---
title: "4 Bites Quotes By Mitch Hedberg"
description: "4 Bites quotes by Mitch Hedberg. Plus more from Mitch Hedberg and more Bites sayings from other authors."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/54a/mitch-hedberg-695_bad-situation_i-made-3-000-opening-for-the-neville-bro_384950.png"
---

> [I made $3,000 opening for the Neville Brothers, and they paid me in cash. That was a bad situation, because I bought…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-made-3-000-opening-for-the-neville-brothers-and-they-paid-me-in/)

[Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/54a/mitch-hedberg-695_bad-situation_i-made-3-000-opening-for-the-neville-bro_384950.png)

> [Swiss cheese is the only cheese you can draw and people can identify. You can draw American cheese, but someone will think…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/swiss-cheese-is-the-only-cheese-you-can-draw-and-people-can-identify/)

[Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e7b/mitch-hedberg-695_bites_swiss-cheese-is-the-only-cheese-you-can_3015274.png)

> [Swiss Cheese is a rip-off It's the only cheese I can bite into and miss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/swiss-cheese-is-a-rip-off-it-s-the-only-cheese-i-can-bite-into-and/)

[Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/810/mitch-hedberg-695_bites_swiss-cheese-is-a-rip-off-it-s-the-only_3025286.png)

> [A snake bite emergency kit is a body bag.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/a-snake-bite-emergency-kit-is-a-body-bag/)

[Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/22b/mitch-hedberg-695_bags_a-snake-bite-emergency-kit-is-a-body-bag_3224199.png)

## Other authors on Bites

## More by Mitch Hedberg

> [I don't wear a watch because I want my arms to weigh the same. So if somebody asks me what time it is, I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-don-t-wear-a-watch-because-i-want-my-arms-to-weigh-the-same-so-if/)

[Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/)

> [There was a product on late night TV that you could attach to your garden hose - "You can water your hard-to-reach plants with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/there-was-a-product-on-late-night-tv-that-you-could-attach-to-your/)

[Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/)

> [Imagine if you were a drummer, and you accidentally picked up two magic wands instead of sticks. There you are, keeping the beat, the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/imagine-if-you-were-a-drummer-and-you-accidentally-picked-up-two/)

[Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/)

> [I like wearing necklaces, because it lets me know when I'm upside down.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-like-wearing-necklaces-because-it-lets-me-know-when-i-m-upside-down/)

[Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/)

> [I'm sick of Soup Of The Day, man. It's time we make a decision. I need to know what Soup From Now On is.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-m-sick-of-soup-of-the-day-man-it-s-time-we-make-a-decision-i-need/)

[Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/)

> [I have a friend who is a juggler. If I'm at his house, I don't like to take food from him, if it's in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-have-a-friend-who-is-a-juggler-if-i-m-at-his-house-i-don-t-like-to/)

[Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/)

> [I don't get the regular AIDS test anymore. I get the roundabout AIDS test. I ask my friend Brian, "Do you know anybody who…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-don-t-get-the-regular-aids-test-anymore-i-get-the-roundabout-aids/)

[Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/)

> [I don't know how to fix a car. If the car breaks down, and the gas tank does not say "E", I'm screwed. But…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-don-t-know-how-to-fix-a-car-if-the-car-breaks-down-and-the-gas-tank/)

[Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/)

> [I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-drank-some-boiling-water-because-i-wanted-to-whistle/)

[Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/)

> [What's a sesame seed grow into? I don't know we never give them a chance, what the fuck is a sesame?! It's a street...…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/what-s-a-sesame-seed-grow-into-i-don-t-know-we-never-give-them-a/)

[Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/)

> [I'm an ice sculptor. Last night I made a cube.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-m-an-ice-sculptor-last-night-i-made-a-cube/)

[Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/)

> [I went to a restaurant with my friend, and he said, "Pass the salt." I said, "Screw you! Sit closer to the salt."](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-went-to-a-restaurant-with-my-friend-and-he-said-pass-the-salt-i/)

[Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/)

> [I had a bag of Fritos, they were Texas grilled Fritos. These Fritos had grill marks on them. They remind me of summer, when…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-had-a-bag-of-fritos-they-were-texas-grilled-fritos-these-fritos-had/)

[Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/)

> [I bought a house, it's a two bedroom house, but I think it's up to me to decide how many bedrooms there are. This…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-bought-a-house-it-s-a-two-bedroom-house-but-i-think-it-s-up-to-me/)

[Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/)

> [Mr. Pibb is a poor imitation of Dr. Pepper. Dude didn't even get his degree.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/mr-pibb-is-a-poor-imitation-of-dr-pepper-dude-didn-t-even-get-his/)

[Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/)

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