---
title: "86 Bow tie Quotes by 69 authors"
description: "Browse 86 Bow tie quotes by 69 authors. Discover the best Bow tie sayings and thoughts."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/38d/dr-seuss-1224_bow-tie_you-can-t-dribble-on-bow-ties-2064218_2064218.png"
---

> [You can't dribble on bow ties.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dr-seuss/you-can-t-dribble-on-bow-ties/)

[Dr. Seuss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dr-seuss/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/38d/dr-seuss-1224_bow-tie_you-can-t-dribble-on-bow-ties-2064218_2064218.png)

> [Bow tie wearers are like a cult.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/malcolm-jenkins/bow-tie-wearers-are-like-a-cult/)

[Malcolm Jenkins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/malcolm-jenkins/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4ee/malcolm-jenkins-9001_bow_bow-tie-wearers-are-like-a-cult-2601240_2601240.jpg)

> [“Bow ties are cool.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-moffat/bow-ties-are-cool/)

[Steven Moffat](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-moffat/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ec1/steven-moffat-2328_bow-tie_bow-ties-are-cool-2777123_2777123.png)

> [“The bow tie is like the pierced eyebrow of the Republican party.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-sedaris/the-bow-tie-is-like-the-pierced-eyebrow-of-the-republican-party/)

[David Sedaris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-sedaris/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3e6/david-sedaris-333_bow-tie_the-bow-tie-is-like-the-pierced-eyebrow_519660.png)

> [I was born with this bow tie made of celluloid on my collar.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sergio-leone/i-was-born-with-this-bow-tie-made-of-celluloid-on-my-collar/)

[Sergio Leone](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sergio-leone/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8cd/sergio-leone-7185_born_i-was-born-with-this-bow-tie-made-of-cel_753266.jpg)

> [I never go black tie. I never grew up wearing ties or bow ties or anything.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/theophilus-london/i-never-go-black-tie-i-never-grew-up-wearing-ties-or-bow-ties-or/)

[Theophilus London](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/theophilus-london/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/724/theophilus-london-2505_black_i-never-go-black-tie-i-never-grew-up-wea_311340.png)

> [I don't know what it is about bow ties, but I love a good bow tie on a man.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/becca-kufrin/i-don-t-know-what-it-is-about-bow-ties-but-i-love-a-good-bow-tie-on-a/)

[Becca Kufrin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/becca-kufrin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cf9/becca-kufrin-9030_bow_i-don-t-know-what-it-is-about-bow-ties-b_135607.jpg)

> [Wearing a bow tie is a statement. Almost an act of defiance.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rick-kaplan/wearing-a-bow-tie-is-a-statement-almost-an-act-of-defiance/)

[Rick Kaplan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rick-kaplan/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a57/rick-kaplan-90836_bow-tie_wearing-a-bow-tie-is-a-statement-almost_593791.png)

> [I love wearing bow ties for no particular reason.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brad-goreski/i-love-wearing-bow-ties-for-no-particular-reason/)

[Brad Goreski](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brad-goreski/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a1e/brad-goreski-2202_bow_i-love-wearing-bow-ties-for-no-particula_2283298.png)

> [People look at you differently if you wear a bow tie, as opposed to a necktie.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dhani-jones/people-look-at-you-differently-if-you-wear-a-bow-tie-as-opposed-to-a/)

[Dhani Jones](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dhani-jones/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ae0/dhani-jones-13677_bow_people-look-at-you-differently-if-you-we_3144741.jpg)

> [Just because you wear a bow tie doesn't mean you're a nerd.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dhani-jones/just-because-you-wear-a-bow-tie-doesn-t-mean-you-re-a-nerd/)

[Dhani Jones](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dhani-jones/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4a2/dhani-jones-13677_bow-tie_just-because-you-wear-a-bow-tie-doesn-t_2945398.jpg)

> [I just wanted to do the funniest show I could do. It just so happens that when you put a guy out…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/soupy-sales/i-just-wanted-to-do-the-funniest-show-i-could-do-it-just-so-happens/)

[Soupy Sales](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/soupy-sales/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3b8/soupy-sales-5310_becomes_i-just-wanted-to-do-the-funniest-show-i_525047.jpg)

> [If you're a boxing referee, it's probably illegal to wear a bow tie that spins or changes colors.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/if-you-re-a-boxing-referee-it-s-probably-illegal-to-wear-a-bow-tie/)

[Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a88/jack-handey-829_bow-tie_if-you-re-a-boxing-referee-it-s-probably_2492034.jpg)

> [As a southern man, there's two things I'm definitely not scared of: bow ties and white pants.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/justin-townes-earle/as-a-southern-man-there-s-two-things-i-m-definitely-not-scared-of-bow/)

[Justin Townes Earle](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/justin-townes-earle/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e6b/justin-townes-earle-20898_bow-tie_as-a-southern-man-there-s-two-things-i-m_2013351.jpg)

> [There are certain tuxes you can get away with a black tie, but with others, you'd be dishonoring the workmanship if you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/luke-evans/there-are-certain-tuxes-you-can-get-away-with-a-black-tie-but-with/)

[Luke Evans](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/luke-evans/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6cf/luke-evans-2230_away_there-are-certain-tuxes-you-can-get-away_1662229.png)

> [I was so happy with my bow ties from the last kickstarted project that I'm back for more.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mike-mills/i-was-so-happy-with-my-bow-ties-from-the-last-kickstarted-project/)

[Mike Mills](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mike-mills/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7c0/mike-mills-12624_bow-tie_i-was-so-happy-with-my-bow-ties-from-the_2862069.png)

> [I was always uncool. I was always from variety - big bow ties, flared trousers. Never cool.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lenny-henry/i-was-always-uncool-i-was-always-from-variety-big-bow-ties-flared/)

[Lenny Henry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lenny-henry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e4a/lenny-henry-4682_always_i-was-always-uncool-i-was-always-from-va_853501.png)

> [Police boxes, tweed blazers and bow ties feel quite English, but I think that is one of his virtues, one of the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/matt-smith/police-boxes-tweed-blazers-and-bow-ties-feel-quite-english-but-i/)

[Matt Smith](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/matt-smith/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/017/matt-smith-5333_bow_police-boxes-tweed-blazers-and-bow-ties_1103200.jpg)

> [An ascot is never a substitute for a well-tied four-in-hand tie or a slightly disheveled bow tie.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/roger-stone/an-ascot-is-never-a-substitute-for-a-well-tied-four-in-hand-tie-or-a/)

[Roger Stone](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/roger-stone/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/51c/roger-stone-3555_bow_an-ascot-is-never-a-substitute-for-a-wel_2579216.png)

> [“His name was Mr. Quan and he was the concierge, which explained the black suit and the lavender shirt but not the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carsten-stroud/his-name-was-mr-quan-and-he-was-the-concierge-which-explained-the/)

[Carsten Stroud](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carsten-stroud/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7d8/carsten-stroud-53460_bow-tie_his-name-was-mr-quan-and-he-was-the-conc_1830832.jpg)

> [But there's something delightfully old-school about sitting in the BBC - obviously wearing a bow tie and monocle - with a co-presenter…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alan-carr/but-there-s-something-delightfully-old-school-about-sitting-in-the/)

[Alan Carr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alan-carr/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/557/alan-carr-12529_bow_but-there-s-something-delightfully-old-s_2496587.jpg)

> [There's four main pillars to the bow tie - self-representation, service, collaboration and critical thought. You have to understand how to represent…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dhani-jones/there-s-four-main-pillars-to-the-bow-tie-self-representation-service/)

[Dhani Jones](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dhani-jones/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d61/dhani-jones-13677_bow-tie_there-s-four-main-pillars-to-the-bow-tie_360707.jpg)

> [I was a 'Laurel and Hardy' nut. I got to know Laurel at the end of his life, and it was a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dick-van-dyke/i-was-a-laurel-and-hardy-nut-i-got-to-know-laurel-at-the-end-of-his/)

[Dick Van Dyke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dick-van-dyke/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a8a/dick-van-dyke-2430_adventure_i-was-a-laurel-and-hardy-nut-i-got-to-kn_1876157.jpg)

> [I was at a party, and some squiggly looking dude with a bow tie came up and said, 'How'd you like to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mario-batali/i-was-at-a-party-and-some-squiggly-looking-dude-with-a-bow-tie-came/)

[Mario Batali](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mario-batali/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d7d/mario-batali-4002_believe_i-was-at-a-party-and-some-squiggly-looki_1213075.jpg)

> [Reminiscing when I had no job. Back when I woulda robbed yo job. Me and my niggas on the streets dog. Throwing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/big-sean/reminiscing-when-i-had-no-job-back-when-i-woulda-robbed-yo-job-me-and/)

[Big Sean](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/big-sean/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/605/big-sean-504_bow-tie_reminiscing-when-i-had-no-job-back-when_419338.jpg)

> [Well what I would really like is a bunch of little n\*\*\*ers to wear long-sleeve white shirts, black shorts and black bow…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paula-deen/well-what-i-would-really-like-is-a-bunch-of-little-n-ers-to-wear-long/)

[Paula Deen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paula-deen/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/323/paula-deen-8030_black_well-what-i-would-really-like-is-a-bunch_3173731.png)

> [Conducting" is when you draw "designs" in the nowhere-with a stick, or with your hands-which are interpreted as "instructional messages" by guys…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/frank-zappa/conducting-is-when-you-draw-designs-in-the-nowhere-with-a-stick-or/)

[Frank Zappa](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/frank-zappa/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7d8/frank-zappa-702_bow-tie_conducting-is-when-you-draw-designs-in-t_3132868.jpg)

> [The bow tie started off with one of my friends, Kunta Littlejohn. He said if you want to be anybody, you've got…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dhani-jones/the-bow-tie-started-off-with-one-of-my-friends-kunta-littlejohn-he/)

[Dhani Jones](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dhani-jones/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/310/dhani-jones-13677_anybody_the-bow-tie-started-off-with-one-of-my-f_1037349.jpg)

> [“Cinder hurried to join her, eager to see what the boys had done. But when she stepped into the sitting room, it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marissa-meyer/cinder-hurried-to-join-her-eager-to-see-what-the-boys-had-done-but/)

[Marissa Meyer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marissa-meyer/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/81a/marissa-meyer-586_bow-tie_cinder-hurried-to-join-her-eager-to-see_1694037.png)

> [“Of the seminal moments in my life, Careers Day in the autumn of Year 5 is my favorite. Everyone had to dress…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/non-pratt/of-the-seminal-moments-in-my-life-careers-day-in-the-autumn-of-year-5/)

[Non Pratt](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/non-pratt/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8af/non-pratt-67946_bow-tie_of-the-seminal-moments-in-my-life-career_1948789.jpg)

> [“You know when I said I didn't need you?" I asked. He lifted one brow. "I was so wrong.I can't find words…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melissa-jensen/you-know-when-i-said-i-didn-t-need-you-i-asked-he-lifted-one-brow-i/)

[Melissa Jensen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melissa-jensen/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/465/melissa-jensen-1612_bow-tie_you-know-when-i-said-i-didn-t-need-you-i_2492.jpg)

> [“Blake pushed open the door by the altar. His rented tuxedo was crisp, the bow tie perfectly straight. Livia stopped and let…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/debra-anastasia/blake-pushed-open-the-door-by-the-altar-his-rented-tuxedo-was-crisp/)

[Debra Anastasia](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/debra-anastasia/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/30a/debra-anastasia-319_bow-tie_blake-pushed-open-the-door-by-the-altar_1591242.jpg)

> [“But there’s never been anyone? Really?” Sarah shrugs. “Penny and I were tutored at home when we were young . . .…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emma-chase/but-there-s-never-been-anyone-really-sarah-shrugs-penny-and-i-were/)

[Emma Chase](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emma-chase/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/36a/emma-chase-699_bow-tie_but-there-s-never-been-anyone-really-sar_843056.jpg)

> [“PERCY ALREADY FELT LIKE THE lamest demigod in the history of lame. The purse was the final insult. They’d left R.O.F.L. in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rick-riordan/percy-already-felt-like-the-lamest-demigod-in-the-history-of-lame-the/)

[Rick Riordan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rick-riordan/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/083/rick-riordan-27_bow-tie_percy-already-felt-like-the-lamest-demig_2051209.jpg)

> [“He had on long swim trunks, which were dark with water and sticking to his thighs. His hair was wet and dripping…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sarah-addison-allen/he-had-on-long-swim-trunks-which-were-dark-with-water-and-sticking-to/)

[Sarah Addison Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sarah-addison-allen/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f85/sarah-addison-allen-810_bow-tie_he-had-on-long-swim-trunks-which-were-da_80998.png)

> [“What does a Star Destroyer wear to a formal occasion? A bow Tie!”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jacen-solo/what-does-a-star-destroyer-wear-to-a-formal-occasion-a-bow-tie/)

[Jacen Solo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jacen-solo/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9ef/jacen-solo-70960_bow-tie_what-does-a-star-destroyer-wear-to-a-for_1746010.jpg)

> [A gentleman can never have too many bow ties.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/justin-timberlake/a-gentleman-can-never-have-too-many-bow-ties/)

[Justin Timberlake](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/justin-timberlake/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c87/justin-timberlake-1538_bow-tie_a-gentleman-can-never-have-too-many-bow_2100720.jpg)

> [See the bowtie? I wear it and I don't care. That's why it's cool.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-moffat/see-the-bowtie-i-wear-it-and-i-don-t-care-that-s-why-it-s-cool/)

[Steven Moffat](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-moffat/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/166/steven-moffat-2328_bow-tie_see-the-bowtie-i-wear-it-and-i-don-t-car_1019351.png)

> [I like bow ties, and I certainly spent a lot of time defending them.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tucker-carlson/i-like-bow-ties-and-i-certainly-spent-a-lot-of-time-defending-them/)

[Tucker Carlson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tucker-carlson/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/70b/tucker-carlson-1798_bow_i-like-bow-ties-and-i-certainly-spent-a_2143570.png)

> [When you wear a bow tie, doors open for you.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dhani-jones/when-you-wear-a-bow-tie-doors-open-for-you/)

[Dhani Jones](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dhani-jones/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cb0/dhani-jones-13677_bow-tie_when-you-wear-a-bow-tie-doors-open-for-y_1699307.jpg)

## Top authors on Bow tie

- [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b004/author-anna-maxwell-martin-13677.jpg) Dhani Jones 7 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/bow-tie/dhani-jones/)

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                        "text": "There are certain tuxes you can get away with a black tie, but with others, you'd be dishonoring the workmanship if you didn't wear a full bow tie.",
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                        "text": "Police boxes, tweed blazers and bow ties feel quite English, but I think that is one of his virtues, one of the strengths of 'Doctor Who.'",
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                        "text": "But there's something delightfully old-school about sitting in the BBC - obviously wearing a bow tie and monocle - with a co-presenter who forgets there's a webcam in there. It's also nice to hear from the general public when they're not swearing at you or asking to extend their credit limit.",
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                        "text": "There's four main pillars to the bow tie - self-representation, service, collaboration and critical thought. You have to understand how to represent yourself and critically understand how to collaborate and serve others.",
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                        "text": "I was a 'Laurel and Hardy' nut. I got to know Laurel at the end of his life, and it was a great thrill for me. He left me his bow tie and derby and told me that if they ever made a movie about him, he'd want me to play him.",
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                        "text": "I was at a party, and some squiggly looking dude with a bow tie came up and said, 'How'd you like to be on TV?' Turns out he was the programming guy at the Food Network. They had me come into the office, and I did a 'Ready, Set, Cook' with Emeril Lagasse, I believe.",
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                        "text": "Reminiscing when I had no job. Back when I woulda robbed yo job. Me and my niggas on the streets dog. Throwing signs up like we roadside. Now the suits and pasta both bow tie.",
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                        "text": "Well what I would really like is a bunch of little n***ers to wear long-sleeve white shirts, black shorts and black bow ties. You know, in the Shirley Temple days, they used to tap dance around. Now, that would be a true Southern wedding wouldn't it? But we can't do that because the media would be on me about that,",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "Conducting\" is when you draw \"designs\" in the nowhere-with a stick, or with your hands-which are interpreted as \"instructional messages\" by guys wearing bow ties who wish they were fishing.",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "The bow tie started off with one of my friends, Kunta Littlejohn. He said if you want to be anybody, you've got to rock the bow tie. I dismissed it at first, but later he told me he had non-Hodgkin's lymphoma, so I decided to wear the bow tie to support him. And as he got better, I came to learn the power of the bow tie.",
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                        "text": "“Cinder hurried to join her, eager to see what the boys had done. But when she stepped into the sitting room, it was not the decorations that caught her attention first, but Wolf, standing in front of the fireplace altar in his formal black-and-red tuxedo. Thought it had been made especially for him, the jacket still stretched across his broad chest and shoulders, and the red bow tie was almost humorous against his fierce features and lupine bone structure. Almost. Despite everything Levana had tried to do to him, Cinder had to admit that he was still handsome, with his olive skin and vivid green eyes and unkempt hair. Most of all, though, it was the look he was giving Scarlet, which would have taken away the breath of any girl. Kai and Thorne were there, too, each of them standing with their hands in their pockets, rocking back on their heels with supremely smug looks on their faces, like they were daring anyone to suggest it wasn't the most beautiful impromptu wedding ever created.”",
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                            "caption": "“Cinder hurried to join her, eager to see what the boys had done. But when she stepped into the sitting room…” — Marissa Meyer",
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                        "text": "“Of the seminal moments in my life, Careers Day in the autumn of Year 5 is my favorite. Everyone had to dress as whatever they wanted to be once they grew up. I had gone in a tweed jacket and a bow tie, and when Miss Weston asked me what I wanted to be, I told her that I wanted to be the Doctor. 'Shouldn't you be wearing a lab coat and stethoscope like Paul?' She pointed to Paul Black, who was trying to strangle everyone with the stethoscope in question. Before I could answer, a boy I didn't know from the other class spoke up. 'Paul's *a* doctor,' he explained, giving me a look of approval. 'He wants to be *the* Doctor.' 'Who?' 'Exactly,' we said at the same time, relieved that she understood. She didn't. We were sent to the quiet table to reflect on why cheeking teachers was wrong.”",
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                        "text": "“You know when I said I didn't need you?\" I asked. He lifted one brow. \"I was so wrong.I can't find words to express quite how wrong I was.\" \"Try.\" \"Dramatically wrong,\" I said. \"Terribly.\" \"Please.\" \"Okay,terrifically. Horrifically. Catastrophically.\" I gave him my best meek smile. \"Forgivably?\" He rolled his eyes. \"I should have bought you a thesaurus for Christmas.\" I had his present in my bag (a bow tie that may or may not have once belong to Dean Martin, courtesy of eBay) and had a vague suspicion that the big lump in his coat pocket was a multicolored scarf I'd drooled over at Urban Outfitters. \"I still think Bainbridge is an ass,\" he added. \"I've been there,y'know. On the edge of where they live, wanting in.\" \"I know.\" \"You're better than that.\" \"I know that,too.\" Kinda,anyway. I thought Frankie was pretty amazingly brave in about a hundred ways. He leaned forward them, and pancaked my hands between his. \"I am here for youse, Marino.Forevah and evah.\" \"No matter how stupidly I behave?\" \"Don't push it. And don't lie to me again.Now,what are you going to do about the Edward stuff?”",
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                        "text": "“Blake pushed open the door by the altar. His rented tuxedo was crisp, the bow tie perfectly straight. Livia stopped and let the sight of him evaporate her common sense. When his eyes found hers, he placed a hand over his heart, as if it might stop again. “You are so lovely,” he said. Livia wrinkled her nose and blew him a kiss.”",
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                        "text": "“But there’s never been anyone? Really?” Sarah shrugs. “Penny and I were tutored at home when we were young . . . but in year ten, there was this one boy.” I rub my hands together. “Here we go—tell me everything. I want all the sick, lurid details. Was he a footballer? Big and strong, captain of the team, the most popular boy in school?” I could see it. Sarah’s delicate, long and lithe, but dainty, beautiful—any young man would’ve been desperate to have her on his arm. In his lap. In his bed, on the hood of his car, riding his face . . . all of the above. “He was captain of the chess team.” I cover my eyes with my hand. “His name was Davey. He wore these adorable tweed jackets and bow ties, he had blond hair, and was a bit pale because of the asthma. He had the same glasses as I and he had a different pair of argyle socks for every day of the year.” “You’re messing with me, right?” She shakes her head. “Argyle socks, Sarah? I am so disappointed in you right now.” “He was nice,” she chides. “You leave my Davey alone.” Then she laughs again—delighted and free. My cock reacts hard and fast, emphasis on hard. It’s like sodding granite. “So what happened to old Davey boy?” “I was alone in the library one day and he came up and started to ask me to the spring social. And I was so excited and nervous I could barely breathe.” I picture how she must’ve looked then. But in my mind’s eyes she’s really not any different than she is right now. Innocent, sweet, and so real she couldn’t deceive someone if her life depended on it. “And then before he could finish the question, I . . .” I don’t realize I’m leaning toward her until she stops talking and I almost fall over. “You . . . what?” Sarah hides behind her hands. “I threw up on him.” And I try not to laugh. I swear I try . . . but I’m only human. So I end up laughing so hard the car shakes and I can’t speak for several minutes. “Christ almighty.” “And I’d had fish and chips for lunch.” Sarah’s laughing too. “It was awful.” “Oh you poor thing.” I shake my head, still chuckling. “And poor Davey.” “Yes.” She wipes under her eyes with her finger. “Poor Davey. He never came near me again after that.” “Coward—he didn’t deserve you. I would’ve swam through a whole lake of puke to take a girl like you to the social.” She smiles so brightly at me, her cheeks maroon and round like two shiny apples. “I think that’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.” I wiggle my eyebrows. “I’m all about the compliments.”",
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                        "text": "“PERCY ALREADY FELT LIKE THE lamest demigod in the history of lame. The purse was the final insult. They’d left R.O.F.L. in a hurry, so maybe Iris hadn’t meant the bag as a criticism. She’d quickly stuffed it with vitamin-enriched pastries, dried fruit leather, macrobiotic beef jerky, and a few crystals for good luck. Then she’d shoved it at Percy: Here, you’ll need this. Oh, that looks good. The purse—sorry, masculine accessory bag—was rainbow tie-dyed with a peace symbol stitched in wooden beads and the slogan Hug the Whole World. Percy wished it said Hug the Commode. He felt like the bag was a comment on his massive, incredible uselessness. As they sailed north, he put the man satchel as far away from him as he could, but the boat was small.”",
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                        "text": "“He had on long swim trunks, which were dark with water and sticking to his thighs. His hair was wet and dripping into his eyes, and he smelled like warm lake water. She cleared her throat. \"I almost didn't recognize you without your suit,\" she said. A corner of his mouth lifted, amused. \"It's a different kind of suit.\" \"But no bow tie.\" \"Hard to swim in. I tried.”",
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