---
title: "323 Brick Quotes By Jarod Kintz"
description: "323 Brick quotes by Jarod Kintz. Plus more from Jarod Kintz and more Brick sayings from other authors."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/359/jarod-kintz-2_spanish_a-brick-could-be-translated-into-spanish_2057862.jpg"
---

> [“A brick could be translated into Spanish, and then used to landscape a lawn. ”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/a-brick-could-be-translated-into-spanish-and-then-used-to-landscape-a/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/359/jarod-kintz-2_spanish_a-brick-could-be-translated-into-spanish_2057862.jpg)

> [“A brick could be used as a cock block. ”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/a-brick-could-be-used-as-a-cock-block/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f20/jarod-kintz-2_block_a-brick-could-be-used-as-a-cock-block-29_2977092.jpg)

> [“A brick could be used as a patsy in a murder plot. ”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/a-brick-could-be-used-as-a-patsy-in-a-murder-plot/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3ef/jarod-kintz-2_quote_a-brick-could-be-used-as-a-patsy-in-a-mu_1865234.jpg)

> [“Bricks could be used to build stronger relationships. But so could bribes.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/bricks-could-be-used-to-build-stronger-relationships-but-so-could/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5c1/jarod-kintz-2_quote_bricks-could-be-used-to-build-stronger-r_937732.jpg)

> [“A brick could be locked in a safe, because nobody will try to steal it there. ”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/a-brick-could-be-locked-in-a-safe-because-nobody-will-try-to-steal-it/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/499/jarod-kintz-2_brick_a-brick-could-be-locked-in-a-safe-becaus_2396249.jpg)

> [“A brick could be used to say hi to Pink Floyd. ”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/a-brick-could-be-used-to-say-hi-to-pink-floyd/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ed3/jarod-kintz-2_brick_a-brick-could-be-used-to-say-hi-to-pink_726444.jpg)

> [“A brick could be used to separate the Jorges from the hoorays. ”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/a-brick-could-be-used-to-separate-the-jorges-from-the-hoorays/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ef1/jarod-kintz-2_brick_a-brick-could-be-used-to-separate-the-jo_46384.jpg)

> [“You can build with brick, and you can also destroy with a brick. ”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/you-can-build-with-brick-and-you-can-also-destroy-with-a-brick/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/883/jarod-kintz-2_engineering_you-can-build-with-brick-and-you-can-als_1383538.jpg)

> [“A brick could be used for a calf muscle implant for a bodybuilder who wants a competitive edge. ”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/a-brick-could-be-used-for-a-calf-muscle-implant-for-a-bodybuilder-who/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fe6/jarod-kintz-2_bodybuilder_a-brick-could-be-used-for-a-calf-muscle_2607134.jpg)

> [“A brick could be used to stop people from reading my book. Just place the brick on the book’s cover, to discourage…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/a-brick-could-be-used-to-stop-people-from-reading-my-book-just-place/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f3f/jarod-kintz-2_books_a-brick-could-be-used-to-stop-people-fro_2123051.jpg)

> [“A brick could be used to silence your critics. Well, unless all your critics are mutes. ”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/a-brick-could-be-used-to-silence-your-critics-well-unless-all-your/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/20e/jarod-kintz-2_quote_a-brick-could-be-used-to-silence-your-cr_1349117.jpg)

> [“A brick could be used as a bottle opener. Just don’t smash down too hard, or you’ll shatter the bottle. ”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/a-brick-could-be-used-as-a-bottle-opener-just-don-t-smash-down-too/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/33c/jarod-kintz-2_quote_a-brick-could-be-used-as-a-bottle-opener_1475883.jpg)

> [“A brick is a polarizing object. Especially if you find it at either the North or the South Pole. ”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/a-brick-is-a-polarizing-object-especially-if-you-find-it-at-either/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/187/jarod-kintz-2_brick_a-brick-is-a-polarizing-object-especiall_2644241.jpg)

> [“A brick could be used to start a civil war. And then that same brick could be used to start building the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/a-brick-could-be-used-to-start-a-civil-war-and-then-that-same-brick/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/29a/jarod-kintz-2_brick_a-brick-could-be-used-to-start-a-civil-w_301235.jpg)

> [“A brick could be used to declare war on a country made of glass. I’ll bet those citizens would love to drink…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/a-brick-could-be-used-to-declare-war-on-a-country-made-of-glass-i-ll/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c47/jarod-kintz-2_brick_a-brick-could-be-used-to-declare-war-on_401547.jpg)

> [“A brick could be placed in the trunk of a car manufacturer’s competitor, to increase the odds of decreasing their fuel efficiency. ”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/a-brick-could-be-placed-in-the-trunk-of-a-car-manufacturer-s/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c70/jarod-kintz-2_productivity_a-brick-could-be-placed-in-the-trunk-of_1345866.jpg)

> [“A brick could be used as a replacement for an erection. Hey, I did it in the early 2000s, and I gave…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/a-brick-could-be-used-as-a-replacement-for-an-erection-hey-i-did-it/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/753/jarod-kintz-2_brick_a-brick-could-be-used-as-a-replacement-f_65847.jpg)

> [“A brick could be used as a status symbol, much like a Mercedes is now. The cool thing about a brick is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/a-brick-could-be-used-as-a-status-symbol-much-like-a-mercedes-is-now/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/56f/jarod-kintz-2_brick_a-brick-could-be-used-as-a-status-symbol_2983819.jpg)

> [“A brick could be used to make the world safer for our children. Well, not our children, as I don't actually have…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/a-brick-could-be-used-to-make-the-world-safer-for-our-children-well/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f46/jarod-kintz-2_brick_a-brick-could-be-used-to-make-the-world_2822471.jpg)

> [“A brick could be an object to measure your life against. Are you square, rigid, and inflexible? If yes, are you in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/a-brick-could-be-an-object-to-measure-your-life-against-are-you/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/415/jarod-kintz-2_life_a-brick-could-be-an-object-to-measure-yo_1273610.jpg)

> [“Bricks could be used to pad the pockets of crooked politicians. Why stuff their greedy pockets with cash, when we could load…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/bricks-could-be-used-to-pad-the-pockets-of-crooked-politicians-why/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ab2/jarod-kintz-2_brick_bricks-could-be-used-to-pad-the-pockets_2398336.jpg)

> [“A brick could be used to manipulate people into doing what you want. If anything could offer one man an unfair advantage…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/a-brick-could-be-used-to-manipulate-people-into-doing-what-you-want/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e2b/jarod-kintz-2_brick_a-brick-could-be-used-to-manipulate-peop_3016134.jpg)

> [“A brick could be used to unite two long-lost brothers. They’ve been apart for six inches, and that’s entirely too long, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/a-brick-could-be-used-to-unite-two-long-lost-brothers-they-ve-been/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8d0/jarod-kintz-2_apart_a-brick-could-be-used-to-unite-two-long_3195065.jpg)

> [“A brick could be used to help teach teenagers to tie their shoes. Honestly, if they are so stupid that they haven’t…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/a-brick-could-be-used-to-help-teach-teenagers-to-tie-their-shoes/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d6a/jarod-kintz-2_quote_a-brick-could-be-used-to-help-teach-teen_1022752.jpg)

> [“A brick and a blanket walk into a bar, and the bartender turns and says, “What can I get you started with?”…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/a-brick-and-a-blanket-walk-into-a-bar-and-the-bartender-turns-and/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/641/jarod-kintz-2_quote_a-brick-and-a-blanket-walk-into-a-bar-an_1479442.jpg)

> [“A brick is a duplicate. It is a physical copy of the idea for a brick. And what’s the big idea? A…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/a-brick-is-a-duplicate-it-is-a-physical-copy-of-the-idea-for-a-brick/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5fc/jarod-kintz-2_big-idea_a-brick-is-a-duplicate-it-is-a-physical_2761341.jpg)

> [“A brick could be used to help defeat all incumbent politicians whose last name starts with Brj and anything after that alphabetically.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/a-brick-could-be-used-to-help-defeat-all-incumbent-politicians-whose/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bc2/jarod-kintz-2_politics_a-brick-could-be-used-to-help-defeat-all_1704461.jpg)

> [“A brick is what the aliens gave me to communicate with them. It’s easy to operate. Just go to a party, or…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/a-brick-is-what-the-aliens-gave-me-to-communicate-with-them-it-s-easy/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6f0/jarod-kintz-2_communication_a-brick-is-what-the-aliens-gave-me-to-co_1326949.jpg)

> [“A brick could be used in the same manner as a magician’s hat could be used as a basketball. I’m not suggesting…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/a-brick-could-be-used-in-the-same-manner-as-a-magician-s-hat-could-be/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d30/jarod-kintz-2_quote_a-brick-could-be-used-in-the-same-manner_1302801.jpg)

> [“A brick is a lot like love. I mean, I’m sure it is. It simply must be. However, I can’t think of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/a-brick-is-a-lot-like-love-i-mean-i-m-sure-it-is-it-simply-must-be/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1a6/jarod-kintz-2_love_a-brick-is-a-lot-like-love-i-mean-i-m-su_2218973.jpg)

> [“A brick could have been used as a father figure in place of my dad when I was growing up, because a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/a-brick-could-have-been-used-as-a-father-figure-in-place-of-my-dad/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bd3/jarod-kintz-2_dad_a-brick-could-have-been-used-as-a-father_1297547.jpg)

> [“A brick could be used as a hammer. A brick could be both a tool and a building material in the construction…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/a-brick-could-be-used-as-a-hammer-a-brick-could-be-both-a-tool-and-a/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/93b/jarod-kintz-2_quote_a-brick-could-be-used-as-a-hammer-a-bric_730938.jpg)

> [“A brick could be used to show you how to live a richer, fuller, more satisfying life. Don’t you want to have…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/a-brick-could-be-used-to-show-you-how-to-live-a-richer-fuller-more/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/144/jarod-kintz-2_atom-bomb_a-brick-could-be-used-to-show-you-how-to_903142.jpg)

> [“A brick could be used as a book cover. Talk about hardcover! ”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/a-brick-could-be-used-as-a-book-cover-talk-about-hardcover/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/280/jarod-kintz-2_book_a-brick-could-be-used-as-a-book-cover-ta_1368348.jpg)

> [“A brick could be used as a pettable non-furry and non-meowing cat. ”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/a-brick-could-be-used-as-a-pettable-non-furry-and-non-meowing-cat/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/af0/jarod-kintz-2_quote_a-brick-could-be-used-as-a-pettable-non_977973.jpg)

> [“A brick could be used as a car salesman. (A used car salesman.) ”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/a-brick-could-be-used-as-a-car-salesman-a-used-car-salesman/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1da/jarod-kintz-2_brick_a-brick-could-be-used-as-a-car-salesman_2781921.jpg)

> [“A brick is slow, when it’s lying on the floor. But fast when just thrown. ”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/a-brick-is-slow-when-it-s-lying-on-the-floor-but-fast-when-just-thrown/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bba/jarod-kintz-2_brick_a-brick-is-slow-when-it-s-lying-on-the-f_2337405.jpg)

> [“A brick is a banana. No it isn’t. Still, I think you should eat it anyway. ”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/a-brick-is-a-banana-no-it-isn-t-still-i-think-you-should-eat-it-anyway/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/65a/jarod-kintz-2_banana_a-brick-is-a-banana-no-it-isn-t-still-i_2742040.jpg)

> [“A brick could be used to soften resistance. Smash the opposition into a pulp! ”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/a-brick-could-be-used-to-soften-resistance-smash-the-opposition-into/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/906/jarod-kintz-2_brick_a-brick-could-be-used-to-soften-resistan_3068281.jpg)

> [“A brick could be used as a brick. Clever, right? ”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/a-brick-could-be-used-as-a-brick-clever-right/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6dd/jarod-kintz-2_quote_a-brick-could-be-used-as-a-brick-clever_1170291.jpg)

## Other authors on Brick

## More by Jarod Kintz

> [“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/i-notice-when-you-re-gone-or-do-i-how-can-i-observe-something-that/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

> [“I wouldn’t love you if you were the last Sodomite in Gomorrah.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/i-wouldn-t-love-you-if-you-were-the-last-sodomite-in-gomorrah/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

> [“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/a-blanket-could-be-used-to-make-sweet-sweet-music-with-the-love-of/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

> [“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/a-brick-could-be-used-to-slow-down-time-sort-of-like-a-camel-in-a/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

> [“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/we-have-a-love-so-pure-that-it-makes-snow-seem-yellow-don-t-eat-it/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

> [“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/i-hid-mrs-frozenwater-s-body-in-the-ice-cube-trays-in-my-freezer/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

> [“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/two-similar-words-might-lead-to-two-similar-ideas-they-might-also/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

> [“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/nothing-is-and-isn-t-nothing-is-and-isn-t-nothing-itself-is-and-at/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

> [“Embossed letters represent the topography of typography.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/embossed-letters-represent-the-topography-of-typography/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

> [“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/there-s-only-one-piece-of-clothing-i-could-eat-fast-and-that-s-a-scarf/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

> [“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/dora-j-arod-is-to-jarod-ora-as-yes-is-to-yes-yes-is-also-the-correct/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

> [“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/the-best-part-about-being-kidnapped-is-being-blindfolded-and-getting/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

> [“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/orafoura-once-told-me-that-if-i-were-a-car-i-d-be-a-ferrari-one-that/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

> [“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/what-makes-a-good-leader-i-ask-myself-this-every-day-and-then-as-i/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

> [“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/i-d-like-to-file-a-missing-person-s-report-on-my-clone-it-s-nearly/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

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                        "text": "“A brick could be used as a replacement for an erection. Hey, I did it in the early 2000s, and I gave birth to the housing bubble. Well, I didn’t literally give birth to it, but I did impregnate the housing market. \u2028”",
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                        "text": "“Bricks could be used to pad the pockets of crooked politicians. Why stuff their greedy pockets with cash, when we could load them up with bricks and find out how good of swimmers they are?\u2028”",
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                        "text": "“A brick could be used to unite two long-lost brothers. They’ve been apart for six inches, and that’s entirely too long, and I think it’d be good to bring them back together.\u2028”",
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                        "text": "“A brick could be used to help teach teenagers to tie their shoes. Honestly, if they are so stupid that they haven’t figured out how to tie their own shoes by now, torture really is the only path left.\u2028”",
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                        "text": "“A brick and a blanket walk into a bar, and the bartender turns and says, “What can I get you started with?” Before they could reply, a Finnish guy said, “I’ll take a brick in a blanket, hold the ice.” What the bartender started, the Finnish guy finished, and the brick and the blanket thought they’d better to drink elsewhere. * A brick in a blanket: very simple—1/6th of a Twizzler dropped in a glass of vodka, with a blanket of Grenadine on top.\u2028”",
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                        "text": "“A brick is a duplicate. It is a physical copy of the idea for a brick. And what’s the big idea? A brick represents unity, a notion of hey, let’s build something together. Like a house, for example. And after you help me build my house, I’ll use a leftover brick and smash you over the skull so that not only will I not have to pay you for your labor, but I won’t have to pay the butcher for meat, because with your sturdy body, I’m sure I’ll have enough food to feed my family for a year. \u2028”",
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                        "text": "“A brick could be used to help defeat all incumbent politicians whose last name starts with Brj and anything after that alphabetically. Since people tend to vote for the first one on the ballot, Brick would not only benefit from the stupidity of the citizenry, but the people would benefit by electing the smarter of the two candidates. \u2028”",
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                        "text": "“A brick is what the aliens gave me to communicate with them. It’s easy to operate. Just go to a party, or any crowded location, place the brick on your head, and stand perfectly still until they open up lines of communication. If you talk to Egbok Wangor, tell him I want the twenty bucks he owes me—and I’ll even give you a twenty percent collector’s fee.\u2028”",
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                        "text": "“A brick could be used in the same manner as a magician’s hat could be used as a basketball. I’m not suggesting a brick replace a basketball, because that’d be silly. But not as silly as the idea of paying people millions of dollars to put a rubber ball in a rim, while engineers, inventors, teachers, you know, productive people, limp along financially.\u2028”",
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                        "text": "“A brick could be used to show you how to live a richer, fuller, more satisfying life. Don’t you want to have fulfillment and meaning saturating your existence? I can show you how you can achieve this and so much more with just a simple brick. For just $99.99—not even an even hundred bucks, I’ll send you my exclusive life philosophy that’s built around a brick. Man’s used bricks to build houses for centuries. Now let one man, me, show you how a brick can be used to build your life up bigger and stronger than you ever imagined. But act now, because supplies are limited. This amazing offer won’t last forever. You don’t want to wake up in ten years to find yourself divorced, homeless, and missing your testicles because you waited even two hours too long to obtain this information. Become a hero today—save your life. Procrastination is only for the painful things in life. We prolong the boring, but why put off for tomorrow the exciting life you could be living today? If you’re not satisfied with the information I’m providing, I’m willing to offer you a no money back guarantee. That’s right, you read that wrong. If you are not 100% dissatisfied with my product, I’ll give you your money back. For $99.99 I’m offering 99.99%, but you’ve got to be willing to penny up that percentage to 100. Why delay? The life you really want is mine, and I’m willing to give it to you—for a price. That price is a one-time fee of $99.99, which of course everyone can afford—even if they can’t afford it. Homeless people can’t afford it, but they’re the people who need my product the most. Buy my product, or face the fact that in all probability you are going to end up homeless and sexless and unloved and filthy and stinky and probably even disabled, if not physically than certainly mentally. I don’t care if your testicles taste like peanut butter—if you don’t buy my product, even a dog won’t lick your balls you miserable cur. I curse you! God damn it, what are you, slow? Pay me my money so I can show you the path to true wealth. Don’t you want to be rich? Everything takes money—your marriage, your mortgage, and even prostitutes. I can show you the path to prostitution—and it starts by ignoring my pleas to help you. I’m not the bad guy here. I just want to help. You have some serious trust issues, my friend. I have the chance to earn your trust, and all it’s going to cost you is a measly $99.99. Would it help you to trust me if I told you that I trust you? Well, I do. Sure, I trust you. I trust you to make the smart decision for your life and order my product today. Don’t sleep on this decision, because you’ll only wake up in eight hours to find yourself living in a miserable future. And the future indeed looks bleak, my friend. War, famine, children forced to pimp out their parents just to feed the dog. Is this the kind of tomorrow you’d like to live in today? I can show you how to provide enough dog food to feed your grandpa for decades. In the future I’m offering you, your wife isn’t a whore that you sell for a knife swipe of peanut butter because you’re so hungry you actually considered eating your children. Become a hero—and save your kids’ lives. Your wife doesn’t want to spread her legs for strangers. Or maybe she does, and that was a bad example. Still, the principle stands. But you won’t be standing—in the future. Remember, you’ll be confined to a wheelchair. Mushrooms are for pizzas, not clouds, but without me, your life will atom bomb into oblivion. Nobody’s dropping a bomb while I’m around. The only thing I’m dropping is the price. Boom! I just lowered the price for you, just to show you that you are a valued customer. As a VIP, your new price on my product is just $99.96. That’s a savings of over two pennies (three, to be precise). And I’ll even throw in a jar of peanut butter for free. That’s a value of over $.99. But wait, there’s more! If you call within the next ten minutes, I’ll even throw in a blanket free of charge. . .”",
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