--- title: "5 Bags Quotes By Jack Handey" description: "5 Bags quotes by Jack Handey. Plus more from Jack Handey and more Bags sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e6e/jack-handey-829_amusement_if-there-s-ever-an-amusement-park-called_191892.jpg" --- > [If there's ever an amusement park called Bag World, I bet it would really start to annoy you after a while how…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/if-there-s-ever-an-amusement-park-called-bag-world-i-bet-it-would/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e6e/jack-handey-829_amusement_if-there-s-ever-an-amusement-park-called_191892.jpg) > [The people in the village were real poor, so none of the children had any toys. But this one little boy had…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/the-people-in-the-village-were-real-poor-so-none-of-the-children-had/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bdc/jack-handey-829_bags_the-people-in-the-village-were-real-poor_291352.jpg) > [You know what's probably a good thing to hang on your porch in the summertime, to keep mosquitoes away from you and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/you-know-what-s-probably-a-good-thing-to-hang-on-your-porch-in-the/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6a5/jack-handey-829_away-from-you_you-know-what-s-probably-a-good-thing-to_463754.jpg) > [Today I accidentally stepped on a snail on the sidewalk in front of our house. And I thought, I too am like…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/today-i-accidentally-stepped-on-a-snail-on-the-sidewalk-in-front-of/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/707/jack-handey-829_bags_today-i-accidentally-stepped-on-a-snail_1294961.jpg) > [Why is it that we will laugh at a man in a clown outfit, but we won't laugh at a man just…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/why-is-it-that-we-will-laugh-at-a-man-in-a-clown-outfit-but-we-won-t/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2b8/jack-handey-829_bags_why-is-it-that-we-will-laugh-at-a-man-in_2112665.jpg) ## Other authors on Bags ## More by Jack Handey > [Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/sometimes-life-seems-like-a-dream-especially-when-i-look-down-and-see/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [I think the best Thanksgiving we ever had was one where we didn't even have a turkey. Mom and Dad sat us kids down…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/i-think-the-best-thanksgiving-we-ever-had-was-one-where-we-didn-t/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/at-first-i-thought-if-i-were-superman-a-perfect-secret-identity-would/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [Sometimes I wonder if I'm patriotic enough. Yes, I want to kill people, but on both sides.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/sometimes-i-wonder-if-i-m-patriotic-enough-yes-i-want-to-kill-people/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [I don't understand people who say life is a mystery, because what is it they want to know?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/i-don-t-understand-people-who-say-life-is-a-mystery-because-what-is/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking to the president, because what if he tells a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/it-s-probably-not-a-good-idea-to-be-chewing-on-a-toothpick-if-you-re/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [Probably to a shark, about the funniest thing there is is a wounded seal, trying to swim to shore, because WHERE DOES HE THINK…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/probably-to-a-shark-about-the-funniest-thing-there-is-is-a-wounded/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [I wish I lived back in the Old West days, because I'd save up my money for about twenty years so I could buy…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/i-wish-i-lived-back-in-the-old-west-days-because-i-d-save-up-my-money/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [Why do there have to be rules for everything? It's gotten to the point that rules dominate just about every aspect of our lives.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/why-do-there-have-to-be-rules-for-everything-it-s-gotten-to-the-point/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/most-people-don-t-realize-that-large-pieces-of-coral-which-have-been/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [Here's a suggestion for a new animal, if some new ones get created or evolve: something that stings you, then laughs at you.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/here-s-a-suggestion-for-a-new-animal-if-some-new-ones-get-created-or/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [When you go ice-skating, try not to swing your arms too much, because that really annoys me.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/when-you-go-ice-skating-try-not-to-swing-your-arms-too-much-because/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [When you go to a party at somebody's house, don't automatically assume that the drinks are free. Ask, and ask often.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/when-you-go-to-a-party-at-somebody-s-house-don-t-automatically-assume/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [He was a cowboy, mister, and he loved the land. He loved it so much he made a woman out of dirt and married…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/he-was-a-cowboy-mister-and-he-loved-the-land-he-loved-it-so-much-he/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [If you were a gladiator in olden days, I bet the inefficiency of how the gladiator fights were organized and scheduled would just drive…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/if-you-were-a-gladiator-in-olden-days-i-bet-the-inefficiency-of-how/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/bags/jack-handey/#itemlist", "name": "5 Bags Quotes By Jack Handey", "numberOfItems": 5, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "If there's ever an amusement park called Bag World, I bet it would really start to annoy you after a while how they really sort of stretch the definition of \"bag.\"", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jack Handey" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/if-there-s-ever-an-amusement-park-called-bag-world-i-bet-it-would/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e6e/jack-handey-829_amusement_if-there-s-ever-an-amusement-park-called_191892.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e6e/jack-handey-829_amusement_if-there-s-ever-an-amusement-park-called_191892.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e6e/jack-handey-829_amusement_if-there-s-ever-an-amusement-park-called_191892.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“If there's ever an amusement park called Bag World, I bet it would really start to annoy you after a while…” — Jack Handey", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "The people in the village were real poor, so none of the children had any toys. 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Just a big bag of blood.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jack Handey" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/you-know-what-s-probably-a-good-thing-to-hang-on-your-porch-in-the/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6a5/jack-handey-829_away-from-you_you-know-what-s-probably-a-good-thing-to_463754.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6a5/jack-handey-829_away-from-you_you-know-what-s-probably-a-good-thing-to_463754.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6a5/jack-handey-829_away-from-you_you-know-what-s-probably-a-good-thing-to_463754.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“You know what's probably a good thing to hang on your porch in the summertime, to keep mosquitoes away from…” — Jack Handey", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Today I accidentally stepped on a snail on the sidewalk in front of our house. 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