---
title: "5 Bars Quotes By Tommy Cooper"
description: "5 Bars quotes by Tommy Cooper. Plus more from Tommy Cooper and more Bars sayings from other authors."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1f4/tommy-cooper-8755_bars_two-peanuts-walk-into-a-rather-rough-bar_1257670.jpg"
---

> [Two peanuts walk into a rather rough bar, not looking for any trouble. Unfortunately, one was a salted.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tommy-cooper/two-peanuts-walk-into-a-rather-rough-bar-not-looking-for-any-trouble/)

[Tommy Cooper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tommy-cooper/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1f4/tommy-cooper-8755_bars_two-peanuts-walk-into-a-rather-rough-bar_1257670.jpg)

> [Man went into a bar, he only had one arm. Guy sitting next to him said 'Hey, you've got your sleeve in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tommy-cooper/man-went-into-a-bar-he-only-had-one-arm-guy-sitting-next-to-him-said/)

[Tommy Cooper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tommy-cooper/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c64/tommy-cooper-8755_arms_man-went-into-a-bar-he-only-had-one-arm_1445901.jpg)

> [A man walks into a bar, and he said OUCH, cause it was an iron bar.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tommy-cooper/a-man-walks-into-a-bar-and-he-said-ouch-cause-it-was-an-iron-bar/)

[Tommy Cooper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tommy-cooper/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3f1/tommy-cooper-8755_bars_a-man-walks-into-a-bar-and-he-said-ouch_1812266.jpg)

> [A jump lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tommy-cooper/a-jump-lead-walks-into-a-bar-the-barman-says-i-ll-serve-you-but-don-t/)

[Tommy Cooper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tommy-cooper/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/64e/tommy-cooper-8755_barmen_a-jump-lead-walks-into-a-bar-the-barman_2318234.jpg)

> [A guy walks into a pub with a lump of asphalt on His shoulder, He says to the bar man give us…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tommy-cooper/a-guy-walks-into-a-pub-with-a-lump-of-asphalt-on-his-shoulder-he-says/)

[Tommy Cooper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tommy-cooper/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/84b/tommy-cooper-8755_asphalt_a-guy-walks-into-a-pub-with-a-lump-of-as_2444444.jpg)

## Other authors on Bars

## More by Tommy Cooper

> [It doesn't matter how many times the audience has heard it before. If it's funny, it's funny.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tommy-cooper/it-doesn-t-matter-how-many-times-the-audience-has-heard-it-before-if/)

[Tommy Cooper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tommy-cooper/)

> [“Two blondes walk into a building. You'd think at least one of them would have seen it.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tommy-cooper/two-blondes-walk-into-a-building-you-d-think-at-least-one-of-them/)

[Tommy Cooper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tommy-cooper/)

> [Last night I slept like a log. I woke up in the fire place.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tommy-cooper/last-night-i-slept-like-a-log-i-woke-up-in-the-fire-place/)

[Tommy Cooper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tommy-cooper/)

> [A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tommy-cooper/a-blind-bloke-walks-into-a-shop-with-a-guide-dog-he-picks-the-dog-up/)

[Tommy Cooper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tommy-cooper/)

> [I inherited a painting and a violin which turned out to be a Rembrandt and a Stradivarius. Unfortunately, Rembrandt made lousy violins and Stradivarius…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tommy-cooper/i-inherited-a-painting-and-a-violin-which-turned-out-to-be-a/)

[Tommy Cooper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tommy-cooper/)

> [Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tommy-cooper/last-night-i-dreamed-i-ate-a-ten-pound-marshmallow-and-when-i-woke-up/)

[Tommy Cooper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tommy-cooper/)

> [I bought some HP sauce the other day. It's costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tommy-cooper/i-bought-some-hp-sauce-the-other-day-it-s-costing-me-6p-a-month-for/)

[Tommy Cooper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tommy-cooper/)

> [Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tommy-cooper/our-ice-cream-man-was-found-lying-on-the-floor-of-his-van-covered/)

[Tommy Cooper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tommy-cooper/)

> [Gambling has brought our family together. We had to move to a smaller house.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tommy-cooper/gambling-has-brought-our-family-together-we-had-to-move-to-a-smaller/)

[Tommy Cooper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tommy-cooper/)

> [And an airplane of spittle dived into the sea, there were no salivas.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tommy-cooper/and-an-airplane-of-spittle-dived-into-the-sea-there-were-no-salivas/)

[Tommy Cooper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tommy-cooper/)

> [He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library. I thought, "That's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tommy-cooper/he-said-i-m-going-to-chop-off-the-bottom-of-one-of-your-trouser-legs/)

[Tommy Cooper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tommy-cooper/)

> [My wife said, 'Take me in your arms and whisper something soft and sweet.' I said, 'chocolate fudge.'](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tommy-cooper/my-wife-said-take-me-in-your-arms-and-whisper-something-soft-and/)

[Tommy Cooper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tommy-cooper/)

> [Electricity is a wonderful thing. Do you realise that if we didn't have electricity, we'd be watching television by candle light?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tommy-cooper/electricity-is-a-wonderful-thing-do-you-realise-that-if-we-didn-t/)

[Tommy Cooper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tommy-cooper/)

> [And the back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people were chucking money to him. I said 'Do you earn a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tommy-cooper/and-the-back-of-his-anorak-was-leaping-up-and-down-and-people-were/)

[Tommy Cooper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tommy-cooper/)

> [Went to the corner shop - bought 4 corners.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tommy-cooper/went-to-the-corner-shop-bought-4-corners/)

[Tommy Cooper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tommy-cooper/)

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