--- title: "12 Comedy Quotes By Artie Lange" description: "12 Comedy quotes by Artie Lange. Plus more from Artie Lange and more Comedy sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8c4/artie-lange-7262_comedy_vegas-means-comedy-tragedy-happiness-and_1174839.jpg" --- > [Vegas means comedy, tragedy, happiness and sadness all at the same time.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/vegas-means-comedy-tragedy-happiness-and-sadness-all-at-the-same-time/) [Artie Lange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/artie-lange/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8c4/artie-lange-7262_comedy_vegas-means-comedy-tragedy-happiness-and_1174839.jpg) > [I got into comedy so I could stay out all night.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/i-got-into-comedy-so-i-could-stay-out-all-night/) [Artie Lange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/artie-lange/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/aec/artie-lange-7262_all-night_i-got-into-comedy-so-i-could-stay-out-al_1497196.jpg) > [To tell you the truth, I always wanted to be a sketch comedian and a comedy actor.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/to-tell-you-the-truth-i-always-wanted-to-be-a-sketch-comedian-and-a/) [Artie Lange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/artie-lange/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a92/artie-lange-7262_actor_to-tell-you-the-truth-i-always-wanted-to_2602480.jpg) > [Comedians, we're just people who whine. But we happen to be funny when we whine.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/comedians-we-re-just-people-who-whine-but-we-happen-to-be-funny-when/) [Artie Lange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/artie-lange/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a10/artie-lange-7262_comedian_comedians-we-re-just-people-who-whine-bu_1355227.jpg) > [You know you're on stage being the life of the party and trying to get laughs, and then, in a lot of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/you-know-you-re-on-stage-being-the-life-of-the-party-and-trying-to/) [Artie Lange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/artie-lange/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/40a/artie-lange-7262_anything_you-know-you-re-on-stage-being-the-life_3065036.jpg) > [Unlike a lot of comics, I didn't care about getting on 'Saturday Night Live.' That show had such history and was so…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/unlike-a-lot-of-comics-i-didn-t-care-about-getting-on-saturday-night/) [Artie Lange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/artie-lange/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/03d/artie-lange-7262_about_unlike-a-lot-of-comics-i-didn-t-care-abo_1472774.jpg) > [Richard Lewis is the master at taking a joke that he's told a million times in a row in the past year,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/richard-lewis-is-the-master-at-taking-a-joke-that-he-s-told-a-million/) [Artie Lange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/artie-lange/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/04e/artie-lange-7262_air_richard-lewis-is-the-master-at-taking-a_2037621.jpg) > [Historically, a successful life in comedy is a dream that's as equally pondered and unpursued as being an astronaut.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/historically-a-successful-life-in-comedy-is-a-dream-that-s-as-equally/) [Artie Lange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/artie-lange/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4d7/artie-lange-7262_astronaut_historically-a-successful-life-in-comedy_1130140.jpg) > [It's weird because standup can be like therapy. Comedians can't be satisfied with just having fun with our friends. We've got to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/it-s-weird-because-standup-can-be-like-therapy-comedians-can-t-be/) [Artie Lange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/artie-lange/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d5b/artie-lange-7262_because_it-s-weird-because-standup-can-be-like-t_202755.jpg) > [Comedians, we're just people who whine. But we happen to be funny when we whine. Like, if Jerry Seinfeld wasn't funny, you'd…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/comedians-we-re-just-people-who-whine-but-we-happen-to-be-funny-when-2/) [Artie Lange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/artie-lange/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e29/artie-lange-7262_comedians_comedians-we-re-just-people-who-whine-bu_2267631.jpg) > [Richard Lewis has this incredible ability to look like he's just... you know it's an act that's been honed. What you have…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/richard-lewis-has-this-incredible-ability-to-look-like-he-s-just-you/) [Artie Lange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/artie-lange/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b71/artie-lange-7262_ability_richard-lewis-has-this-incredible-abilit_544341.jpg) > [Eddie Murphy said once in an interview that nothing is offensive if it's funny. I sort of agree with that, but if…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/eddie-murphy-said-once-in-an-interview-that-nothing-is-offensive-if/) [Artie Lange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/artie-lange/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/854/artie-lange-7262_agree_eddie-murphy-said-once-in-an-interview-t_1086222.jpg) ## Other authors on Comedy - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b013/author-jim-gaffigan-49756.jpg) Jim Gaffigan 93 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/comedy/jim-gaffigan/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b006/author-chris-rock-23583.jpg) Chris Rock 58 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/comedy/chris-rock/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b005/author-bo-burnham-18480.jpg) Bo Burnham 56 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/comedy/bo-burnham/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b008/author-demetri-martin-28579.jpg) Demetri Martin 54 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/comedy/demetri-martin/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b005/author-bob-newhart-18652.jpg) Bob Newhart 54 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/comedy/bob-newhart/) - [Mark Twain 51 quotes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/comedy/mark-twain/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b017/author-mike-birbiglia-67912.jpg) Mike Birbiglia 50 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/comedy/mike-birbiglia/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b015/author-kevin-hart-56813.jpg) Kevin Hart 48 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/comedy/kevin-hart/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b024/author-tracy-morgan-92052.jpg) Tracy Morgan 46 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/comedy/tracy-morgan/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b022/author-steve-martin-87330.jpg) Steve Martin 44 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/comedy/steve-martin/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b004/author-anthony-jeselnik-14109.jpg) Anthony Jeselnik 44 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/comedy/anthony-jeselnik/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b001/author-louis-c-k-1150.jpg) Louis C. K 43 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/comedy/louis-c-k/) ## More by Artie Lange > [The point of drinking in moderation is that sometimes you don't drink in moderation.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/the-point-of-drinking-in-moderation-is-that-sometimes-you-don-t-drink/) [Artie Lange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/artie-lange/) > [It is funny because the guy who is my boss now, Howard Stern, has a similarity there. He got big being a regular guy.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/it-is-funny-because-the-guy-who-is-my-boss-now-howard-stern-has-a/) [Artie Lange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/artie-lange/) > [It's weird because standup can be like therapy. Comedians can't be satisfied with just having fun with our friends. We've got to figure out…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/it-s-weird-because-standup-can-be-like-therapy-comedians-can-t-be/) [Artie Lange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/artie-lange/) > [A-Rod wants to be like Babe Ruth. And people don't realize this, he's a lot like Babe Ruth. Before the playoffs a couple of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/a-rod-wants-to-be-like-babe-ruth-and-people-don-t-realize-this-he-s-a/) [Artie Lange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/artie-lange/) > [At the Mirage Sportsbook, you can get a line on 2 kid playing wiffleball in the backyard in Minnesota](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/at-the-mirage-sportsbook-you-can-get-a-line-on-2-kid-playing/) [Artie Lange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/artie-lange/) > [Of course in show business there are two ways to play it and I am not politically correct so I am not going to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/of-course-in-show-business-there-are-two-ways-to-play-it-and-i-am-not/) [Artie Lange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/artie-lange/) > [By the time I am Howard's age I hope to be long retired. I don't plan on working that long.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/by-the-time-i-am-howard-s-age-i-hope-to-be-long-retired-i-don-t-plan/) [Artie Lange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/artie-lange/) > [The regular guy still relates to him and Howard is a $500 million guy now who dates a model and drives about in a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/the-regular-guy-still-relates-to-him-and-howard-is-a-500-million-guy/) [Artie Lange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/artie-lange/) > [The only reason I can't recommend heroin to kids is because the effects wear off.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/the-only-reason-i-can-t-recommend-heroin-to-kids-is-because-the/) [Artie Lange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/artie-lange/) > [When I black out, it's the happiest time of my life.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/when-i-black-out-it-s-the-happiest-time-of-my-life/) [Artie Lange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/artie-lange/) > [Richard Lewis has this incredible ability to look like he's just... you know it's an act that's been honed. What you have to do…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/richard-lewis-has-this-incredible-ability-to-look-like-he-s-just-you/) [Artie Lange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/artie-lange/) > [In Hollywood, there is another name for a woman's 40th birthday party, it's a retirement party.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/in-hollywood-there-is-another-name-for-a-woman-s-40th-birthday-party/) [Artie Lange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/artie-lange/) > [Everytime I go to Vegas, I seem to incur some kind of fine.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/everytime-i-go-to-vegas-i-seem-to-incur-some-kind-of-fine/) [Artie Lange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/artie-lange/) > [It's not a drug problem, until you run out of money. Until then it's just drugs.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/it-s-not-a-drug-problem-until-you-run-out-of-money-until-then-it-s/) [Artie Lange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/artie-lange/) > [Artie is going to do what ever Artie wants to do.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/artie-is-going-to-do-what-ever-artie-wants-to-do/) [Artie Lange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/artie-lange/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/comedy/artie-lange/#itemlist", "name": "12 Comedy Quotes By Artie Lange", "numberOfItems": 12, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Vegas means comedy, tragedy, happiness and sadness all at the same time.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Artie Lange" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/vegas-means-comedy-tragedy-happiness-and-sadness-all-at-the-same-time/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8c4/artie-lange-7262_comedy_vegas-means-comedy-tragedy-happiness-and_1174839.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8c4/artie-lange-7262_comedy_vegas-means-comedy-tragedy-happiness-and_1174839.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8c4/artie-lange-7262_comedy_vegas-means-comedy-tragedy-happiness-and_1174839.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Vegas means comedy, tragedy, happiness and sadness all at the same time.” — Artie Lange", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I got into comedy so I could stay out all night.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Artie Lange" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/i-got-into-comedy-so-i-could-stay-out-all-night/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/aec/artie-lange-7262_all-night_i-got-into-comedy-so-i-could-stay-out-al_1497196.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/aec/artie-lange-7262_all-night_i-got-into-comedy-so-i-could-stay-out-al_1497196.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/aec/artie-lange-7262_all-night_i-got-into-comedy-so-i-could-stay-out-al_1497196.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I got into comedy so I could stay out all night.” — Artie Lange", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "To tell you the truth, I always wanted to be a sketch comedian and a comedy actor.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Artie Lange" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/to-tell-you-the-truth-i-always-wanted-to-be-a-sketch-comedian-and-a/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a92/artie-lange-7262_actor_to-tell-you-the-truth-i-always-wanted-to_2602480.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a92/artie-lange-7262_actor_to-tell-you-the-truth-i-always-wanted-to_2602480.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a92/artie-lange-7262_actor_to-tell-you-the-truth-i-always-wanted-to_2602480.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“To tell you the truth, I always wanted to be a sketch comedian and a comedy actor.” — Artie Lange", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Comedians, we're just people who whine. 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That show had such history and was so established that I didn't see the point.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Artie Lange" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/unlike-a-lot-of-comics-i-didn-t-care-about-getting-on-saturday-night/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/03d/artie-lange-7262_about_unlike-a-lot-of-comics-i-didn-t-care-abo_1472774.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/03d/artie-lange-7262_about_unlike-a-lot-of-comics-i-didn-t-care-abo_1472774.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/03d/artie-lange-7262_about_unlike-a-lot-of-comics-i-didn-t-care-abo_1472774.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Unlike a lot of comics, I didn't care about getting on 'Saturday Night Live.' 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Comedians can't be satisfied with just having fun with our friends. We've got to figure out a way to do it on stage.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Artie Lange" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/it-s-weird-because-standup-can-be-like-therapy-comedians-can-t-be/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d5b/artie-lange-7262_because_it-s-weird-because-standup-can-be-like-t_202755.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d5b/artie-lange-7262_because_it-s-weird-because-standup-can-be-like-t_202755.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d5b/artie-lange-7262_because_it-s-weird-because-standup-can-be-like-t_202755.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“It's weird because standup can be like therapy. 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What you have to do in standup is create spontaneity, somehow; even though you've done this act a million times, you gotta look like you're almost just thinking of it now, to make it entertainer.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Artie Lange" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/richard-lewis-has-this-incredible-ability-to-look-like-he-s-just-you/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b71/artie-lange-7262_ability_richard-lewis-has-this-incredible-abilit_544341.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b71/artie-lange-7262_ability_richard-lewis-has-this-incredible-abilit_544341.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b71/artie-lange-7262_ability_richard-lewis-has-this-incredible-abilit_544341.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Richard Lewis has this incredible ability to look like he's just... you know it's an act that's been honed…” — Artie Lange", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 12, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Eddie Murphy said once in an interview that nothing is offensive if it's funny. I sort of agree with that, but if something's funny and you're the subject of it, sometimes it's more offensive. If someone's insulting you, you want them to sound like an idiot.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Artie Lange" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/eddie-murphy-said-once-in-an-interview-that-nothing-is-offensive-if/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/854/artie-lange-7262_agree_eddie-murphy-said-once-in-an-interview-t_1086222.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/854/artie-lange-7262_agree_eddie-murphy-said-once-in-an-interview-t_1086222.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/854/artie-lange-7262_agree_eddie-murphy-said-once-in-an-interview-t_1086222.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Eddie Murphy said once in an interview that nothing is offensive if it's funny. 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