--- title: "1 Alpha-males Quotes By Kevin Hearne" description: "1 Alpha-males quotes by Kevin Hearne. Plus more from Kevin Hearne and more Alpha-males sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b03/kevin-hearne-991_alpha-males_vestigial-remnants-of-hunter-behavior-ma_521045.jpg" --- > [“Vestigial remnants of hunter behavior manifests itself as douchebaggery in males when confronted with the emasculating role of modern man, where they are no longer expected to provide food, shelter, or even spiritual guidance for their families but rather stay…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-hearne/vestigial-remnants-of-hunter-behavior-manifests-itself-as/) [Kevin Hearne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kevin-hearne/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b03/kevin-hearne-991_alpha-males_vestigial-remnants-of-hunter-behavior-ma_521045.jpg) ## Other authors on Alpha-males - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b002/author-madison-thorne-grey-7159.jpg) Madison Thorne Grey 49 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/alpha-males/madison-thorne-grey/) ## More by Kevin Hearne > [Whoa. He had ghouls on speed dial. My lawyer kicks so much ass.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-hearne/whoa-he-had-ghouls-on-speed-dial-my-lawyer-kicks-so-much-ass/) [Kevin Hearne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kevin-hearne/) > [“I bet it’s a universal truth: You eat your pie or go home.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-hearne/i-bet-it-s-a-universal-truth-you-eat-your-pie-or-go-home/) [Kevin Hearne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kevin-hearne/) > [“Like many silly codes of bravery and manliness, the meat of my father’s instruction on how to die well can be distilled to a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-hearne/like-many-silly-codes-of-bravery-and-manliness-the-meat-of-my-father/) [Kevin Hearne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kevin-hearne/) > [Wow you need to get some sun.” “Shut up. I'm Irish.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-hearne/wow-you-need-to-get-some-sun-shut-up-i-m-irish/) [Kevin Hearne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kevin-hearne/) > [“Hence the reason I encourage you to believe what you wish. The heaven of teh Pastafarians is supposed to have beer volcanoes, which sounds…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-hearne/hence-the-reason-i-encourage-you-to-believe-what-you-wish-the-heaven/) [Kevin Hearne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kevin-hearne/) > [Awesome! I'd just bullied Jesus into doing a shot with me. Nobody would ever believe it, but I didn't care. We ordered the insanely…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-hearne/awesome-i-d-just-bullied-jesus-into-doing-a-shot-with-me-nobody-would/) [Kevin Hearne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kevin-hearne/) > [“I thought for the longest time that chicken-fried steak was steak that had been fried by specially trained chickens,”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-hearne/i-thought-for-the-longest-time-that-chicken-fried-steak-was-steak/) [Kevin Hearne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kevin-hearne/) > [When he said to give him the sword, I don’t think he meant for you to stick it in his guts.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-hearne/when-he-said-to-give-him-the-sword-i-don-t-think-he-meant-for-you-to/) [Kevin Hearne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kevin-hearne/) > [“Oh sweet kraken tits.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-hearne/oh-sweet-kraken-tits/) [Kevin Hearne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kevin-hearne/) > [“No. See, when you throw up you're vomiting, but when you throw down you're starting a fight, as in throwing down the gauntlet." "Ohhhh,"…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-hearne/no-see-when-you-throw-up-you-re-vomiting-but-when-you-throw-down-you/) [Kevin Hearne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kevin-hearne/) > [“The grin on his face wasn’t the affable, friendly sort; instead, it was the sociopathic rictus of the irretrievably, bug-fuckeringly insane”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-hearne/the-grin-on-his-face-wasn-t-the-affable-friendly-sort-instead-it-was/) [Kevin Hearne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kevin-hearne/) > [“What sealed the deal for me was that the cloak wouldn't come off without a generous donation of my tears. Those used to be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-hearne/what-sealed-the-deal-for-me-was-that-the-cloak-wouldn-t-come-off/) [Kevin Hearne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kevin-hearne/) > [On a Creep Scale from Hello Kitty to Cthulhu, I award it a Freddy Krueger. Granuaile MacTiernan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-hearne/on-a-creep-scale-from-hello-kitty-to-cthulhu-i-award-it-a-freddy/) [Kevin Hearne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kevin-hearne/) > [“So this means you're spoiling me right?" Can't Help it. You're the best hound ever. Oberon's tail thumped a few times and his mouth…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-hearne/so-this-means-you-re-spoiling-me-right-can-t-help-it-you-re-the-best/) [Kevin Hearne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kevin-hearne/) > [“Out, out, thou strumpet Fortune!" I cried with all the venom of Charlton Heston. Oberon asked. "It's a Shakespearean word for whore." ”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-hearne/out-out-thou-strumpet-fortune-i-cried-with-all-the-venom-of-charlton/) [kevin hearne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kevin-hearne/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/alpha-males/kevin-hearne/#itemlist", "name": "1 Alpha-males Quotes By Kevin Hearne", "numberOfItems": 1, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Vestigial remnants of hunter behavior manifests itself as douchebaggery in males when confronted with the emasculating role of modern man, where they are no longer expected to provide food, shelter, or even spiritual guidance for their families but rather stay out of the way until it’s time to perform in the bedroom.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Kevin Hearne" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-hearne/vestigial-remnants-of-hunter-behavior-manifests-itself-as/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b03/kevin-hearne-991_alpha-males_vestigial-remnants-of-hunter-behavior-ma_521045.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b03/kevin-hearne-991_alpha-males_vestigial-remnants-of-hunter-behavior-ma_521045.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b03/kevin-hearne-991_alpha-males_vestigial-remnants-of-hunter-behavior-ma_521045.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Vestigial remnants of hunter behavior manifests itself as douchebaggery in males when confronted with the…” — Kevin Hearne", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } } ] }, { "@type": "CollectionPage", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/alpha-males/kevin-hearne/#webpage", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/alpha-males/kevin-hearne/", "name": "Alpha-males Quotes by Kevin Hearne", "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "mainEntity": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/alpha-males/kevin-hearne/#itemlist" }, "primaryImageOfPage": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b03/kevin-hearne-991_alpha-males_vestigial-remnants-of-hunter-behavior-ma_521045.jpg" }, "description": "1 Alpha-males quotes by Kevin Hearne. 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