---
title: "238 Assholes Quotes by 183 authors"
description: "Browse 238 Assholes quotes by 183 authors. Discover the best Assholes sayings and thoughts."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/082/charles-bukowski-73_assholes_what-s-wrong-with-assholes-baby-2790254_2790254.jpg"
---

> [What's wrong with assholes, baby?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charles-bukowski/what-s-wrong-with-assholes-baby/)

[Charles Bukowski](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charles-bukowski/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/082/charles-bukowski-73_assholes_what-s-wrong-with-assholes-baby-2790254_2790254.jpg)

> [Playing the assholes in the movie is fun.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/will-arnett/playing-the-assholes-in-the-movie-is-fun/)

[Will Arnett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/will-arnett/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/de9/will-arnett-8059_assholes_playing-the-assholes-in-the-movie-is-fun_2705128.jpg)

> [“He was a life raft in a sea of assholes.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anna-jarzab/he-was-a-life-raft-in-a-sea-of-assholes/)

[Anna Jarzab](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anna-jarzab/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2be/anna-jarzab-31002_life_he-was-a-life-raft-in-a-sea-of-assholes_1064699.jpg)

> [I dunno Lloyd, the French are assholes.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harry-dunn/i-dunno-lloyd-the-french-are-assholes/)

Harry Dunn

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/036/harry-dunn-86273_assholes_i-dunno-lloyd-the-french-are-assholes-42_423962.jpg)

> [“All men are assholes.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lisa-sanchez/all-men-are-assholes/)

[Lisa Sanchez](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lisa-sanchez/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/649/lisa-sanchez-48412_assholes_all-men-are-assholes-61218_61218.jpg)

> [Coyotes hunt in packs, and so do assholes.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ellen-hopkins/coyotes-hunt-in-packs-and-so-do-assholes/)

[Ellen Hopkins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ellen-hopkins/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a37/ellen-hopkins-475_assholes_coyotes-hunt-in-packs-and-so-do-assholes_2193595.png)

> [I knew it... I'm surrounded by assholes!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mel-brooks/i-knew-it-i-m-surrounded-by-assholes/)

[Mel Brooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mel-brooks/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f84/mel-brooks-2308_assholes_i-knew-it-i-m-surrounded-by-assholes-235_235996.png)

> [Only assholes write plays about Nazis.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-lindsay-abaire/only-assholes-write-plays-about-nazis/)

[David Lindsay-Abaire](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-lindsay-abaire/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f68/david-lindsay-abaire-26640_nazi_only-assholes-write-plays-about-nazis-13_1334586.jpg)

> [Fucking assholes. Do it every time man, every time man. Every time they do it to me.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dmx/fucking-assholes-do-it-every-time-man-every-time-man-every-time-they/)

[Dmx](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dmx/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/954/dmx-3054_assholes_fucking-assholes-do-it-every-time-man-ev_2348075.png)

> [“Opinions are like assholes, everbody's got one.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harry-callahan/opinions-are-like-assholes-everbody-s-got-one/)

[Harry Callahan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harry-callahan/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/068/harry-callahan-18095_assholes_opinions-are-like-assholes-everbody-s-go_2157961.png)

> [Today, be the change you wish to see in the twitter. Block the assholes.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/green-monk/today-be-the-change-you-wish-to-see-in-the-twitter-block-the-assholes/)

[Green Monk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/green-monk/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0b5/green-monk-388_change_today-be-the-change-you-wish-to-see-in-t_1582559.jpg)

> [“There are assholes among us, good people, try not to step in their shit...it's deep”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emma-paul/there-are-assholes-among-us-good-people-try-not-to-step-in-their-shit/)

[Emma Paul](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emma-paul/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cc9/emma-paul-30682_good-people_there-are-assholes-among-us-good-people_1230542.jpg)

> [“Learn to tell assholes that they're assholes.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jamie-holt-sherfy/learn-to-tell-assholes-that-they-re-assholes/)

Jamie Holt Sherfy

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/838/jamie-holt-sherfy-85297_abuse_learn-to-tell-assholes-that-they-re-assh_2118491.jpg)

> [I don't care what you cover the seats with as long as you cover them with assholes.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eddie-rickenbacker/i-don-t-care-what-you-cover-the-seats-with-as-long-as-you-cover-them/)

[Eddie Rickenbacker](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eddie-rickenbacker/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/82f/eddie-rickenbacker-13948_airline_i-don-t-care-what-you-cover-the-seats-wi_2239451.png)

> [The reason actors are assholes is because they don't eat.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/aya-cash/the-reason-actors-are-assholes-is-because-they-don-t-eat/)

[Aya Cash](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/aya-cash/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4fd/aya-cash-16433_actors_the-reason-actors-are-assholes-is-becaus_1981031.jpg)

> [Love spending time with family no matter how big of assholes they are to me.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/love-spending-time-with-family-no-matter-how-big-of-assholes-they-are/)

[Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5de/anonymous-1_family_love-spending-time-with-family-no-matter_1125778.jpg)

> [“99% of the people you will meet are nice reasonable people and unfortunately 1% are assholes . . . the trick is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-kolenda/99-of-the-people-you-will-meet-are-nice-reasonable-people-and/)

[Kevin Kolenda](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kevin-kolenda/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a44/kevin-kolenda-52642_1_99-of-the-people-you-will-meet-are-nice_1895226.jpg)

> [“Your friends’ parents drive like assholes. Tell them it’s an elementary school parking lot, not downtown fucking Manhattan.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/justin-halpern/your-friends-parents-drive-like-assholes-tell-them-it-s-an-elementary/)

[Justin Halpern](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/justin-halpern/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3a8/justin-halpern-4029_assholes_your-friends-parents-drive-like-assholes_1257218.png)

> [I don't mind crying babies, old people or anyone else on airplanes except the assholes that are annoyed by all of the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/i-don-t-mind-crying-babies-old-people-or-anyone-else-on-airplanes/)

[Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/34f/anonymous-1_airplanes_i-don-t-mind-crying-babies-old-people-or_2567831.jpg)

> [“Can’t expect everyone to be on the same page. We’re still humans after all. Some percentage of us are always going to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-s-a-corey/can-t-expect-everyone-to-be-on-the-same-page-we-re-still-humans-after/)

[James S.A. Corey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-s-a-corey/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/06f/james-s-a-corey-861_quote_can-t-expect-everyone-to-be-on-the-same_1337230.jpg)

> [“There's nothing wrong with you, there are just more assholes in this world than good people.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/travis-simmons/there-s-nothing-wrong-with-you-there-are-just-more-assholes-in-this/)

[Travis Simmons](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/travis-simmons/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/839/travis-simmons-54356_good-people_there-s-nothing-wrong-with-you-there-are_2007936.jpg)

> [“Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one." True, but they're not all full of shit.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-spellman/opinions-are-like-assholes-everyone-has-one-true-but-they-re-not-all/)

[Brian Spellman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brian-spellman/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b25/brian-spellman-14055_assholes_opinions-are-like-assholes-everyone-has_2903385.jpg)

> [“Bosses are like assholes—everybody’s got one. Well, everyone except the unemployed. But still, bosses are like assholes, in that they are assholes. ”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/bosses-are-like-assholes-everybody-s-got-one-well-everyone-except-the/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c67/jarod-kintz-2_assholes_bosses-are-like-assholes-everybody-s-got_300273.jpg)

> [In all my years here, I don't think I've ever seen quite so many assholes gathered in one place!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/the-undertaker/in-all-my-years-here-i-don-t-think-i-ve-ever-seen-quite-so-many/)

[The Undertaker](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/the-undertaker/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/06d/the-undertaker-7992_thinking_in-all-my-years-here-i-don-t-think-i-ve_1511490.jpg)

> [If he can't except me smoking weed and drinking then I gotta drop his ass. Im'a do me no matter what! My…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/victor-reyes/if-he-can-t-except-me-smoking-weed-and-drinking-then-i-gotta-drop-his/)

[Victor Reyes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/victor-reyes/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b47/victor-reyes-49816_assholes_if-he-can-t-except-me-smoking-weed-and-d_2514045.jpg)

> [“You hear this kind of thing, rednecks and their guys and--" "Don't call them that," I say. "They're just assholes. Most people…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charles-de-lint/you-hear-this-kind-of-thing-rednecks-and-their-guys-and-don-t-call/)

[Charles de Lint](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charles-de-lint/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b6c/charles-de-lint-1481_assholes_you-hear-this-kind-of-thing-rednecks-and_160261.jpg)

> [“Sorry Raphael. My friends are complete, fucking….” He looked up. I tried to jerk back inside, but it was too late. Cam…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-lynn/sorry-raphael-my-friends-are-complete-fucking-he-looked-up-i-tried-to/)

[J. Lynn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-lynn/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/93a/j-lynn-1047_friendship_sorry-raphael-my-friends-are-complete-fu_1157779.jpg)

> [When fucking assholes flirt even though they have gfs fucking get a life you douchebag I swear hurt my girl ill hunt…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/talyiah/when-fucking-assholes-flirt-even-though-they-have-gfs-fucking-get-a/)

[Talyiah](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/talyiah/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/57c/talyiah-1573_life_when-fucking-assholes-flirt-even-though_1516985.jpg)

> [“Aunt Mari says that the assholes in our lives are our biggest blessings." "How so?" "Without them, we'd take the ones who…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sherrilyn-kenyon/aunt-mari-says-that-the-assholes-in-our-lives-are-our-biggest/)

[Sherrilyn Kenyon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sherrilyn-kenyon/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/146/sherrilyn-kenyon-25_love-u_aunt-mari-says-that-the-assholes-in-our_858045.jpg)

> [“After girls we talked about the officers, and which ones hated us most that week, and how we never did anything to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lisa-henry/after-girls-we-talked-about-the-officers-and-which-ones-hated-us-most/)

[Lisa Henry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lisa-henry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/910/lisa-henry-8958_assholes_after-girls-we-talked-about-the-officers_587903.jpg)

> [“I cut off his fingers to get him to talk, and when he'd confessed everything I wanted to hear, I had his…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/scott-lynch/i-cut-off-his-fingers-to-get-him-to-talk-and-when-he-d-confessed/)

[Scott Lynch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/scott-lynch/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ef2/scott-lynch-1437_assholes_i-cut-off-his-fingers-to-get-him-to-talk_1424228.png)

> [I’ve made my life’s work spotting assholes. And you know, I think it’s harder now than ever before because there’s so many…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/merrill-markoe/i-ve-made-my-life-s-work-spotting-assholes-and-you-know-i-think-it-s/)

[Merrill Markoe](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/merrill-markoe/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cd0/merrill-markoe-11235_acceptable_i-ve-made-my-life-s-work-spotting-asshol_550884.jpg)

> [“Even the most blatant assholes seemed to function in a state of grace when confronted with the brutal loss of a loved…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chelsea-cain/even-the-most-blatant-assholes-seemed-to-function-in-a-state-of-grace/)

[Chelsea Cain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chelsea-cain/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7ea/chelsea-cain-7895_assholes_even-the-most-blatant-assholes-seemed-to_842732.jpg)

> [“And my own affairs were as bad, as dismal, as the day I had been born. The only difference was that now…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charles-bukowski/and-my-own-affairs-were-as-bad-as-dismal-as-the-day-i-had-been-born/)

[Charles Bukowski](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charles-bukowski/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/015/charles-bukowski-73_assholes_and-my-own-affairs-were-as-bad-as-dismal_2976334.jpg)

> [“Our theory is simply this: a person counts as an asshole when, and only when, he systematically allows himself to enjoy special…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/aaron-james/our-theory-is-simply-this-a-person-counts-as-an-asshole-when-and-only/)

[Aaron James](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/aaron-james/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d38/aaron-james-28681_sense-of-entitlement_our-theory-is-simply-this-a-person-count_2221096.jpg)

> [“How did you get my number anyway?” “Some asshole named Nash.” “Asshole?” “Yeah, asshole. Don’t tell me you don’t think he’s an…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-leighton/how-did-you-get-my-number-anyway-some-asshole-named-nash-asshole-yeah/)

[M. Leighton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-leighton/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ad8/m-leighton-786_assholes_how-did-you-get-my-number-anyway-some-as_3088148.jpg)

> [“These country chicks, I’m not even kidding you, they’re fucking hard-core. They’ll kill your ass and make it look like an accident.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kele-moon/these-country-chicks-i-m-not-even-kidding-you-they-re-fucking-hard/)

[Kele Moon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kele-moon/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2d7/kele-moon-10268_lake_these-country-chicks-i-m-not-even-kiddin_2254115.jpg)

> [Most of the actors that I've had the pleasure to work with are very easy to get along with. And whether they're…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-gordon/most-of-the-actors-that-i-ve-had-the-pleasure-to-work-with-are-very/)

[Mark Gordon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-gordon/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4e6/mark-gordon-51633_actor_most-of-the-actors-that-i-ve-had-the-ple_3141391.jpg)

> [“R.O.TC. kept me away from sports while the other guys practiced every day. They made the school teams, won their letters and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charles-bukowski/r-o-tc-kept-me-away-from-sports-while-the-other-guys-practiced-every/)

[Charles Bukowski](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charles-bukowski/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/110/charles-bukowski-73_blue-and-white_r-o-tc-kept-me-away-from-sports-while-th_1092256.jpg)

> [“1. Never forget--"they" are always the enemy. 2. Just remember, assholes are born that way, and they usually don't change. 3. You…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jimmy-buffett/1-never-forget-they-are-always-the-enemy-2-just-remember-assholes-are/)

[Jimmy Buffett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jimmy-buffett/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c49/jimmy-buffett-1774_quote_1-never-forget-they-are-always-the-enemy_735591.jpg)

## Top authors on Assholes

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                        "text": "I knew it... I'm surrounded by assholes!",
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                        "text": "Only assholes write plays about Nazis.",
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                        "text": "Fucking assholes. Do it every time man, every time man. Every time they do it to me.",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "“Opinions are like assholes, everbody's got one.”",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "Today, be the change you wish to see in the twitter. Block the assholes.",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "“There are assholes among us, good people, try not to step in their shit...it's deep”",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "“Learn to tell assholes that they're assholes.”",
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                            "name": "Jamie Holt Sherfy"
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "I don't care what you cover the seats with as long as you cover them with assholes.",
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                            "name": "Eddie Rickenbacker"
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "The reason actors are assholes is because they don't eat.",
                        "creator": {
                            "@type": "Person",
                            "name": "Aya Cash"
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "Love spending time with family no matter how big of assholes they are to me.",
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                            "@type": "Person",
                            "name": "Anonymous"
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "“99% of the people you will meet are nice reasonable people and unfortunately 1% are assholes . . . the trick is . . . is to not spend 99% of your time on the 1%”",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "“Your friends’ parents drive like assholes. Tell them it’s an elementary school parking lot, not downtown fucking Manhattan.”",
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                            "name": "Justin Halpern"
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                        "text": "I don't mind crying babies, old people or anyone else on airplanes except the assholes that are annoyed by all of the above.",
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                        "text": "“Can’t expect everyone to be on the same page. We’re still humans after all. Some percentage of us are always going to be assholes.”",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "“There's nothing wrong with you, there are just more assholes in this world than good people.”",
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                        "text": "“Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one.\" True, but they're not all full of shit.”",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "“Bosses are like assholes—everybody’s got one. Well, everyone except the unemployed. But still, bosses are like assholes, in that they are assholes.\u2028”",
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                        "text": "In all my years here, I don't think I've ever seen quite so many assholes gathered in one place!",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "If he can't except me smoking weed and drinking then I gotta drop his ass. Im'a do me no matter what! My blunts come first. Yolo! Yea if you don't want a guy that's going to help you to do better in life, then yea you deserve the assholes who will hurt you. Real Talk",
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                            "name": "Victor Reyes"
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                        "text": "“You hear this kind of thing, rednecks and their guys and--\" \"Don't call them that,\" I say. \"They're just assholes. Most people you run into around here...well, maybe they won't like the length of your hair, but they'll keep their feelings to themselves.”",
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                            "caption": "“You hear this kind of thing, rednecks and their guys and--\" \"Don't call them that,\" I say. \"They're just…” — Charles de Lint",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "“Sorry Raphael. My friends are complete, fucking….” He looked up. I tried to jerk back inside, but it was too late. Cam saw me. “Assholes…” He did a double take. “What the…?” Would dive bombing into my apartment seem weird? Yes—yes it would. So I went with a very lame, “Hey…”",
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                            "caption": "“Sorry Raphael. My friends are complete, fucking….” He looked up. I tried to jerk back inside, but it was too…” — J. Lynn",
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                        "text": "When fucking assholes flirt even though they have gfs fucking get a life you douchebag I swear hurt my girl ill hunt you down and kill yo ass no lie find it funny how you act all normal when shes on then boom when shes not on you flirt like what the fuck you dont deserve my girl",
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                            "caption": "“When fucking assholes flirt even though they have gfs fucking get a life you douchebag I swear hurt my girl…” — Talyiah",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "“Aunt Mari says that the assholes in our lives are our biggest blessings.\" \"How so?\" \"Without them, we'd take the ones who aren't for granted. Assholes give us needed perspective to appreciate the people who really love us.”",
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                            "caption": "“Aunt Mari says that the assholes in our lives are our biggest blessings.\" \"How so?\" \"Without them, we'd take…” — Sherrilyn Kenyon",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "“After girls we talked about the officers, and which ones hated us most that week, and how we never did anything to deserve it, and they were just assholes, and if they didn’t have those stripes on their shoulders, they wouldn’t be so tough. Man-to-man we could take them. That was all talk too, I guess.”",
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                            "@type": "Person",
                            "name": "Lisa Henry"
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                            "caption": "“After girls we talked about the officers, and which ones hated us most that week, and how we never did…” — Lisa Henry",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "“I cut off his fingers to get him to talk, and when he'd confessed everything I wanted to hear, I had his fucking tongue cut out, and the stump cauterized.\" Everyone in the room stared at him. \"I called him an asshole, too,\" said Locke. \"He didn't like that.”",
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                            "@type": "Person",
                            "name": "Scott Lynch"
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                            "caption": "“I cut off his fingers to get him to talk, and when he'd confessed everything I wanted to hear, I had his…” — Scott Lynch",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "I’ve made my life’s work spotting assholes. And you know, I think it’s harder now than ever before because there’s so many socially acceptable ways to exhibit a pathological lack of empathy.",
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                            "name": "Merrill Markoe"
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                            "caption": "“I’ve made my life’s work spotting assholes. And you know, I think it’s harder now than ever before because…” — Merrill Markoe",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "“Even the most blatant assholes seemed to function in a state of grace when confronted with the brutal loss of a loved one. They moved through the world differently than other people. When they looked at you, you had the feeling that they were really seeing you. Their entire universe was just this one thing, this one event, this one loss. They seemed, for a few weeks, to have things in perspective. Then the inconsequential shit of their lives would start to seep back in.”",
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                            "@type": "Person",
                            "name": "Chelsea Cain"
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "“And my own affairs were as bad, as dismal, as the day I had been born. The only difference was that now I could drink now and then, though never often enough. Drink was the only thing that kept a man from feeling forever stunned and useless. Everything else just kept picking and picking, hacking away. And nothing was interesting, nothing. The people were restrictive and careful, all alike. And I've got to live with these fuckers for the rest of my life, I thought. God, they all had assholes and sexual organs and their mouths and their armpits. They shit and they chattered and they were dull as horse dung. The girls looked good from a distance, the sun shining through their dresses, their hair. But get up close and listen to their minds running out of their mouths, you felt like digging in under a hill and hiding out with a tommy-gun. I would certainly never be able to be happy, to get married, I could never have children. Hell, I couldn't even get a job as a dishwasher.”",
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                            "caption": "“And my own affairs were as bad, as dismal, as the day I had been born. The only difference was that now I…” — Charles Bukowski",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "“Our theory is simply this: a person counts as an asshole when, and only when, he systematically allows himself to enjoy special advantages in interpersonal relations out of an entrenched sense of entitlement that immunizes him against the complaints of other people. (Because assholes are by and large men, we use the masculine pronoun “he” advisedly. We will suggest that women can be assholes as well. For the time being, think of Ann Coulter.”",
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                            "caption": "“Our theory is simply this: a person counts as an asshole when, and only when, he systematically allows…” — Aaron James",
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                        "text": "“How did you get my number anyway?” “Some asshole named Nash.” “Asshole?” “Yeah, asshole. Don’t tell me you don’t think he’s an asshole!” I laugh uncomfortably. “Um, no I don’t think he’s an asshole. He’s always been nice to me.” asshole. He’s always been nice to me.” “Of course he has. You’re gorgeous. What man wouldn’t be nice to you?” “Plenty.” “Assholes, all of them,” he teases. “They’re assholes, too?” “Yep.” “Is everyone an asshole today?” “Yep,” he repeats. “Word of the day toilet paper.” I laugh, genuinely this time. “Is that right?”",
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                        "text": "“These country chicks, I’m not even kidding you, they’re fucking hard-core. They’ll kill your ass and make it look like an accident. You drag the lakes around here and I promise you, there’s dumb assholes who tried to get laid by the wrong chicks floating at the bottom of it—concrete boots—and I think your girlfriend’s distributing them. Sadistic bitch.”",
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                        "text": "Most of the actors that I've had the pleasure to work with are very easy to get along with. And whether they're getting paid or not getting paid doesn't necessarily make a difference. Most people are easy to work with and easy to get along with, but we mostly hear about the assholes who are really a pain in the ass, and we've all had our share of working with them.",
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                        "text": "“R.O.TC. kept me away from sports while the other guys practiced every day. They made the school teams, won their letters and got the girls. My days were spent mostly marching around in the sun. All you ever saw were the backs of some guy's ears and his buttocks. I quickly became disenchanted with military proceedings. The others shined their shoes brightly and seemed to go through maneuvers with relish. I couldn't see any sense in it. They were just getting shaped up in order to get their balls blown off later. On the other hand, I couldn't see myself crouched down in a football helmet, shoulder pads laced on, decked out in Blue and White, #69, trying to move out some brute with tacos on his breath so that the son of the district attorney could slant off left tackle for six yards. The problem was you had to keep choosing between on evil or another, and no matter what you chose, they sliced a little bit more off you, until there was nothing left. At the age of 25, most people were finished. A whole god-damned nation of assholes driving automobiles, eating, having babies, doing everything in the worst way possible, like voting for the presidential candidate who reminded them most of themselves.”",
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                        "text": "“1. Never forget--\"they\" are always the enemy. 2. Just remember, assholes are born that way, and they usually don't change. 3. You don't want to go to jail. 4. When you start to take this job seriously, you're in trouble. 5. It takes no more time to see the good side of life than it takes to see the bad. 6. If you decide to run the ball, just count on fumbling and getting the shit knocked out of you a lot, but never forget how much fun it is just to be able to run the ball!”",
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