--- title: "5 Come up Quotes By Jack Handey" description: "5 Come up quotes by Jack Handey. Plus more from Jack Handey and more Come up sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/236/jack-handey-829_come-up_i-bet-the-main-reason-the-police-keep-pe_562445.jpg" --- > [I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/i-bet-the-main-reason-the-police-keep-people-away-from-a-plane-crash/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/236/jack-handey-829_come-up_i-bet-the-main-reason-the-police-keep-pe_562445.jpg) > [If they ever come up with a swashbuckling School, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then Jumping Off Something.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/if-they-ever-come-up-with-a-swashbuckling-school-i-think-one-of-the/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/365/jack-handey-829_come-up_if-they-ever-come-up-with-a-swashbucklin_785736.jpg) > [I think somebody should come up with a way to breed a very large shrimp. That way, you could ride him, then…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/i-think-somebody-should-come-up-with-a-way-to-breed-a-very-large/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ac0/jack-handey-829_come-up_i-think-somebody-should-come-up-with-a-w_905445.jpg) > [I wish scientists would come up with an ear of corn that was big and round, because then when you were eating…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/i-wish-scientists-would-come-up-with-an-ear-of-corn-that-was-big-and/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e2d/jack-handey-829_bigs_i-wish-scientists-would-come-up-with-an_1206191.jpg) > [I wish scientists would come up with a way to make dogs a lot bigger, but with a smaller head. That way,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/i-wish-scientists-would-come-up-with-a-way-to-make-dogs-a-lot-bigger/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b6c/jack-handey-829_animal_i-wish-scientists-would-come-up-with-a-w_2494740.jpg) ## Other authors on Come up ## More by Jack Handey > [Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/sometimes-life-seems-like-a-dream-especially-when-i-look-down-and-see/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [I think the best Thanksgiving we ever had was one where we didn't even have a turkey. Mom and Dad sat us kids down…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/i-think-the-best-thanksgiving-we-ever-had-was-one-where-we-didn-t/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/at-first-i-thought-if-i-were-superman-a-perfect-secret-identity-would/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [Sometimes I wonder if I'm patriotic enough. Yes, I want to kill people, but on both sides.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/sometimes-i-wonder-if-i-m-patriotic-enough-yes-i-want-to-kill-people/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [I don't understand people who say life is a mystery, because what is it they want to know?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/i-don-t-understand-people-who-say-life-is-a-mystery-because-what-is/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking to the president, because what if he tells a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/it-s-probably-not-a-good-idea-to-be-chewing-on-a-toothpick-if-you-re/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [Probably to a shark, about the funniest thing there is is a wounded seal, trying to swim to shore, because WHERE DOES HE THINK…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/probably-to-a-shark-about-the-funniest-thing-there-is-is-a-wounded/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [I wish I lived back in the Old West days, because I'd save up my money for about twenty years so I could buy…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/i-wish-i-lived-back-in-the-old-west-days-because-i-d-save-up-my-money/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [Why do there have to be rules for everything? It's gotten to the point that rules dominate just about every aspect of our lives.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/why-do-there-have-to-be-rules-for-everything-it-s-gotten-to-the-point/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/most-people-don-t-realize-that-large-pieces-of-coral-which-have-been/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [Here's a suggestion for a new animal, if some new ones get created or evolve: something that stings you, then laughs at you.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/here-s-a-suggestion-for-a-new-animal-if-some-new-ones-get-created-or/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [When you go ice-skating, try not to swing your arms too much, because that really annoys me.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/when-you-go-ice-skating-try-not-to-swing-your-arms-too-much-because/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [When you go to a party at somebody's house, don't automatically assume that the drinks are free. Ask, and ask often.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/when-you-go-to-a-party-at-somebody-s-house-don-t-automatically-assume/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [He was a cowboy, mister, and he loved the land. He loved it so much he made a woman out of dirt and married…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/he-was-a-cowboy-mister-and-he-loved-the-land-he-loved-it-so-much-he/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [If you were a gladiator in olden days, I bet the inefficiency of how the gladiator fights were organized and scheduled would just drive…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/if-you-were-a-gladiator-in-olden-days-i-bet-the-inefficiency-of-how/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/come-up/jack-handey/#itemlist", "name": "5 Come up Quotes By Jack Handey", "numberOfItems": 5, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then when somebody comes up act like they just woke up and go, \"What was THAT?!\"", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jack Handey" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/i-bet-the-main-reason-the-police-keep-people-away-from-a-plane-crash/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/236/jack-handey-829_come-up_i-bet-the-main-reason-the-police-keep-pe_562445.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/236/jack-handey-829_come-up_i-bet-the-main-reason-the-police-keep-pe_562445.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/236/jack-handey-829_come-up_i-bet-the-main-reason-the-police-keep-pe_562445.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in…” — Jack Handey", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "If they ever come up with a swashbuckling School, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then Jumping Off Something.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jack Handey" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/if-they-ever-come-up-with-a-swashbuckling-school-i-think-one-of-the/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/365/jack-handey-829_come-up_if-they-ever-come-up-with-a-swashbucklin_785736.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/365/jack-handey-829_come-up_if-they-ever-come-up-with-a-swashbucklin_785736.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/365/jack-handey-829_come-up_if-they-ever-come-up-with-a-swashbucklin_785736.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“If they ever come up with a swashbuckling School, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then…” — Jack Handey", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I think somebody should come up with a way to breed a very large shrimp. 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