--- title: "1 Bad-mothering Quotes By Judith Lewis Herman" description: "1 Bad-mothering quotes by Judith Lewis Herman. Plus more from Judith Lewis Herman and more Bad-mothering sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7b3/judith-lewis-herman-19218_abusive-men_in-some-instances-even-when-crisis-inter_2475290.jpg" --- > [“In some instances, even when crisis intervention has been intensive and appropriate, the mother and daughter are already so deeply estranged at the time of disclosure that the bond between them seems irreparable. In this situation, no useful purpose is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/judith-lewis-herman/in-some-instances-even-when-crisis-intervention-has-been-intensive/) [Judith Lewis Herman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/judith-lewis-herman/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7b3/judith-lewis-herman-19218_abusive-men_in-some-instances-even-when-crisis-inter_2475290.jpg) ## More by Judith Lewis Herman > [“Therapy requires a collaborative working relationship in which both partners act on the basis of their implicit confidence in the value and efficacy of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/judith-lewis-herman/therapy-requires-a-collaborative-working-relationship-in-which-both/) [Judith Lewis Herman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/judith-lewis-herman/) > [“In situations of captivity the perpetrator becomes the most powerful person in the life of the victim, and the psychology of the victim is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/judith-lewis-herman/in-situations-of-captivity-the-perpetrator-becomes-the-most-powerful/) [Judith Lewis Herman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/judith-lewis-herman/) > [Many abused children cling to the hope that growing up will bring escape and freedom. But the personality formed in an environment of coercive…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/judith-lewis-herman/many-abused-children-cling-to-the-hope-that-growing-up-will-bring/) [Judith Lewis Herman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/judith-lewis-herman/) > [The guarantee of safety in a battering relationship can never be based upon a promise from the perpetrator, no matter how heartfelt. Rather, it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/judith-lewis-herman/the-guarantee-of-safety-in-a-battering-relationship-can-never-be/) [Judith Lewis Herman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/judith-lewis-herman/) > [“Psychological trauma is an affliction of the powerless. At the moment of trauma, the victim is rendered helpless by overwhelming force. When the force…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/judith-lewis-herman/psychological-trauma-is-an-affliction-of-the-powerless-at-the-moment/) [Judith Lewis Herman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/judith-lewis-herman/) > [“The vast majority of incest begins years before the earliest conceivable age of consent. p4”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/judith-lewis-herman/the-vast-majority-of-incest-begins-years-before-the-earliest/) [Judith Lewis Herman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/judith-lewis-herman/) > [The ordinary response to atrocities is to banish them from consciousness. Certain violations of the social compact are too terrible to utter aloud: this…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/judith-lewis-herman/the-ordinary-response-to-atrocities-is-to-banish-them-from/) [Judith Lewis Herman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/judith-lewis-herman/) > [“The study of psychological trauma has repeatedly led into realms of the unthinkable and foundered on fundamental questions of belief.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/judith-lewis-herman/the-study-of-psychological-trauma-has-repeatedly-led-into-realms-of/) [Judith Lewis Herman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/judith-lewis-herman/) > [After a traumatic experience, the human system of self-preservation seems to go onto permanent alert, as if the danger might return at any moment.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/judith-lewis-herman/after-a-traumatic-experience-the-human-system-of-self-preservation/) [Judith Lewis Herman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/judith-lewis-herman/) > [“The horror of incest is not in the sexual act. but in the exploitation of children and the corruption of parental love. p4”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/judith-lewis-herman/the-horror-of-incest-is-not-in-the-sexual-act-but-in-the-exploitation/) [Judith Lewis Herman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/judith-lewis-herman/) > [“Underlying the attack on psychotherapy, I believe, is a recognition of the potential power of any relationship of witnessing. The consulting room is a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/judith-lewis-herman/underlying-the-attack-on-psychotherapy-i-believe-is-a-recognition-of/) [Judith Lewis Herman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/judith-lewis-herman/) > [“when traumatic events are of human design, those who bear witness are caught in the conflict between victim and perpetrator. All the perpetrator asks…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/judith-lewis-herman/when-traumatic-events-are-of-human-design-those-who-bear-witness-are/) [Judith Lewis Herman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/judith-lewis-herman/) > [... in practice the standard for what constitutes rape is set not at the level of women's experience of violation but just above the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/judith-lewis-herman/in-practice-the-standard-for-what-constitutes-rape-is-set-not-at-the/) [Judith Lewis Herman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/judith-lewis-herman/) > [“In this climate of profoundly disrupted relationships the child faces a formidable developmental task. She must find a way to form primary attachments to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/judith-lewis-herman/in-this-climate-of-profoundly-disrupted-relationships-the-child-faces/) [Judith Lewis Herman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/judith-lewis-herman/) > [“Father-daughter incest is not only the type of incest most frequently reported but also represents a paradigm of female sexual victimization. The relationship between…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/judith-lewis-herman/father-daughter-incest-is-not-only-the-type-of-incest-most-frequently/) [Judith Lewis Herman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/judith-lewis-herman/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/bad-mothering/judith-lewis-herman/#itemlist", "name": "1 Bad-mothering Quotes By Judith Lewis Herman", "numberOfItems": 1, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“In some instances, even when crisis intervention has been intensive and appropriate, the mother and daughter are already so deeply estranged at the time of disclosure that the bond between them seems irreparable. In this situation, no useful purpose is served by trying to separate the mother and father and keep the daughter at home. The daughter has already been emotionally expelled from her family; removing her to protective custody is simply the concrete expression of the family reality. These are the cases which many agencies call their “tragedies.” This report of a child protective worker illustrates a case where removing the child from the home was the only reasonable course of action: Division of Family and Children’s Services received an anonymous telephone call on Sept. 14 from a man who stated that he overheard Tracy W., age 8, of [address] tell his daughter of a forced oral-genital assault, allegedly perpetrated against this child by her mother’s boyfriend, one Raymond S. Two workers visited the W. home on Sept. 17. According to their report, Mrs. W. was heavily under the influence of alcohol at the time of the visit. Mrs. W. stated immediately that she was aware why the two workers wanted to see her, because Mr. S. had “hurt her little girl.” In the course of the interview, Mrs. W. acknowledged and described how Mr. S. had forced Tracy to have relations with him. Workers then interviewed Tracy and she verified what mother had stated. According to Mrs. W., Mr. S. admitted the sexual assault, claiming that he was drunk and not accountable for his actions. Mother then stated to workers that she banished Mr. S. from her home. I had my first contact with mother and child at their home on Sept. 20 and I subsequently saw this family once a week. Mother was usually intoxicated and drinking beer when I saw her. I met Mr. S. on my second visit. Mr. S. denied having had any sexual relations with Tracy. Mother explained that she had obtained a license and planned to marry Mr. S. On my third visit, Mrs. W. was again intoxicated and drinking despite my previous request that she not drink during my visit. Mother explained that Mr. S. had taken off to another state and she never wanted to see him again. On this visit mother demanded that Tracy tell me the details of her sexual involvement with Mr. S. On my fourth visit, Mr. S. and Mrs. S. were present. Mother explained that they had been married the previous Saturday. On my fifth visit, Mr. S. was not present. During our discussion, mother commented that “Bay was not the first one who had Tracy.” After exploring this statement with mother and Tracy, it became clear that Tracy had been sexually exploited in the same manner at age six by another of Mrs. S.'s previous boyfriends. On my sixth visit, Mrs. S. stated that she could accept Tracy’s being placed with another family as long as it did not appear to Tracy that it was her mother’s decision to give her up. Mother also commented, “I wish the fuck I never had her.” It appears that Mrs. S. has had a number of other children all of whom have lived with other relatives or were in foster care for part of their lives. 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