t-complain-each-day-i/) [Bob Thurber](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-thurber/) > [“The first thing I check once I’m inside a story is the emotional weather. Is there a storm coming? What’s the temperature, and how…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-thurber/the-first-thing-i-check-once-i-m-inside-a-story-is-the-emotional/) [Bob Thurber](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-thurber/) > [“Over the years our mother has beaten us with belts, shoes, rulers, extension cords, hair brushes, a wooden spoon, a fly swatter, a toilet…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-thurber/over-the-years-our-mother-has-beaten-us-with-belts-shoes-rulers/) [Bob Thurber](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-thurber/) > [“People like to make up stories about things they don’t understand, so there are over a thousand myths about the moon. One legend claims…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-thurber/people-like-to-make-up-stories-about-things-they-don-t-understand-so/) [Bob Thurber](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-thurber/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/dark-humor/bob-thurber/#itemlist", "name": "3 Dark humor Quotes By Bob Thurber", "numberOfItems": 3, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Things I Used to Get Hit For: Talking back. Being smart. Acting stupid. Not listening. Not answering the first time. Not doing what I’m told. Not doing it the second time I’m told. Running, jumping, yelling, laughing, falling down, skipping stairs, lying in the snow, rolling in the grass, playing in the dirt, walking in mud, not wiping my feet, not taking my shoes off. Sliding down the banister, acting like a wild Indian in the hallway. Making a mess and leaving it. Pissing my pants, just a little. Peeing the bed, hardly at all. Sleeping with a butter knife under my pillow. Shitting the bed because I was sick and it just ran out of me, but still my fault because I’m old enough to know better. Saying shit instead of crap or poop or number two. Not knowing better. Knowing something and doing it wrong anyway. Lying. Not confessing the truth even when I don’t know it. Telling white lies, even little ones, because fibbing isn’t fooling and not the least bit funny. Laughing at anything that’s not funny, especially cripples and retards. Covering up my white lies with more lies, black lies. Not coming the exact second I’m called. Getting out of bed too early, sometimes before the birds, and turning on the TV, which is one reason the picture tube died. Wearing out the cheap plastic hole on the channel selector by turning it so fast it sounds like a machine gun. Playing flip-and-catch with the TV’s volume button then losing it down the hole next to the radiator pipe. Vomiting. Gagging like I’m going to vomit. Saying puke instead of vomit. Throwing up anyplace but in the toilet or in a designated throw-up bucket. Using scissors on my hair. Cutting Kelly’s doll’s hair really short. Pinching Kelly. Punching Kelly even though she kicked me first. Tickling her too hard. Taking food without asking. Eating sugar from the sugar bowl. Not sharing. Not remembering to say please and thank you. Mumbling like an idiot. Using the emergency flashlight to read a comic book in bed because batteries don’t grow on trees. Splashing in puddles, even the puddles I don’t see until it’s too late. Giving my mother’s good rhinestone earrings to the teacher for Valentine’s Day. Splashing in the bathtub and getting the floor wet. Using the good towels. Leaving the good towels on the floor, though sometimes they fall all by themselves. Eating crackers in bed. Staining my shirt, tearing the knee in my pants, ruining my good clothes. Not changing into old clothes that don’t fit the minute I get home. Wasting food. Not eating everything on my plate. Hiding lumpy mashed potatoes and butternut squash and rubbery string beans or any food I don’t like under the vinyl seat cushions Mom bought for the wooden kitchen chairs. Leaving the butter dish out in summer and ruining the tablecloth. Making bubbles in my milk. Using a straw like a pee shooter. Throwing tooth picks at my sister. Wasting toothpicks and glue making junky little things that no one wants. School papers. Notes from the teacher. Report cards. Whispering in church. Sleeping in church. Notes from the assistant principal. Being late for anything. Walking out of Woolworth’s eating a candy bar I didn’t pay for. Riding my bike in the street. Leaving my bike out in the rain. Getting my bike stolen while visiting Grandpa Rudy at the hospital because I didn’t put a lock on it. Not washing my feet. Spitting. Getting a nosebleed in church. Embarrassing my mother in any way, anywhere, anytime, especially in public. Being a jerk. Acting shy. Being impolite. Forgetting what good manners are for. Being alive in all the wrong places with all the wrong people at all the wrong times.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Bob Thurber" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-thurber/things-i-used-to-get-hit-for-talking-back-being-smart-acting-stupid/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/330/bob-thurber-36977_candy-bar_things-i-used-to-get-hit-for-talking-bac_322466.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/330/bob-thurber-36977_candy-bar_things-i-used-to-get-hit-for-talking-bac_322466.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/330/bob-thurber-36977_candy-bar_things-i-used-to-get-hit-for-talking-bac_322466.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Things I Used to Get Hit For: Talking back. 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