--- title: "12 Bigs Quotes By Dana Gould" description: "12 Bigs quotes by Dana Gould. Plus more from Dana Gould and more Bigs sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/61e/dana-gould-1290_bigs_why-is-it-when-i-have-nothing-to-do-i-dr_795248.png" --- > [Why is it, when I have nothing to do, I drink more coffee? It's as if I'm in a big hurry to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/why-is-it-when-i-have-nothing-to-do-i-drink-more-coffee-it-s-as-if-i/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/61e/dana-gould-1290_bigs_why-is-it-when-i-have-nothing-to-do-i-dr_795248.png) > [Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/why-do-i-always-meet-women-as-i-m-leaving-the-dog-park-with-a-big-bag/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/006/dana-gould-1290_bags_why-do-i-always-meet-women-as-i-m-leavin_2067107.png) > [I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-have-all-my-ex-girlfriends-lumped-into-one-big-girlfriend-i-called/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/261/dana-gould-1290_big-girl_i-have-all-my-ex-girlfriends-lumped-into_2189308.png) > [There's a big difference between poll workers and pole workers. Sadly.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/there-s-a-big-difference-between-poll-workers-and-pole-workers-sadly/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/402/dana-gould-1290_bigs_there-s-a-big-difference-between-poll-wo_1835276.png) > [The Elephant Man claimed his head was big because, it's so full of dreams. Actually, it's because his skull was shaped like…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/the-elephant-man-claimed-his-head-was-big-because-it-s-so-full-of/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a0c/dana-gould-1290_bigs_the-elephant-man-claimed-his-head-was-bi_2983314.png) > [Just saw a woman with a big tattoo of Jesus on her back. I guess it's an ixnay on the oggy style-day.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/just-saw-a-woman-with-a-big-tattoo-of-jesus-on-her-back-i-guess-it-s/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d61/dana-gould-1290_bigs_just-saw-a-woman-with-a-big-tattoo-of-je_1865363.png) > [If Jesus was a baby, there was a point, on that Holiest of nights, in that Holiest of mangers, where he made…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/if-jesus-was-a-baby-there-was-a-point-on-that-holiest-of-nights-in/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/449/dana-gould-1290_baby_if-jesus-was-a-baby-there-was-a-point-on_2433660.png) > [Drum Competitions are called such because no one wants to win the big Beat Off.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/drum-competitions-are-called-such-because-no-one-wants-to-win-the-big/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f7e/dana-gould-1290_beats_drum-competitions-are-called-such-becaus_2890756.png) > [If studies on lab rats are any indication, human beings have a deep-seated fear of a big, scary cat being let into…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/if-studies-on-lab-rats-are-any-indication-human-beings-have-a-deep/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/91a/dana-gould-1290_bigs_if-studies-on-lab-rats-are-any-indicatio_1963006.png) > [If life begins at conception, but you can be born again later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/if-life-begins-at-conception-but-you-can-be-born-again-later-only-to/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e61/dana-gould-1290_after-death_if-life-begins-at-conception-but-you-can_223742.png) > [A big blizzard proves there's no global warming in the same way being out of milk proves there's no such thing as…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/a-big-blizzard-proves-there-s-no-global-warming-in-the-same-way-being/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bed/dana-gould-1290_bigs_a-big-blizzard-proves-there-s-no-global_2432603.png) > [I know that big, important things don't just come together overnight, but I've been me for a long time now and it's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-know-that-big-important-things-don-t-just-come-together-overnight/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4e6/dana-gould-1290_bigs_i-know-that-big-important-things-don-t-j_1183335.png) ## Other authors on Bigs ## More by Dana Gould > [As hard as I try to live with some degree of faith in my life, I just can't believe that the full moon can…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/as-hard-as-i-try-to-live-with-some-degree-of-faith-in-my-life-i-just/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [The older I get, the more I look like my favorite shoes.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/the-older-i-get-the-more-i-look-like-my-favorite-shoes/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [Somewhere, there's someone who's masturbation ritual ends with them setting up ventriloquist dummies facing the bed. I mean, someone else.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/somewhere-there-s-someone-who-s-masturbation-ritual-ends-with-them/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [I feel very uncomfortable when I eat in restaurants. I'm obnoxiously polite with the waiters: 'I just want a tuna sandwich. I'll go get…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-feel-very-uncomfortable-when-i-eat-in-restaurants-i-m-obnoxiously/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [Cowboy boots with a suit? You're a rough, tough businessman. Chaps with a bow tie? You're in the rough, tough man business.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/cowboy-boots-with-a-suit-you-re-a-rough-tough-businessman-chaps-with/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [Despite a primitive brain, the octopus possesses an intricate system that helps it decide which tentacle to masturbate with.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/despite-a-primitive-brain-the-octopus-possesses-an-intricate-system/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [I got mugged about six months ago. The oddest thing about the entire situation, though, was that I wasn't afraid, which is strange because…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-got-mugged-about-six-months-ago-the-oddest-thing-about-the-entire/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-m-the-forrest-gump-of-comedy/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [It's gonna be awesome! A suspected pedophile dunks my kids head in a bucket so when she dies she can live in an invisible…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/it-s-gonna-be-awesome-a-suspected-pedophile-dunks-my-kids-head-in-a/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/if-i-ever-go-into-a-coma-one-of-you-has-to-promise-to-come-by/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/they-say-that-god-is-in-the-details-then-again-they-also-say-that-the/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [I have one phobia, snakes. And by snakes I mean intimacy.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-have-one-phobia-snakes-and-by-snakes-i-mean-intimacy/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [My whole approach to marriage is simple: my wife will do something that drives me insane, I won't say anything, and then, later, I'll…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/my-whole-approach-to-marriage-is-simple-my-wife-will-do-something/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [Wrote a science fiction novel about a man who wins an argument with his wife, but it was rejected for being too farfetched.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/wrote-a-science-fiction-novel-about-a-man-who-wins-an-argument-with/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [If life begins at conception, but you can be born again later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big deal about…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/if-life-begins-at-conception-but-you-can-be-born-again-later-only-to/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/bigs/dana-gould/#itemlist", "name": "12 Bigs Quotes By Dana Gould", "numberOfItems": 12, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Why is it, when I have nothing to do, I drink more coffee? 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