--- title: "1 American express Quotes By Milton Berle" description: "1 American express quotes by Milton Berle. Plus more from Milton Berle and more American express sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3f1/milton-berle-3246_american-express_all-my-wife-wanted-for-valentine-s-day-w_3191597.png" --- > [All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/milton-berle/all-my-wife-wanted-for-valentine-s-day-was-a-little-card-american/) [Milton Berle](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/milton-berle/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3f1/milton-berle-3246_american-express_all-my-wife-wanted-for-valentine-s-day-w_3191597.png) ## More by Milton Berle > [A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/milton-berle/a-man-falls-down-a-flight-of-stairs-and-somebody-rushes-over-to-him/) [Milton Berle](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/milton-berle/) > [Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/milton-berle/anytime-a-person-goes-into-a-delicatessen-and-orders-a-pastrami-on/) [Milton Berle](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/milton-berle/) > [Like every comedian, if I heard a joke that I thought would work, I used it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/milton-berle/like-every-comedian-if-i-heard-a-joke-that-i-thought-would-work-i/) [Milton Berle](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/milton-berle/) > [My sister-in-law found a real surprise in her stockings - my brother.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/milton-berle/my-sister-in-law-found-a-real-surprise-in-her-stockings-my-brother/) [Milton Berle](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/milton-berle/) > [When I was in school, one of my teachers was crazy about me. I once heard her tell another teacher, "I wish he was…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/milton-berle/when-i-was-in-school-one-of-my-teachers-was-crazy-about-me-i-once/) [Milton Berle](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/milton-berle/) > [I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/milton-berle/i-d-rather-be-a-could-be-if-i-cannot-be-an-are-because-a-could-be-is/) [Milton Berle](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/milton-berle/) > [Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/milton-berle/every-year-my-boss-used-to-give-me-a-bottle-of-expensive-brandy/) [Milton Berle](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/milton-berle/) > [The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/milton-berle/the-problem-with-life-is-by-the-time-you-can-read-women-like-a-book/) [Milton Berle](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/milton-berle/) > [If you hire relatives, you'll have a payroll that won't quit.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/milton-berle/if-you-hire-relatives-you-ll-have-a-payroll-that-won-t-quit/) [Milton Berle](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/milton-berle/) > [It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/milton-berle/it-s-amazing-how-fast-later-comes-when-you-buy-now/) [Milton Berle](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/milton-berle/) > [I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/milton-berle/i-don-t-mind-personal-insults-but-when-you-insult-the-jokes-that-i/) [Milton Berle](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/milton-berle/) > [I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/milton-berle/i-like-to-think-of-myself-as-the-middleman-between-fred-allen-and/) [Milton Berle](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/milton-berle/) > [What an orchestra! They just sit there, but their minds are thousands of miles away with their bookies.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/milton-berle/what-an-orchestra-they-just-sit-there-but-their-minds-are-thousands/) [Milton Berle](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/milton-berle/) > [My son gave me a nice bottle of cologne - Eau de Owe.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/milton-berle/my-son-gave-me-a-nice-bottle-of-cologne-eau-de-owe/) [Milton Berle](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/milton-berle/) > [I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, "It doesn't…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/milton-berle/i-was-in-a-department-store-and-i-saw-a-weird-looking-gadget-i-asked/) [Milton Berle](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/milton-berle/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/american-express/milton-berle/#itemlist", "name": "1 American express Quotes By Milton Berle", "numberOfItems": 1, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Milton Berle" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/milton-berle/all-my-wife-wanted-for-valentine-s-day-was-a-little-card-american/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3f1/milton-berle-3246_american-express_all-my-wife-wanted-for-valentine-s-day-w_3191597.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3f1/milton-berle-3246_american-express_all-my-wife-wanted-for-valentine-s-day-w_3191597.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3f1/milton-berle-3246_american-express_all-my-wife-wanted-for-valentine-s-day-w_3191597.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.” — Milton Berle", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } } ] }, { "@type": "CollectionPage", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/american-express/milton-berle/#webpage", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/american-express/milton-berle/", "name": "American express Quotes by Milton Berle", "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "mainEntity": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/american-express/milton-berle/#itemlist" }, "primaryImageOfPage": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3f1/milton-berle-3246_american-express_all-my-wife-wanted-for-valentine-s-day-w_3191597.png" }, "description": "1 American express quotes by Milton Berle. 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