--- title: "25 Comedy-humor Quotes by 25 authors" description: "Browse 25 Comedy-humor quotes by 25 authors. Discover the best Comedy-humor sayings and thoughts." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b14/simon-haynes-62987_blood_a-stitch-in-time-saves-uncontrollable-bl_1157397.png" --- > [A stitch in time saves uncontrollable blood loss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/simon-haynes/a-stitch-in-time-saves-uncontrollable-blood-loss/) [Simon Haynes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/simon-haynes/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b14/simon-haynes-62987_blood_a-stitch-in-time-saves-uncontrollable-bl_1157397.png) > [“I like to think I'm not stupid often, tonight proves that when I am, I do it in a big way.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lisa-renee-jones/i-like-to-think-i-m-not-stupid-often-tonight-proves-that-when-i-am-i/) [Lisa Renee Jones](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lisa-renee-jones/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/696/lisa-renee-jones-3968_comedy-humor_i-like-to-think-i-m-not-stupid-often-ton_906274.jpg) > [“A sturdy hold, but I think there's something up with the material.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/pete-sortwell/a-sturdy-hold-but-i-think-there-s-something-up-with-the-material/) Pete Sortwell [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e4b/pete-sortwell-96235_comedy-humor_a-sturdy-hold-but-i-think-there-s-someth_1684425.jpg) > [“Sleeping with hookers is like fishing in still waters. You're guaranteed to catch something”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/sleeping-with-hookers-is-like-fishing-in-still-waters-you-re/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e39/anonymous-1_comedy-humor_sleeping-with-hookers-is-like-fishing-in_2294837.jpg) > [“One day, scientists will overtake LIGHT and crash into the DARKNESS.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paul-mcdermott/one-day-scientists-will-overtake-light-and-crash-into-the-darkness/) Paul McDermott [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/56f/paul-mcdermott-268737_comedy-humor_one-day-scientists-will-overtake-light-a_1420770.jpg) > [“If you drink anymore, you're going to be positively flammable.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michaela-haze/if-you-drink-anymore-you-re-going-to-be-positively-flammable/) [Michaela Haze](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michaela-haze/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f1e/michaela-haze-61461_alcohol_if-you-drink-anymore-you-re-going-to-be_1271939.jpg) > [“Frank: Dude. Bro. I'm not wearing underwear. Is it nippley outside?”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ren-french/frank-dude-bro-i-m-not-wearing-underwear-is-it-nippley-outside/) Ren French [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f87/ren-french-272172_bromance_frank-dude-bro-i-m-not-wearing-underwear_527154.jpg) > [“I despise Wednesdays! They are the Marquis de Sade of the work week. Wednesday are so awful that...wait..what? It's Thurs? (face-palm)”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/l-g-a-mcintyre/i-despise-wednesdays-they-are-the-marquis-de-sade-of-the-work-week/) L.G.A. McIntyre [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/384/l-g-a-mcintyre-106114_comedy-absurd_i-despise-wednesdays-they-are-the-marqui_1354488.jpg) > [“Rivera rubbed his temples. "Satan told you to do it?" he said wearily. "No." "Elvis?" "I told you, it's supernatural.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-moore/rivera-rubbed-his-temples-satan-told-you-to-do-it-he-said-wearily-no/) [Christopher Moore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-moore/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/29d/christopher-moore-353_comedy-humor_rivera-rubbed-his-temples-satan-told-you_1520613.png) > [“Fate frequently places you in the right place at the right time. The problem is recognising when it has and doing something…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jesamine-james/fate-frequently-places-you-in-the-right-place-at-the-right-time-the/) Jesamine James [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f40/jesamine-james-247705_comedy-humor_fate-frequently-places-you-in-the-right_2966925.jpg) > [“There is no reason to hate anybody, because we came into existence, not by hate-making, but through love-making.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-bassey-johnson/there-is-no-reason-to-hate-anybody-because-we-came-into-existence-not/) [Michael Bassey Johnson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-bassey-johnson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0f7/michael-bassey-johnson-311_comedy-humor_there-is-no-reason-to-hate-anybody-becau_1547239.jpg) > [“Take care of your husband and do your "homework." For every headache you have there will be a women out there with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jane-jenkins-herlong/take-care-of-your-husband-and-do-your-homework-for-every-headache-you/) Jane Jenkins Herlong [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/958/jane-jenkins-herlong-85544_comedy-humor_take-care-of-your-husband-and-do-your-ho_1684355.jpg) > [“Comedians love it when people point and laugh at them; naturists don't, despite many of them being funnier.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/roy-station/comedians-love-it-when-people-point-and-laugh-at-them-naturists-don-t/) [Roy Station](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/roy-station/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/63d/roy-station-60099_comedy-humor_comedians-love-it-when-people-point-and_1705516.jpg) > [“I thought I was on the track for something good. And you know, the day has only so many hours. One can’t…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lucian-vicovan/i-thought-i-was-on-the-track-for-something-good-and-you-know-the-day/) Lucian Vicovan [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/540/lucian-vicovan-258025_a-day_i-thought-i-was-on-the-track-for-somethi_2888203.jpg) > [“The table was covered with food like roast chicken, roast potatoes, roast parsnips, roast turkey, roast liquorice and, the centrepiece, a roasted…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elias-zapple/the-table-was-covered-with-food-like-roast-chicken-roast-potatoes/) Elias Zapple [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cb7/elias-zapple-66028_astronauts_the-table-was-covered-with-food-like-roa_947739.jpg) > [“WARD: I’ll be home in time for dinner, honey. JUNE: Alright—I’m pregnant—Have a fine day at work, dear. WARD exits… WARD reenters.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/benjamin-r-smith/ward-i-ll-be-home-in-time-for-dinner-honey-june-alright-i-m-pregnant/) [Benjamin R. Smith](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/benjamin-r-smith/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/166/benjamin-r-smith-15136_comedy-humor_ward-i-ll-be-home-in-time-for-dinner-hon_1834215.jpg) > [“People always talk about how great it is to get older. All I saw were more rules and more adults telling me…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-patterson/people-always-talk-about-how-great-it-is-to-get-older-all-i-saw-were/) [James Patterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-patterson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/74f/james-patterson-171_asparagus_people-always-talk-about-how-great-it-is_2230593.jpg) > [“When people get into their 30s plus "boyfriend" sounds weird...if you really think about it. Instead, I think we should universally start…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michelle-m-pillow/when-people-get-into-their-30s-plus-boyfriend-sounds-weird-if-you/) [Michelle M. Pillow](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michelle-m-pillow/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/962/michelle-m-pillow-9760_boyfriend_when-people-get-into-their-30s-plus-boyf_1973940.jpg) > [“If you call a gypsy a vagabond, I think you do him wrong, For he never goes a-travelling but he takes his…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joyce-kilmer/if-you-call-a-gypsy-a-vagabond-i-think-you-do-him-wrong-for-he-never/) [Joyce Kilmer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joyce-kilmer/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f1c/joyce-kilmer-25268_adventure_if-you-call-a-gypsy-a-vagabond-i-think-y_3091570.jpg) > [“Blake looked around and gulped. He'd forgotten about the mess on the floor. Chamber pot shards, his shaving kit, a towel or…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julia-quinn/blake-looked-around-and-gulped-he-d-forgotten-about-the-mess-on-the/) [Julia Quinn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julia-quinn/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2f1/julia-quinn-282_comedy-humor_blake-looked-around-and-gulped-he-d-forg_886452.jpg) > [“The Untheory of Evolution, and Other Scientific Studies Including Hunting, Fishing, and Sex" by William C. Berdine needs to be available to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-c-berdine/the-untheory-of-evolution-and-other-scientific-studies-including/) William C. Berdine [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f8f/william-c-berdine-286858_books_the-untheory-of-evolution-and-other-scie_1875816.jpg) > [“This,” Alaric explained to Sarah in what he thought was a kindly voice, “isn’t love you’re feeling. Only dopamine. Because Felix isn’t…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/meg-cabot/this-alaric-explained-to-sarah-in-what-he-thought-was-a-kindly-voice/) [Meg Cabot](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/meg-cabot/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/88c/meg-cabot-460_comedy-humor_this-alaric-explained-to-sarah-in-what-h_2427791.png) > [“Answering the question 'How would you like to smell?' by saying 'I'd rather I didn't' is also no longer acceptable. It's not…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-mitchell/answering-the-question-how-would-you-like-to-smell-by-saying-i-d/) [David Mitchell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-mitchell/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/af6/david-mitchell-264_back-story_answering-the-question-how-would-you-lik_470085.jpg) > [“The Wolf snarled, tensing his muscles, as if he wished he could climb the tree after the feline. "One day I will…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julie-kagawa/the-wolf-snarled-tensing-his-muscles-as-if-he-wished-he-could-climb/) [Julie Kagawa](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julie-kagawa/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b37/julie-kagawa-241_comedy-humor_the-wolf-snarled-tensing-his-muscles-as_1107260.png) > [“Because I was a shy and awkward child, I used humour to deflect attention. It was a controlling mechanism. Because I could…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/catherine-tate/because-i-was-a-shy-and-awkward-child-i-used-humour-to-deflect-2/) [Catherine Tate](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/catherine-tate/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9d2/catherine-tate-17047_children_because-i-was-a-shy-and-awkward-child-i_1561780.jpg) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/comedy-humor/#itemlist", "name": "Comedy-humor Quotes", "numberOfItems": 25, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "A stitch in time saves uncontrollable blood loss", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Simon Haynes" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/simon-haynes/a-stitch-in-time-saves-uncontrollable-blood-loss/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b14/simon-haynes-62987_blood_a-stitch-in-time-saves-uncontrollable-bl_1157397.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b14/simon-haynes-62987_blood_a-stitch-in-time-saves-uncontrollable-bl_1157397.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b14/simon-haynes-62987_blood_a-stitch-in-time-saves-uncontrollable-bl_1157397.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“A stitch in time saves uncontrollable blood loss” — Simon Haynes", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“I like to think I'm not stupid often, tonight proves that when I am, I do it in a big way.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Lisa Renee Jones" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lisa-renee-jones/i-like-to-think-i-m-not-stupid-often-tonight-proves-that-when-i-am-i/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/696/lisa-renee-jones-3968_comedy-humor_i-like-to-think-i-m-not-stupid-often-ton_906274.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/696/lisa-renee-jones-3968_comedy-humor_i-like-to-think-i-m-not-stupid-often-ton_906274.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/696/lisa-renee-jones-3968_comedy-humor_i-like-to-think-i-m-not-stupid-often-ton_906274.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I like to think I'm not stupid often, tonight proves that when I am, I do it in a big way.” — Lisa Renee Jones", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“A sturdy hold, but I think there's something up with the material.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Pete Sortwell" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/pete-sortwell/a-sturdy-hold-but-i-think-there-s-something-up-with-the-material/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e4b/pete-sortwell-96235_comedy-humor_a-sturdy-hold-but-i-think-there-s-someth_1684425.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e4b/pete-sortwell-96235_comedy-humor_a-sturdy-hold-but-i-think-there-s-someth_1684425.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e4b/pete-sortwell-96235_comedy-humor_a-sturdy-hold-but-i-think-there-s-someth_1684425.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“A sturdy hold, but I think there's something up with the material.” — Pete Sortwell", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Sleeping with hookers is like fishing in still waters. You're guaranteed to catch something”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Anonymous" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/sleeping-with-hookers-is-like-fishing-in-still-waters-you-re/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e39/anonymous-1_comedy-humor_sleeping-with-hookers-is-like-fishing-in_2294837.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e39/anonymous-1_comedy-humor_sleeping-with-hookers-is-like-fishing-in_2294837.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e39/anonymous-1_comedy-humor_sleeping-with-hookers-is-like-fishing-in_2294837.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Sleeping with hookers is like fishing in still waters. You're guaranteed to catch something” — Anonymous", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 5, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“One day, scientists will overtake LIGHT and crash into the DARKNESS.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Paul McDermott" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paul-mcdermott/one-day-scientists-will-overtake-light-and-crash-into-the-darkness/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/56f/paul-mcdermott-268737_comedy-humor_one-day-scientists-will-overtake-light-a_1420770.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/56f/paul-mcdermott-268737_comedy-humor_one-day-scientists-will-overtake-light-a_1420770.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/56f/paul-mcdermott-268737_comedy-humor_one-day-scientists-will-overtake-light-a_1420770.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“One day, scientists will overtake LIGHT and crash into the DARKNESS.” — Paul McDermott", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 6, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“If you drink anymore, you're going to be positively flammable.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Michaela Haze" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michaela-haze/if-you-drink-anymore-you-re-going-to-be-positively-flammable/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f1e/michaela-haze-61461_alcohol_if-you-drink-anymore-you-re-going-to-be_1271939.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f1e/michaela-haze-61461_alcohol_if-you-drink-anymore-you-re-going-to-be_1271939.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f1e/michaela-haze-61461_alcohol_if-you-drink-anymore-you-re-going-to-be_1271939.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“If you drink anymore, you're going to be positively flammable.” — Michaela Haze", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 7, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Frank: Dude. Bro. I'm not wearing underwear. Is it nippley outside?”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Ren French" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ren-french/frank-dude-bro-i-m-not-wearing-underwear-is-it-nippley-outside/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f87/ren-french-272172_bromance_frank-dude-bro-i-m-not-wearing-underwear_527154.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f87/ren-french-272172_bromance_frank-dude-bro-i-m-not-wearing-underwear_527154.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f87/ren-french-272172_bromance_frank-dude-bro-i-m-not-wearing-underwear_527154.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Frank: Dude. Bro. I'm not wearing underwear. Is it nippley outside?” — Ren French", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 8, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“I despise Wednesdays! They are the Marquis de Sade of the work week. Wednesday are so awful that...wait..what? It's Thurs? (face-palm)”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "L.G.A. McIntyre" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/l-g-a-mcintyre/i-despise-wednesdays-they-are-the-marquis-de-sade-of-the-work-week/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/384/l-g-a-mcintyre-106114_comedy-absurd_i-despise-wednesdays-they-are-the-marqui_1354488.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/384/l-g-a-mcintyre-106114_comedy-absurd_i-despise-wednesdays-they-are-the-marqui_1354488.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/384/l-g-a-mcintyre-106114_comedy-absurd_i-despise-wednesdays-they-are-the-marqui_1354488.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I despise Wednesdays! They are the Marquis de Sade of the work week. Wednesday are so awful…” — L.G.A. McIntyre", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 9, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Rivera rubbed his temples. \"Satan told you to do it?\" he said wearily. \"No.\" \"Elvis?\" \"I told you, it's supernatural.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Christopher Moore" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-moore/rivera-rubbed-his-temples-satan-told-you-to-do-it-he-said-wearily-no/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/29d/christopher-moore-353_comedy-humor_rivera-rubbed-his-temples-satan-told-you_1520613.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/29d/christopher-moore-353_comedy-humor_rivera-rubbed-his-temples-satan-told-you_1520613.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/29d/christopher-moore-353_comedy-humor_rivera-rubbed-his-temples-satan-told-you_1520613.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Rivera rubbed his temples. \"Satan told you to do it?\" he said wearily. \"No.\" \"Elvis?\" \"I told you, it's…” — Christopher Moore", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 10, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Fate frequently places you in the right place at the right time. The problem is recognising when it has and doing something about it.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jesamine James" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jesamine-james/fate-frequently-places-you-in-the-right-place-at-the-right-time-the/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f40/jesamine-james-247705_comedy-humor_fate-frequently-places-you-in-the-right_2966925.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f40/jesamine-james-247705_comedy-humor_fate-frequently-places-you-in-the-right_2966925.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f40/jesamine-james-247705_comedy-humor_fate-frequently-places-you-in-the-right_2966925.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Fate frequently places you in the right place at the right time. The problem is recognising when it has and…” — Jesamine James", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 11, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“There is no reason to hate anybody, because we came into existence, not by hate-making, but through love-making.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Michael Bassey Johnson" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-bassey-johnson/there-is-no-reason-to-hate-anybody-because-we-came-into-existence-not/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0f7/michael-bassey-johnson-311_comedy-humor_there-is-no-reason-to-hate-anybody-becau_1547239.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0f7/michael-bassey-johnson-311_comedy-humor_there-is-no-reason-to-hate-anybody-becau_1547239.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0f7/michael-bassey-johnson-311_comedy-humor_there-is-no-reason-to-hate-anybody-becau_1547239.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“There is no reason to hate anybody, because we came into existence, not by hate-making, but through…” — Michael Bassey Johnson", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 12, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Take care of your husband and do your \"homework.\" For every headache you have there will be a women out there with an aspirin in her purse.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jane Jenkins Herlong" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jane-jenkins-herlong/take-care-of-your-husband-and-do-your-homework-for-every-headache-you/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/958/jane-jenkins-herlong-85544_comedy-humor_take-care-of-your-husband-and-do-your-ho_1684355.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/958/jane-jenkins-herlong-85544_comedy-humor_take-care-of-your-husband-and-do-your-ho_1684355.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/958/jane-jenkins-herlong-85544_comedy-humor_take-care-of-your-husband-and-do-your-ho_1684355.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Take care of your husband and do your \"homework.\" For every headache you have there will be a women out…” — Jane Jenkins Herlong", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 13, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Comedians love it when people point and laugh at them; naturists don't, despite many of them being funnier.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Roy Station" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/roy-station/comedians-love-it-when-people-point-and-laugh-at-them-naturists-don-t/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/63d/roy-station-60099_comedy-humor_comedians-love-it-when-people-point-and_1705516.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/63d/roy-station-60099_comedy-humor_comedians-love-it-when-people-point-and_1705516.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/63d/roy-station-60099_comedy-humor_comedians-love-it-when-people-point-and_1705516.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Comedians love it when people point and laugh at them; naturists don't, despite many of them being funnier.” — Roy Station", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 14, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“I thought I was on the track for something good. And you know, the day has only so many hours. One can’t fit everything they want to do in one day.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Lucian Vicovan" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lucian-vicovan/i-thought-i-was-on-the-track-for-something-good-and-you-know-the-day/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/540/lucian-vicovan-258025_a-day_i-thought-i-was-on-the-track-for-somethi_2888203.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/540/lucian-vicovan-258025_a-day_i-thought-i-was-on-the-track-for-somethi_2888203.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/540/lucian-vicovan-258025_a-day_i-thought-i-was-on-the-track-for-somethi_2888203.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I thought I was on the track for something good. And you know, the day has only so many hours. One can’t fit…” — Lucian Vicovan", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 15, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“The table was covered with food like roast chicken, roast potatoes, roast parsnips, roast turkey, roast liquorice and, the centrepiece, a roasted knight.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Elias Zapple" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elias-zapple/the-table-was-covered-with-food-like-roast-chicken-roast-potatoes/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cb7/elias-zapple-66028_astronauts_the-table-was-covered-with-food-like-roa_947739.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cb7/elias-zapple-66028_astronauts_the-table-was-covered-with-food-like-roa_947739.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cb7/elias-zapple-66028_astronauts_the-table-was-covered-with-food-like-roa_947739.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“The table was covered with food like roast chicken, roast potatoes, roast parsnips, roast turkey, roast…” — Elias Zapple", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 16, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“WARD: I’ll be home in time for dinner, honey. JUNE: Alright—I’m pregnant—Have a fine day at work, dear. WARD exits… WARD reenters. JUNE: Did you forget something, dear? WARD: What did you say? JUNE: I asked if you’d forgotten anything—”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Benjamin R. Smith" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/benjamin-r-smith/ward-i-ll-be-home-in-time-for-dinner-honey-june-alright-i-m-pregnant/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/166/benjamin-r-smith-15136_comedy-humor_ward-i-ll-be-home-in-time-for-dinner-hon_1834215.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/166/benjamin-r-smith-15136_comedy-humor_ward-i-ll-be-home-in-time-for-dinner-hon_1834215.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/166/benjamin-r-smith-15136_comedy-humor_ward-i-ll-be-home-in-time-for-dinner-hon_1834215.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“WARD: I’ll be home in time for dinner, honey. JUNE: Alright—I’m pregnant—Have a fine day at work, dear. WARD…” — Benjamin R. Smith", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 17, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“People always talk about how great it is to get older. All I saw were more rules and more adults telling me what I could and couldn't do, in the name of what's \" good for me.\" Yeah, well, asparagus is good for me, but it still makes me want to throw up.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "James Patterson" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-patterson/people-always-talk-about-how-great-it-is-to-get-older-all-i-saw-were/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/74f/james-patterson-171_asparagus_people-always-talk-about-how-great-it-is_2230593.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/74f/james-patterson-171_asparagus_people-always-talk-about-how-great-it-is_2230593.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/74f/james-patterson-171_asparagus_people-always-talk-about-how-great-it-is_2230593.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“People always talk about how great it is to get older. All I saw were more rules and more adults telling me…” — James Patterson", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 18, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“When people get into their 30s plus \"boyfriend\" sounds weird...if you really think about it. Instead, I think we should universally start using the term \"manfriend\" or \"snookie bookie cuddles pie\".”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Michelle M. Pillow" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michelle-m-pillow/when-people-get-into-their-30s-plus-boyfriend-sounds-weird-if-you/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/962/michelle-m-pillow-9760_boyfriend_when-people-get-into-their-30s-plus-boyf_1973940.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/962/michelle-m-pillow-9760_boyfriend_when-people-get-into-their-30s-plus-boyf_1973940.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/962/michelle-m-pillow-9760_boyfriend_when-people-get-into-their-30s-plus-boyf_1973940.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“When people get into their 30s plus \"boyfriend\" sounds weird...if you really think about it. Instead, I…” — Michelle M. Pillow", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 19, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“If you call a gypsy a vagabond, I think you do him wrong, For he never goes a-travelling but he takes his home along. And the only reason a road is good, as every wanderer knows, Is just because of the homes, the homes, the homes to which it goes.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Joyce Kilmer" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joyce-kilmer/if-you-call-a-gypsy-a-vagabond-i-think-you-do-him-wrong-for-he-never/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f1c/joyce-kilmer-25268_adventure_if-you-call-a-gypsy-a-vagabond-i-think-y_3091570.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f1c/joyce-kilmer-25268_adventure_if-you-call-a-gypsy-a-vagabond-i-think-y_3091570.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f1c/joyce-kilmer-25268_adventure_if-you-call-a-gypsy-a-vagabond-i-think-y_3091570.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“If you call a gypsy a vagabond, I think you do him wrong, For he never goes a-travelling but he takes his…” — Joyce Kilmer", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 20, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Blake looked around and gulped. He'd forgotten about the mess on the floor. Chamber pot shards, his shaving kit, a towel or two... \"I... ah...\" It seemed to him that it was far easier to lie for the sake of national security than it was to his older sister. \"Is that a bar of soap stuck to the wall?\" Penelope asked. \"Um... yes, it appears to be.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Julia Quinn" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julia-quinn/blake-looked-around-and-gulped-he-d-forgotten-about-the-mess-on-the/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2f1/julia-quinn-282_comedy-humor_blake-looked-around-and-gulped-he-d-forg_886452.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2f1/julia-quinn-282_comedy-humor_blake-looked-around-and-gulped-he-d-forg_886452.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2f1/julia-quinn-282_comedy-humor_blake-looked-around-and-gulped-he-d-forg_886452.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Blake looked around and gulped. He'd forgotten about the mess on the floor. Chamber pot shards, his shaving…” — Julia Quinn", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 21, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“The Untheory of Evolution, and Other Scientific Studies Including Hunting, Fishing, and Sex\" by William C. Berdine needs to be available to put in my favorite books list. This book is excellent for any young teen to stumble across and read. I found it while my parents were driving me to Florida for a vacation and as a preteen I fell in love immediately with the book and the person behind it.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "William C. Berdine" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-c-berdine/the-untheory-of-evolution-and-other-scientific-studies-including/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f8f/william-c-berdine-286858_books_the-untheory-of-evolution-and-other-scie_1875816.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f8f/william-c-berdine-286858_books_the-untheory-of-evolution-and-other-scie_1875816.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f8f/william-c-berdine-286858_books_the-untheory-of-evolution-and-other-scie_1875816.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“The Untheory of Evolution, and Other Scientific Studies Including Hunting, Fishing, and Sex\" by William C…” — William C. Berdine", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 22, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“This,” Alaric explained to Sarah in what he thought was a kindly voice, “isn’t love you’re feeling. Only dopamine. Because Felix isn’t like anyone else you know. Being a creature of the night, he’s new and exciting and activates a neurotransmitter in your brain that releases feelings of euphoria when you’re around him…especially because you know you can never actually be together, and he seems complicated, and perhaps even sensitive and vulnerable at times. But I can assure you: he’s anything but.” “How dare you?” Sarah demanded hotly. “It isn’t dopa…whatever! It’s love! Love!”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Meg Cabot" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/meg-cabot/this-alaric-explained-to-sarah-in-what-he-thought-was-a-kindly-voice/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/88c/meg-cabot-460_comedy-humor_this-alaric-explained-to-sarah-in-what-h_2427791.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/88c/meg-cabot-460_comedy-humor_this-alaric-explained-to-sarah-in-what-h_2427791.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/88c/meg-cabot-460_comedy-humor_this-alaric-explained-to-sarah-in-what-h_2427791.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“This,” Alaric explained to Sarah in what he thought was a kindly voice, “isn’t love you’re feeling. Only…” — Meg Cabot", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 23, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Answering the question 'How would you like to smell?' by saying 'I'd rather I didn't' is also no longer acceptable. It's not playing the game. Men are expected to put some cash into the cosmetic pot too - it's seen as almost un-feminist not to. What a uniquely capitalist response to that gender inequality: women have been forced by convention for generations - millennia - to spend money on expensive clothes and agonising shoes, to daub themselves with reality-concealing slap, to smell expensively inhuman, to self-mutilate in pursuit of eternal youth; and this, quite rightly, has come to be deemed unfair. But how do we end this hell? We make men do it too. Well done everyone.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "David Mitchell" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-mitchell/answering-the-question-how-would-you-like-to-smell-by-saying-i-d/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/af6/david-mitchell-264_back-story_answering-the-question-how-would-you-lik_470085.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/af6/david-mitchell-264_back-story_answering-the-question-how-would-you-lik_470085.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/af6/david-mitchell-264_back-story_answering-the-question-how-would-you-lik_470085.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Answering the question 'How would you like to smell?' by saying 'I'd rather I didn't' is also no longer…” — David Mitchell", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 24, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“The Wolf snarled, tensing his muscles, as if he wished he could climb the tree after the feline. \"One day I will catch you on the ground, cat,\" he said through bared teeth. \"And you won't even know I'm there until I tear your head off.\" \"You have been saying that since before humans had fire, dog,\" Grimalkin replied, completely undisturbed. \"You'll have to forgive me if I don't hold my breath.\" - The Big Bad Wolf and Grimalkin”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Julie Kagawa" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julie-kagawa/the-wolf-snarled-tensing-his-muscles-as-if-he-wished-he-could-climb/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b37/julie-kagawa-241_comedy-humor_the-wolf-snarled-tensing-his-muscles-as_1107260.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b37/julie-kagawa-241_comedy-humor_the-wolf-snarled-tensing-his-muscles-as_1107260.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b37/julie-kagawa-241_comedy-humor_the-wolf-snarled-tensing-his-muscles-as_1107260.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“The Wolf snarled, tensing his muscles, as if he wished he could climb the tree after the feline. \"One day I…” — Julie Kagawa", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 25, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Because I was a shy and awkward child, I used humour to deflect attention. It was a controlling mechanism. Because I could use it to control my image. Catherine Tate”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Catherine Tate" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/catherine-tate/because-i-was-a-shy-and-awkward-child-i-used-humour-to-deflect-2/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9d2/catherine-tate-17047_children_because-i-was-a-shy-and-awkward-child-i_1561780.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9d2/catherine-tate-17047_children_because-i-was-a-shy-and-awkward-child-i_1561780.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9d2/catherine-tate-17047_children_because-i-was-a-shy-and-awkward-child-i_1561780.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Because I was a shy and awkward child, I used humour to deflect attention. It was a controlling mechanism…” — Catherine Tate", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } } ] }, { "@type": "CollectionPage", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/comedy-humor/#webpage", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/comedy-humor/", "name": "Comedy-humor Quotes", "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "mainEntity": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/comedy-humor/#itemlist" }, "primaryImageOfPage": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b14/simon-haynes-62987_blood_a-stitch-in-time-saves-uncontrollable-bl_1157397.png" }, "description": "Browse 25 Comedy-humor quotes by 25 authors. Discover the best Comedy-humor sayings and thoughts.", "breadcrumb": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/comedy-humor/#breadcrumb" } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/comedy-humor/#breadcrumb", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Topics", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/categories/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "Comedy Humor Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/comedy-humor/" } ] }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```