--- title: "18 Car Quotes By Steven Wright" description: "18 Car quotes by Steven Wright. Plus more from Steven Wright and more Car sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/269/steven-wright-432_car_why-is-a-person-who-plays-the-piano-call_1858583.jpg" --- > [Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/why-is-a-person-who-plays-the-piano-called-a-pianist-but-a-person-who/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/269/steven-wright-432_car_why-is-a-person-who-plays-the-piano-call_1858583.jpg) > [I have a quantum car. Every time I look at the speedometer I get lost.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-have-a-quantum-car-every-time-i-look-at-the-speedometer-i-get-lost/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/535/steven-wright-432_car_i-have-a-quantum-car-every-time-i-look-a_1802619.jpg) > [I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-had-a-friend-who-was-a-clown-when-he-died-all-his-friends-went-to/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9da/steven-wright-432_car_i-had-a-friend-who-was-a-clown-when-he-d_769347.jpg) > [I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-hooked-up-my-accelerator-pedal-in-my-car-to-my-brake-lights-i-hit/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/405/steven-wright-432_brake_i-hooked-up-my-accelerator-pedal-in-my-c_551544.jpg) > [Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/yesterday-i-parked-my-car-in-a-tow-away-zone-when-i-came-back-the/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dbe/steven-wright-432_areas_yesterday-i-parked-my-car-in-a-tow-away_1182596.jpg) > [I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-replaced-the-headlights-in-my-car-with-strobe-lights-so-it-looks/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/72f/steven-wright-432_car_i-replaced-the-headlights-in-my-car-with_83031.jpg) > [I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-had-to-stop-driving-my-car-for-a-while-the-tires-got-dizzy/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/69a/steven-wright-432_car_i-had-to-stop-driving-my-car-for-a-while_2353679.jpg) > [I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-have-an-answering-machine-in-my-car-it-says-i-m-home-now-but-leave/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9c4/steven-wright-432_car_i-have-an-answering-machine-in-my-car-it_3085305.jpg) > [The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house with my car keys. I started the house up.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/the-other-night-i-came-home-late-and-tried-to-unlock-my-house-with-my/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3de/steven-wright-432_car_the-other-night-i-came-home-late-and-tri_2219352.jpg) > [For a while I didn't have a car . . . I had a helicopter . . . no place to park…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/for-a-while-i-didn-t-have-a-car-i-had-a-helicopter-no-place-to-park/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5ea/steven-wright-432_car_for-a-while-i-didn-t-have-a-car-i-had-a_914504.jpg) > [I was in a grocery store. I saw a sign that said 'pet supplies.' So I did. Then I went outside and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-was-in-a-grocery-store-i-saw-a-sign-that-said-pet-supplies-so-i-did/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b14/steven-wright-432_car_i-was-in-a-grocery-store-i-saw-a-sign-th_2729251.jpg) > [I collect rare photographs... I have two... One of Houdini locking his keys in his car... the other is a rare picture…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-collect-rare-photographs-i-have-two-one-of-houdini-locking-his-keys/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/86a/steven-wright-432_car_i-collect-rare-photographs-i-have-two-on_998214.jpg) > [When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/when-i-get-real-bored-i-like-to-drive-downtown-and-get-a-great/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ead/steven-wright-432_bored_when-i-get-real-bored-i-like-to-drive-do_535410.jpg) > [One day, when I came home from work, I accidentally put my car key in the door of my apartment building. I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/one-day-when-i-came-home-from-work-i-accidentally-put-my-car-key-in/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5fd/steven-wright-432_apartment_one-day-when-i-came-home-from-work-i-acc_998781.jpg) > [A cop stopped me for speeding/ He said, 'Why were you going so fast?' I said, 'See this thing my foot is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/a-cop-stopped-me-for-speeding-he-said-why-were-you-going-so-fast-i/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6ae/steven-wright-432_car_a-cop-stopped-me-for-speeding-he-said-wh_1022504.jpg) > [If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/if-your-car-could-travel-at-the-speed-of-light-would-your-headlights/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c53/steven-wright-432_car_if-your-car-could-travel-at-the-speed-of_1904666.jpg) > [I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-play-the-harmonica-the-only-way-i-can-play-is-if-i-get-my-car-going/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ab2/steven-wright-432_car_i-play-the-harmonica-the-only-way-i-can_1715700.jpg) > [I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-once-locked-my-keys-out-of-my-car-i-had-to-break-out-of-my-car-with/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0b2/steven-wright-432_break_i-once-locked-my-keys-out-of-my-car-i-ha_1194843.jpg) ## Other authors on Car ## More by Steven Wright > [Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/depression-is-merely-anger-without-enthusiasm/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) > [My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/my-dental-hygienist-is-cute-every-time-i-visit-i-eat-a-whole-package/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) > [If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/if-lawyers-are-disbarred-and-clergymen-defrocked-doesn-t-it-follow/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) > [If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/if-i-ever-had-twins-i-d-use-one-for-parts/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) > [Nobody can really compare a relationship in which the victim is 15 years old to one where she's 6. While both criminal, they're very different circumstances.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/nobody-can-really-compare-a-relationship-in-which-the-victim-is-15/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) > [I saw a tree fall in the woods, and I didn't hear it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-saw-a-tree-fall-in-the-woods-and-i-didn-t-hear-it/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) > [It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It's dangerous. Everything out there is heightened. The…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/it-s-very-intense-to-be-in-front-of-a-live-audience-it-s-just-an/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) > [I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-got-pulled-over-by-a-cop-and-he-said-do-you-know-the-speed-limit/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) > [Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/babies-don-t-need-a-vacation-but-i-still-see-them-at-the-beach-it/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) > [“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-just-got-out-of-the-hospital-i-was-in-a-speed-reading-accident-i/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) > [When I'm on stage, it's really intense. My mind is going a million miles an hour, trying to remember my act, trying to say…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/when-i-m-on-stage-it-s-really-intense-my-mind-is-going-a-million/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) > [I don't like politicians, and I don't like politics. I definitely don't want to be associated with any of them.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-don-t-like-politicians-and-i-don-t-like-politics-i-definitely-don-t/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) > [I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-went-to-this-restaurant-last-night-that-was-set-up-like-a-big/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) > [Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/why-isn-t-the-number-11-pronounced-onety-one/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) > [A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/a-conscience-is-what-hurts-when-all-your-other-parts-feel-so-good/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/car/steven-wright/#itemlist", "name": "18 Car Quotes By Steven Wright", "numberOfItems": 18, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Steven Wright" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/why-is-a-person-who-plays-the-piano-called-a-pianist-but-a-person-who/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/269/steven-wright-432_car_why-is-a-person-who-plays-the-piano-call_1858583.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/269/steven-wright-432_car_why-is-a-person-who-plays-the-piano-call_1858583.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/269/steven-wright-432_car_why-is-a-person-who-plays-the-piano-call_1858583.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?” — Steven Wright", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I have a quantum car. 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I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Steven Wright" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-hooked-up-my-accelerator-pedal-in-my-car-to-my-brake-lights-i-hit/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/405/steven-wright-432_brake_i-hooked-up-my-accelerator-pedal-in-my-c_551544.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/405/steven-wright-432_brake_i-hooked-up-my-accelerator-pedal-in-my-c_551544.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/405/steven-wright-432_brake_i-hooked-up-my-accelerator-pedal-in-my-c_551544.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. 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It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Steven Wright" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-have-an-answering-machine-in-my-car-it-says-i-m-home-now-but-leave/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9c4/steven-wright-432_car_i-have-an-answering-machine-in-my-car-it_3085305.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9c4/steven-wright-432_car_i-have-an-answering-machine-in-my-car-it_3085305.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9c4/steven-wright-432_car_i-have-an-answering-machine-in-my-car-it_3085305.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out.” — Steven Wright", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 9, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house with my car keys. I started the house up. So, I drove it around for a while. I was speeding, and a cop pulled me over. He asked where I lived. I said, \"Right here, officer.\"", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Steven Wright" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/the-other-night-i-came-home-late-and-tried-to-unlock-my-house-with-my/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3de/steven-wright-432_car_the-other-night-i-came-home-late-and-tri_2219352.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3de/steven-wright-432_car_the-other-night-i-came-home-late-and-tri_2219352.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3de/steven-wright-432_car_the-other-night-i-came-home-late-and-tri_2219352.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house with my car keys. I started the house up. So…” — Steven Wright", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 10, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "For a while I didn't have a car . . . I had a helicopter . . . no place to park it, so I just tied it to a lamp post and left it running. [slow glance upward]", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Steven Wright" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/for-a-while-i-didn-t-have-a-car-i-had-a-helicopter-no-place-to-park/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5ea/steven-wright-432_car_for-a-while-i-didn-t-have-a-car-i-had-a_914504.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5ea/steven-wright-432_car_for-a-while-i-didn-t-have-a-car-i-had-a_914504.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5ea/steven-wright-432_car_for-a-while-i-didn-t-have-a-car-i-had-a_914504.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“For a while I didn't have a car . . . I had a helicopter . . . no place to park it, so I just tied it to a…” — Steven Wright", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 11, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I was in a grocery store. I saw a sign that said 'pet supplies.' So I did. Then I went outside and saw a sign that said, 'Compact cars.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Steven Wright" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-was-in-a-grocery-store-i-saw-a-sign-that-said-pet-supplies-so-i-did/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b14/steven-wright-432_car_i-was-in-a-grocery-store-i-saw-a-sign-th_2729251.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b14/steven-wright-432_car_i-was-in-a-grocery-store-i-saw-a-sign-th_2729251.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b14/steven-wright-432_car_i-was-in-a-grocery-store-i-saw-a-sign-th_2729251.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I was in a grocery store. I saw a sign that said 'pet supplies.' So I did. Then I went outside and saw a…” — Steven Wright", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 12, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I collect rare photographs... I have two... One of Houdini locking his keys in his car... the other is a rare picture of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Steven Wright" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-collect-rare-photographs-i-have-two-one-of-houdini-locking-his-keys/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/86a/steven-wright-432_car_i-collect-rare-photographs-i-have-two-on_998214.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/86a/steven-wright-432_car_i-collect-rare-photographs-i-have-two-on_998214.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/86a/steven-wright-432_car_i-collect-rare-photographs-i-have-two-on_998214.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I collect rare photographs... I have two... One of Houdini locking his keys in his car... the other is a…” — Steven Wright", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 13, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Steven Wright" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/when-i-get-real-bored-i-like-to-drive-downtown-and-get-a-great/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ead/steven-wright-432_bored_when-i-get-real-bored-i-like-to-drive-do_535410.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ead/steven-wright-432_bored_when-i-get-real-bored-i-like-to-drive-do_535410.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ead/steven-wright-432_bored_when-i-get-real-bored-i-like-to-drive-do_535410.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count…” — Steven Wright", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 14, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "One day, when I came home from work, I accidentally put my car key in the door of my apartment building. I turned it, and the whole building started up. So I drove it around. A policeman stopped me for going too fast. He said, \"Where do you live?\" I said, \"Right here!\" Then I drove my building onto the middle of a highway, and I ran outside, and told all of the cars to get the hell out of my driveway.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Steven Wright" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/one-day-when-i-came-home-from-work-i-accidentally-put-my-car-key-in/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5fd/steven-wright-432_apartment_one-day-when-i-came-home-from-work-i-acc_998781.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5fd/steven-wright-432_apartment_one-day-when-i-came-home-from-work-i-acc_998781.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5fd/steven-wright-432_apartment_one-day-when-i-came-home-from-work-i-acc_998781.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“One day, when I came home from work, I accidentally put my car key in the door of my apartment building. I…” — Steven Wright", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 15, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "A cop stopped me for speeding/ He said, 'Why were you going so fast?' I said, 'See this thing my foot is on? It's called an accelerator. When you push down on it, it sends more gas to the engine. The whole car just takes right off. And see this thing [mimes steering wheel]? This steers it'", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Steven Wright" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/a-cop-stopped-me-for-speeding-he-said-why-were-you-going-so-fast-i/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6ae/steven-wright-432_car_a-cop-stopped-me-for-speeding-he-said-wh_1022504.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6ae/steven-wright-432_car_a-cop-stopped-me-for-speeding-he-said-wh_1022504.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6ae/steven-wright-432_car_a-cop-stopped-me-for-speeding-he-said-wh_1022504.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“A cop stopped me for speeding/ He said, 'Why were you going so fast?' I said, 'See this thing my foot is on?…” — Steven Wright", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 16, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Steven Wright" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/if-your-car-could-travel-at-the-speed-of-light-would-your-headlights/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c53/steven-wright-432_car_if-your-car-could-travel-at-the-speed-of_1904666.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c53/steven-wright-432_car_if-your-car-could-travel-at-the-speed-of_1904666.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c53/steven-wright-432_car_if-your-car-could-travel-at-the-speed-of_1904666.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?” — Steven Wright", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 17, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Steven Wright" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-play-the-harmonica-the-only-way-i-can-play-is-if-i-get-my-car-going/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ab2/steven-wright-432_car_i-play-the-harmonica-the-only-way-i-can_1715700.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ab2/steven-wright-432_car_i-play-the-harmonica-the-only-way-i-can_1715700.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ab2/steven-wright-432_car_i-play-the-harmonica-the-only-way-i-can_1715700.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I play the harmonica. 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I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Steven Wright" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-once-locked-my-keys-out-of-my-car-i-had-to-break-out-of-my-car-with/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0b2/steven-wright-432_break_i-once-locked-my-keys-out-of-my-car-i-ha_1194843.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0b2/steven-wright-432_break_i-once-locked-my-keys-out-of-my-car-i-ha_1194843.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0b2/steven-wright-432_break_i-once-locked-my-keys-out-of-my-car-i-ha_1194843.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I once locked my keys out of my car. 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