--- title: "9 Asshole Quotes By Jarod Kintz" description: "9 Asshole quotes by Jarod Kintz. Plus more from Jarod Kintz and more Asshole sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4e3/jarod-kintz-2_asshole_nobody-likes-a-dick-except-a-pussy-or-an_2451991.jpg" --- > [“Nobody likes a dick. Except a pussy. Or an asshole. Or a goat’s mouth.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/nobody-likes-a-dick-except-a-pussy-or-an-asshole-or-a-goat-s-mouth/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4e3/jarod-kintz-2_asshole_nobody-likes-a-dick-except-a-pussy-or-an_2451991.jpg) > [“Eat a donut in the face, not its asshole.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/eat-a-donut-in-the-face-not-its-asshole/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6f2/jarod-kintz-2_asshole_eat-a-donut-in-the-face-not-its-asshole_2941668.jpg) > [“Be honest, asshole. Are you a dick magnet?”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/be-honest-asshole-are-you-a-dick-magnet/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0cb/jarod-kintz-2_truth_be-honest-asshole-are-you-a-dick-magnet_1663893.jpg) > [“Thank God I don’t have a triangle-shaped asshole.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/thank-god-i-don-t-have-a-triangle-shaped-asshole/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7a1/jarod-kintz-2_thank-god_thank-god-i-don-t-have-a-triangle-shaped_1677748.jpg) > [“I ought to fire one of my two employees into the other one’s asshole.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/i-ought-to-fire-one-of-my-two-employees-into-the-other-one-s-asshole/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4a0/jarod-kintz-2_asshole_i-ought-to-fire-one-of-my-two-employees_3182234.jpg) > [“My asshole smells like burnt firewood, and I’ve got firemen calling me. But I won’t answer, because my answer is no, they…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/my-asshole-smells-like-burnt-firewood-and-i-ve-got-firemen-calling-me/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a4a/jarod-kintz-2_quote_my-asshole-smells-like-burnt-firewood-an_1603870.jpg) > [“My asshole is supportive of me. No matter what, good or bad, it’s always right there behind me.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/my-asshole-is-supportive-of-me-no-matter-what-good-or-bad-it-s-always/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0ca/jarod-kintz-2_asshole_my-asshole-is-supportive-of-me-no-matter_2963685.jpg) > [“The roof of my mouth is not a good place to put in a new chimney. Put it behind my asshole.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/the-roof-of-my-mouth-is-not-a-good-place-to-put-in-a-new-chimney-put/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f8f/jarod-kintz-2_good-place_the-roof-of-my-mouth-is-not-a-good-place_2031120.jpg) > [“I made you a logo. It’s supposed to represent you as a person, and that’s why it looks like an asshole. I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/i-made-you-a-logo-it-s-supposed-to-represent-you-as-a-person-and-that/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/463/jarod-kintz-2_asshole_i-made-you-a-logo-it-s-supposed-to-repre_195521.jpg) ## Other authors on Asshole ## More by Jarod Kintz > [“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/i-notice-when-you-re-gone-or-do-i-how-can-i-observe-something-that/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) > [“I wouldn’t love you if you were the last Sodomite in Gomorrah.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/i-wouldn-t-love-you-if-you-were-the-last-sodomite-in-gomorrah/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) > [“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/a-blanket-could-be-used-to-make-sweet-sweet-music-with-the-love-of/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) > [“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/a-brick-could-be-used-to-slow-down-time-sort-of-like-a-camel-in-a/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) > [“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/we-have-a-love-so-pure-that-it-makes-snow-seem-yellow-don-t-eat-it/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) > [“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/i-hid-mrs-frozenwater-s-body-in-the-ice-cube-trays-in-my-freezer/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) > [“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/two-similar-words-might-lead-to-two-similar-ideas-they-might-also/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) > [“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/nothing-is-and-isn-t-nothing-is-and-isn-t-nothing-itself-is-and-at/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) > [“Embossed letters represent the topography of typography.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/embossed-letters-represent-the-topography-of-typography/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) > [“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/there-s-only-one-piece-of-clothing-i-could-eat-fast-and-that-s-a-scarf/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) > [“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/dora-j-arod-is-to-jarod-ora-as-yes-is-to-yes-yes-is-also-the-correct/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) > [“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/the-best-part-about-being-kidnapped-is-being-blindfolded-and-getting/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) > [“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/orafoura-once-told-me-that-if-i-were-a-car-i-d-be-a-ferrari-one-that/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) > [“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/what-makes-a-good-leader-i-ask-myself-this-every-day-and-then-as-i/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) > [“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/i-d-like-to-file-a-missing-person-s-report-on-my-clone-it-s-nearly/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/asshole/jarod-kintz/#itemlist", "name": "9 Asshole Quotes By Jarod Kintz", "numberOfItems": 9, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Nobody likes a dick. Except a pussy. Or an asshole. 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