--- title: "7 Columns Quotes By Dave Barry" description: "7 Columns quotes by Dave Barry. Plus more from Dave Barry and more Columns sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/81d/dave-barry-222_care_when-i-m-writing-columns-it-s-all-i-m-th_310652.png" --- > [When I'm writing columns, it's - all I'm thinking about is jokes, joke, joke, joke, setup, punch line, joke, joke, joke. And…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/when-i-m-writing-columns-it-s-all-i-m-thinking-about-is-jokes-joke/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/81d/dave-barry-222_care_when-i-m-writing-columns-it-s-all-i-m-th_310652.png) > [I was very pleased to get a Supreme Court justice suggesting a column, so I went and did a column about Beano.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/i-was-very-pleased-to-get-a-supreme-court-justice-suggesting-a-column/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9af/dave-barry-222_advertisements_i-was-very-pleased-to-get-a-supreme-cour_443514.jpg) > [When I write my annual tax column, some ex-IRS agent will complain, "There you go IRS bashing again." They're always saying that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/when-i-write-my-annual-tax-column-some-ex-irs-agent-will-complain/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ef4/dave-barry-222_agents_when-i-write-my-annual-tax-column-some-e_697711.png) > [We should call editorials what they are: columns written by committees.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/we-should-call-editorials-what-they-are-columns-written-by-committees/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bb1/dave-barry-222_columns_we-should-call-editorials-what-they-are_1081037.png) > [Every year I write a tax advice column and I used to always make fun of that. One year, one of my…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/every-year-i-write-a-tax-advice-column-and-i-used-to-always-make-fun/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/320/dave-barry-222_advice_every-year-i-write-a-tax-advice-column-a_1169988.jpg) > [You're not allowed to park a truck in your driveway. You're not allowed to work on your house on Sunday. The people…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/you-re-not-allowed-to-park-a-truck-in-your-driveway-you-re-not/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/378/dave-barry-222_columns_you-re-not-allowed-to-park-a-truck-in-yo_2048800.jpg) > [I'm always writing new books so I don't dwell on the ones I've already done. I think that's a habit from being…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/i-m-always-writing-new-books-so-i-don-t-dwell-on-the-ones-i-ve/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/249/dave-barry-222_book_i-m-always-writing-new-books-so-i-don-t_2998750.png) ## Other authors on Columns ## More by Dave Barry > [This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/this-is-true-virtually-all-edible-substances-and-many-automotive/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) > [This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/this-ball-was-so-crowded-that-it-took-me-a-trained-professional/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) > [The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like creature. That…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/the-hardest-thing-about-being-a-guy-is-that-women-don-t-accept-that/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) > [The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/the-ultimate-camping-trip-was-the-lewis-and-clark-expedition/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) > [Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/although-golf-was-originally-restricted-to-wealthy-overweight/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) > [Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/entire-new-continent-can-emerge-from-the-ocean-in-the-time-it-takes/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) > [He was distracted by a giggle, and turned to see a rare sight: a girl.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/he-was-distracted-by-a-giggle-and-turned-to-see-a-rare-sight-a-girl/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) > [The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/the-major-parties-could-conduct-live-human-sacrifices-on-their/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) > [If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/if-you-look-at-any-list-of-great-modern-writers-such-as-ernest/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) > [Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/don-t-you-wish-you-had-a-job-like-mine-all-you-have-to-do-is-think-up/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) > [“Despite the gulf, physical and cultural, between the United States and Japan, both societies are, in the end, made up of people, and people…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/despite-the-gulf-physical-and-cultural-between-the-united-states-and/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) > [Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/before-going-on-a-diet-you-should-consult-your-doctor-or-at-least/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) > [Never trust anything you read in a travel article.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/never-trust-anything-you-read-in-a-travel-article/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) > [In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it "Christmas" and went to church; the Jews called it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/in-the-old-days-it-was-not-called-the-holiday-season-the-christians/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) > [Always remember that if editors were so damned smart, they would know how to dress.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/always-remember-that-if-editors-were-so-damned-smart-they-would-know/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/columns/dave-barry/#itemlist", "name": "7 Columns Quotes By Dave Barry", "numberOfItems": 7, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "When I'm writing columns, it's - all I'm thinking about is jokes, joke, joke, joke, setup, punch line, joke, joke, joke. 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I went with my wife and another guy to a Mexican restaurant, which we thought would be the ultimate test for an antiflatulance product. There's a reason most of Mexico is located out of doors. And it worked. Several newspapers refused to run that column. 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Someone I know once said, \"You could get another job.\"", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Dave Barry" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/when-i-write-my-annual-tax-column-some-ex-irs-agent-will-complain/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ef4/dave-barry-222_agents_when-i-write-my-annual-tax-column-some-e_697711.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ef4/dave-barry-222_agents_when-i-write-my-annual-tax-column-some-e_697711.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ef4/dave-barry-222_agents_when-i-write-my-annual-tax-column-some-e_697711.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“When I write my annual tax column, some ex-IRS agent will complain, \"There you go IRS bashing again.\"…” — Dave Barry", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "We should call editorials what they are: columns written by committees.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Dave Barry" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/we-should-call-editorials-what-they-are-columns-written-by-committees/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bb1/dave-barry-222_columns_we-should-call-editorials-what-they-are_1081037.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bb1/dave-barry-222_columns_we-should-call-editorials-what-they-are_1081037.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bb1/dave-barry-222_columns_we-should-call-editorials-what-they-are_1081037.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“We should call editorials what they are: columns written by committees.” — Dave Barry", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 5, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Every year I write a tax advice column and I used to always make fun of that. One year, one of my favorite IRS commissioners, I think his name was Roscoe somebody, wrote that one of the most often-asked questions by taxpayers was, \"How can I contribute more?\" Well, I tell ya, ol' Roscoe's really been doing situps under parked cars again. I've heard a lot of people ask a lot of questions about taxes, but I never heard anybody say, \"How can I, the ordinary person, send more money for no reason?\"", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Dave Barry" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/every-year-i-write-a-tax-advice-column-and-i-used-to-always-make-fun/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/320/dave-barry-222_advice_every-year-i-write-a-tax-advice-column-a_1169988.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/320/dave-barry-222_advice_every-year-i-write-a-tax-advice-column-a_1169988.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/320/dave-barry-222_advice_every-year-i-write-a-tax-advice-column-a_1169988.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Every year I write a tax advice column and I used to always make fun of that. 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And the venom they felt for their own government!", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Dave Barry" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/you-re-not-allowed-to-park-a-truck-in-your-driveway-you-re-not/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/378/dave-barry-222_columns_you-re-not-allowed-to-park-a-truck-in-yo_2048800.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/378/dave-barry-222_columns_you-re-not-allowed-to-park-a-truck-in-yo_2048800.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/378/dave-barry-222_columns_you-re-not-allowed-to-park-a-truck-in-yo_2048800.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“You're not allowed to park a truck in your driveway. You're not allowed to work on your house on Sunday. The…” — Dave Barry", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 7, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I'm always writing new books so I don't dwell on the ones I've already done. 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