---
title: "2 Bald Quotes By Dana Gould"
description: "2 Bald quotes by Dana Gould. Plus more from Dana Gould and more Bald sayings from other authors."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/25e/dana-gould-1290_bald_why-do-some-bald-guys-grow-ponytails-it_940528.png"
---

> [Why do some bald guys grow ponytails? It it the same reason people too old to run always wear track shoes and sweat pants?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/why-do-some-bald-guys-grow-ponytails-it-it-the-same-reason-people-too/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/25e/dana-gould-1290_bald_why-do-some-bald-guys-grow-ponytails-it_940528.png)

> [You rarely get a convincing lecture on playing to your strength from a bald guy with a ponytail.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/you-rarely-get-a-convincing-lecture-on-playing-to-your-strength-from/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/170/dana-gould-1290_bald_you-rarely-get-a-convincing-lecture-on-p_2947120.png)

## More by Dana Gould

> [As hard as I try to live with some degree of faith in my life, I just can't believe that the full moon can…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/as-hard-as-i-try-to-live-with-some-degree-of-faith-in-my-life-i-just/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

> [The older I get, the more I look like my favorite shoes.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/the-older-i-get-the-more-i-look-like-my-favorite-shoes/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

> [Somewhere, there's someone who's masturbation ritual ends with them setting up ventriloquist dummies facing the bed. I mean, someone else.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/somewhere-there-s-someone-who-s-masturbation-ritual-ends-with-them/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

> [I feel very uncomfortable when I eat in restaurants. I'm obnoxiously polite with the waiters: 'I just want a tuna sandwich. I'll go get…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-feel-very-uncomfortable-when-i-eat-in-restaurants-i-m-obnoxiously/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

> [Cowboy boots with a suit? You're a rough, tough businessman. Chaps with a bow tie? You're in the rough, tough man business.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/cowboy-boots-with-a-suit-you-re-a-rough-tough-businessman-chaps-with/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

> [Despite a primitive brain, the octopus possesses an intricate system that helps it decide which tentacle to masturbate with.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/despite-a-primitive-brain-the-octopus-possesses-an-intricate-system/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

> [I got mugged about six months ago. The oddest thing about the entire situation, though, was that I wasn't afraid, which is strange because…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-got-mugged-about-six-months-ago-the-oddest-thing-about-the-entire/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

> [I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-m-the-forrest-gump-of-comedy/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

> [It's gonna be awesome! A suspected pedophile dunks my kids head in a bucket so when she dies she can live in an invisible…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/it-s-gonna-be-awesome-a-suspected-pedophile-dunks-my-kids-head-in-a/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

> [If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/if-i-ever-go-into-a-coma-one-of-you-has-to-promise-to-come-by/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

> [They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/they-say-that-god-is-in-the-details-then-again-they-also-say-that-the/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

> [I have one phobia, snakes. And by snakes I mean intimacy.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-have-one-phobia-snakes-and-by-snakes-i-mean-intimacy/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

> [My whole approach to marriage is simple: my wife will do something that drives me insane, I won't say anything, and then, later, I'll…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/my-whole-approach-to-marriage-is-simple-my-wife-will-do-something/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

> [Wrote a science fiction novel about a man who wins an argument with his wife, but it was rejected for being too farfetched.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/wrote-a-science-fiction-novel-about-a-man-who-wins-an-argument-with/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

> [If life begins at conception, but you can be born again later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big deal about…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/if-life-begins-at-conception-but-you-can-be-born-again-later-only-to/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

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