--- title: "11 Beard Quotes By Jarod Kintz" description: "11 Beard quotes by Jarod Kintz. Plus more from Jarod Kintz and more Beard sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f04/jarod-kintz-2_beard_my-beard-has-started-growing-a-beard-of_489509.jpg" --- > [“My beard has started growing a beard of its own, and I’m stuck having to take it for a walk.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/my-beard-has-started-growing-a-beard-of-its-own-and-i-m-stuck-having/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f04/jarod-kintz-2_beard_my-beard-has-started-growing-a-beard-of_489509.jpg) > [“I want a beard as white as snow, and two feet deep.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/i-want-a-beard-as-white-as-snow-and-two-feet-deep/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ec5/jarod-kintz-2_quote_i-want-a-beard-as-white-as-snow-and-two_1810284.jpg) > [“I thought she was sexy until I noticed she had a beard.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/i-thought-she-was-sexy-until-i-noticed-she-had-a-beard/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/834/jarod-kintz-2_beard_i-thought-she-was-sexy-until-i-noticed-s_3081777.jpg) > [“I’m growing an Abe Lincoln beard. On my ball sack.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/i-m-growing-an-abe-lincoln-beard-on-my-ball-sack/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/780/jarod-kintz-2_beard_i-m-growing-an-abe-lincoln-beard-on-my-b_2875229.jpg) > [“Pet my 3:33 pm like it’s a beard. Live it, but don’t lick it.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/pet-my-3-33-pm-like-it-s-a-beard-live-it-but-don-t-lick-it/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2dc/jarod-kintz-2_beard_pet-my-3-33-pm-like-it-s-a-beard-live-it_3197899.jpg) > [“In the name of freedom and redistribution of wealth, I’ve decided to grow a beard on my chest.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/in-the-name-of-freedom-and-redistribution-of-wealth-i-ve-decided-to/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/455/jarod-kintz-2_beard_in-the-name-of-freedom-and-redistributio_3207599.jpg) > [“I wish I could grow out a beard, but my employer won’t let me. Also, Mother Nature won’t let me either. She’s…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/i-wish-i-could-grow-out-a-beard-but-my-employer-won-t-let-me-also/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e0e/jarod-kintz-2_beard_i-wish-i-could-grow-out-a-beard-but-my-e_486416.jpg) > [“If anybody ever tells me to face them like a man, I’ll get offended, because my face can’t grow a beard.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/if-anybody-ever-tells-me-to-face-them-like-a-man-i-ll-get-offended/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0a7/jarod-kintz-2_quote_if-anybody-ever-tells-me-to-face-them-li_1794860.jpg) > [“A brick could be used as a Red Beard Replacement, for those of us who can’t grow facial hair, but desire the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/a-brick-could-be-used-as-a-red-beard-replacement-for-those-of-us-who/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cec/jarod-kintz-2_facial-hair_a-brick-could-be-used-as-a-red-beard-rep_984004.jpg) > [“If love were a pirate, then maybe I would wear an unopened condom over my eye, like an eye patch, and shave…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/if-love-were-a-pirate-then-maybe-i-would-wear-an-unopened-condom-over/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6c1/jarod-kintz-2_beard_if-love-were-a-pirate-then-maybe-i-would_1625945.jpg) > [“My ex girlfriend, she gave great log cabin. But she couldn’t write a speech like Lincoln. So I grew a beard and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/my-ex-girlfriend-she-gave-great-log-cabin-but-she-couldn-t-write-a/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/39c/jarod-kintz-2_beard_my-ex-girlfriend-she-gave-great-log-cabi_629465.jpg) ## Other authors on Beard ## More by Jarod Kintz > [“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/i-notice-when-you-re-gone-or-do-i-how-can-i-observe-something-that/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) > [“I wouldn’t love you if you were the last Sodomite in Gomorrah.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/i-wouldn-t-love-you-if-you-were-the-last-sodomite-in-gomorrah/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) > [“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/a-blanket-could-be-used-to-make-sweet-sweet-music-with-the-love-of/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) > [“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/a-brick-could-be-used-to-slow-down-time-sort-of-like-a-camel-in-a/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) > [“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/we-have-a-love-so-pure-that-it-makes-snow-seem-yellow-don-t-eat-it/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) > [“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/i-hid-mrs-frozenwater-s-body-in-the-ice-cube-trays-in-my-freezer/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) > [“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/two-similar-words-might-lead-to-two-similar-ideas-they-might-also/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) > [“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/nothing-is-and-isn-t-nothing-is-and-isn-t-nothing-itself-is-and-at/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) > [“Embossed letters represent the topography of typography.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/embossed-letters-represent-the-topography-of-typography/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) > [“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/there-s-only-one-piece-of-clothing-i-could-eat-fast-and-that-s-a-scarf/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) > [“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/dora-j-arod-is-to-jarod-ora-as-yes-is-to-yes-yes-is-also-the-correct/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) > [“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/the-best-part-about-being-kidnapped-is-being-blindfolded-and-getting/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) > [“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/orafoura-once-told-me-that-if-i-were-a-car-i-d-be-a-ferrari-one-that/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) > [“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/what-makes-a-good-leader-i-ask-myself-this-every-day-and-then-as-i/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) > [“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/i-d-like-to-file-a-missing-person-s-report-on-my-clone-it-s-nearly/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/beard/jarod-kintz/#itemlist", "name": "11 Beard Quotes By Jarod Kintz", "numberOfItems": 11, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“My beard has started growing a beard of its own, and I’m stuck having to take it for a walk.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jarod Kintz" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/my-beard-has-started-growing-a-beard-of-its-own-and-i-m-stuck-having/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f04/jarod-kintz-2_beard_my-beard-has-started-growing-a-beard-of_489509.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f04/jarod-kintz-2_beard_my-beard-has-started-growing-a-beard-of_489509.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f04/jarod-kintz-2_beard_my-beard-has-started-growing-a-beard-of_489509.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“My beard has started growing a beard of its own, and I’m stuck having to take it for a walk.” — Jarod Kintz", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“I want a beard as white as snow, and two feet deep.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jarod Kintz" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/i-want-a-beard-as-white-as-snow-and-two-feet-deep/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ec5/jarod-kintz-2_quote_i-want-a-beard-as-white-as-snow-and-two_1810284.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ec5/jarod-kintz-2_quote_i-want-a-beard-as-white-as-snow-and-two_1810284.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ec5/jarod-kintz-2_quote_i-want-a-beard-as-white-as-snow-and-two_1810284.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I want a beard as white as snow, and two feet deep.” — Jarod Kintz", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“I thought she was sexy until I noticed she had a beard.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jarod Kintz" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/i-thought-she-was-sexy-until-i-noticed-she-had-a-beard/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/834/jarod-kintz-2_beard_i-thought-she-was-sexy-until-i-noticed-s_3081777.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/834/jarod-kintz-2_beard_i-thought-she-was-sexy-until-i-noticed-s_3081777.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/834/jarod-kintz-2_beard_i-thought-she-was-sexy-until-i-noticed-s_3081777.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I thought she was sexy until I noticed she had a beard.” — Jarod Kintz", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“I’m growing an Abe Lincoln beard. 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Also, Mother Nature won’t let me either. She’s not my real mother, you know. I adopted her.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jarod Kintz" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/i-wish-i-could-grow-out-a-beard-but-my-employer-won-t-let-me-also/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e0e/jarod-kintz-2_beard_i-wish-i-could-grow-out-a-beard-but-my-e_486416.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e0e/jarod-kintz-2_beard_i-wish-i-could-grow-out-a-beard-but-my-e_486416.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e0e/jarod-kintz-2_beard_i-wish-i-could-grow-out-a-beard-but-my-e_486416.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I wish I could grow out a beard, but my employer won’t let me. 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