---
title: "21 Airline Quotes By Dave Barry"
description: "21 Airline quotes by Dave Barry. Plus more from Dave Barry and more Airline sayings from other authors."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/170/dave-barry-222_airline_england-manufactures-most-of-the-world-s_939293.png"
---

> [England manufactures most of the world's airline food, as well as all the food you ever ate in your junior-high-school cafeteria.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/england-manufactures-most-of-the-world-s-airline-food-as-well-as-all/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/170/dave-barry-222_airline_england-manufactures-most-of-the-world-s_939293.png)

> [I had arrived at the airport one hour early so that, in accordance with airline procedures, I could stand around.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/i-had-arrived-at-the-airport-one-hour-early-so-that-in-accordance/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3cb/dave-barry-222_air-travel_i-had-arrived-at-the-airport-one-hour-ea_3104983.png)

> [This book is dedicated to Wilbur and Orville Wright, without whom air sickness would still be just a dream.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/this-book-is-dedicated-to-wilbur-and-orville-wright-without-whom-air/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/608/dave-barry-222_air_this-book-is-dedicated-to-wilbur-and-orv_1630408.png)

> [Funny, isn't it? The airlines go to all that trouble to keep you from taking a gun on board, then they just…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/funny-isn-t-it-the-airlines-go-to-all-that-trouble-to-keep-you-from/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5bf/dave-barry-222_air-travel_funny-isn-t-it-the-airlines-go-to-all-th_91072.png)

> [Sailboats are the slowest form of transportation on Earth with the possible exeption of airline flights that go through O'Hare.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/sailboats-are-the-slowest-form-of-transportation-on-earth-with-the/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4aa/dave-barry-222_air-travel_sailboats-are-the-slowest-form-of-transp_467802.png)

> [If the security personnel do their job properly, they just might cause you to miss your plane, thereby possibly saving your life.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/if-the-security-personnel-do-their-job-properly-they-just-might-cause/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4ed/dave-barry-222_air-travel_if-the-security-personnel-do-their-job-p_2918811.png)

> [In modern America, food is abundant everywhere except aboard commercial airplanes.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/in-modern-america-food-is-abundant-everywhere-except-aboard/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/93c/dave-barry-222_air-travel_in-modern-america-food-is-abundant-every_3028143.png)

> [Granted, this system is insane, but we must not let sanity stand in the way of airport security.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/granted-this-system-is-insane-but-we-must-not-let-sanity-stand-in-the/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/792/dave-barry-222_air-travel_granted-this-system-is-insane-but-we-mus_1601956.png)

> [The Russians will never be able to get their missiles thought the dense protective layer of delayed flights circling over the United…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/the-russians-will-never-be-able-to-get-their-missiles-thought-the/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b1b/dave-barry-222_able_the-russians-will-never-be-able-to-get-t_2950695.png)

> [If Charles Lindbergh, flying with no instruments other than a bologna sandwich, managed to cross the Atlantic and land safely on a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/if-charles-lindbergh-flying-with-no-instruments-other-than-a-bologna/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6ac/dave-barry-222_air-travel_if-charles-lindbergh-flying-with-no-inst_2464623.png)

> [The planes are crowded and noisy and late, and everybody hates everybody. If armed terrorists had tried to hijack any of the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/the-planes-are-crowded-and-noisy-and-late-and-everybody-hates/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f6e/dave-barry-222_air-travel_the-planes-are-crowded-and-noisy-and-lat_2483296.jpg)

> [The Hawaiian Islands were discovered by hardy Polynesian sailors, who crossed thousands of miles of open ocean in primitive canoes, braving violent…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/the-hawaiian-islands-were-discovered-by-hardy-polynesian-sailors-who/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9a7/dave-barry-222_air-travel_the-hawaiian-islands-were-discovered-by_1249853.png)

> [You should definitely have a travel agent. Why go through all the hassle of dealing with airlines, hotels, and rental-car agencies yourself,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/you-should-definitely-have-a-travel-agent-why-go-through-all-the/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/aaa/dave-barry-222_agency_you-should-definitely-have-a-travel-agen_161962.png)

> [A hundred years ago, it could take you the better part of a year to get from New York to California; whereas…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/a-hundred-years-ago-it-could-take-you-the-better-part-of-a-year-to/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9bb/dave-barry-222_air-travel_a-hundred-years-ago-it-could-take-you-th_1035999.jpg)

> [It is an inconvenience, being located in a city where taxes are ludicrously high, where you pay twice your annual income to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/it-is-an-inconvenience-being-located-in-a-city-where-taxes-are/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/773/dave-barry-222_airline_it-is-an-inconvenience-being-located-in_652824.jpg)

> [Airline food is not intended for human consumption. It's intended as a form of in-flight entertainment, wherein the object is to guess…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/airline-food-is-not-intended-for-human-consumption-it-s-intended-as-a/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b42/dave-barry-222_air-travel_airline-food-is-not-intended-for-human-c_243820.png)

> [Speaking of food, English cuisine has received a lot of unfair criticism over the years, but the truth is that it can…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/speaking-of-food-english-cuisine-has-received-a-lot-of-unfair/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/488/dave-barry-222_airline_speaking-of-food-english-cuisine-has-rec_2166001.png)

> [This is an especially good time for you vacationers who plan to fly, because the Reagan administration, as part of the same…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/this-is-an-especially-good-time-for-you-vacationers-who-plan-to-fly/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/58e/dave-barry-222_administration_this-is-an-especially-good-time-for-you_2123461.png)

> [Here in the news media, our focus is on speed. When we get hold of some new and possibly inaccurate information, our…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/here-in-the-news-media-our-focus-is-on-speed-when-we-get-hold-of-some/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2be/dave-barry-222_airline_here-in-the-news-media-our-focus-is-on-s_2869809.png)

> [Motto of the U.S. airline industry - "We're Hoping to Have a Motto Announcement in About an Hour."](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/motto-of-the-u-s-airline-industry-we-re-hoping-to-have-a-motto/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c6f/dave-barry-222_air-travel_motto-of-the-u-s-airline-industry-we-re_2631296.png)

> [This year, U.S. airlineswill carry a record 143 million passengers, who will be in the air for 382 million hours, during which…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/this-year-u-s-airlineswill-carry-a-record-143-million-passengers-who/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/850/dave-barry-222_air_this-year-u-s-airlineswill-carry-a-recor_1820012.png)

## Other authors on Airline

## More by Dave Barry

> [This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/this-is-true-virtually-all-edible-substances-and-many-automotive/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

> [This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/this-ball-was-so-crowded-that-it-took-me-a-trained-professional/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

> [The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like creature. That…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/the-hardest-thing-about-being-a-guy-is-that-women-don-t-accept-that/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

> [The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/the-ultimate-camping-trip-was-the-lewis-and-clark-expedition/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

> [Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/although-golf-was-originally-restricted-to-wealthy-overweight/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

> [Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/entire-new-continent-can-emerge-from-the-ocean-in-the-time-it-takes/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

> [He was distracted by a giggle, and turned to see a rare sight: a girl.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/he-was-distracted-by-a-giggle-and-turned-to-see-a-rare-sight-a-girl/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

> [The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/the-major-parties-could-conduct-live-human-sacrifices-on-their/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

> [If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/if-you-look-at-any-list-of-great-modern-writers-such-as-ernest/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

> [Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/don-t-you-wish-you-had-a-job-like-mine-all-you-have-to-do-is-think-up/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

> [“Despite the gulf, physical and cultural, between the United States and Japan, both societies are, in the end, made up of people, and people…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/despite-the-gulf-physical-and-cultural-between-the-united-states-and/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

> [Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/before-going-on-a-diet-you-should-consult-your-doctor-or-at-least/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

> [Never trust anything you read in a travel article.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/never-trust-anything-you-read-in-a-travel-article/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

> [In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it "Christmas" and went to church; the Jews called it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/in-the-old-days-it-was-not-called-the-holiday-season-the-christians/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

> [Always remember that if editors were so damned smart, they would know how to dress.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/always-remember-that-if-editors-were-so-damned-smart-they-would-know/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

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                        "text": "In modern America, food is abundant everywhere except aboard commercial airplanes.",
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                        "text": "Granted, this system is insane, but we must not let sanity stand in the way of airport security.",
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                        "text": "If Charles Lindbergh, flying with no instruments other than a bologna sandwich, managed to cross the Atlantic and land safely on a runway completely covered with French people, why are today's airplanes, which are equipped with radar and computers and individualized liquor bottles, unable to cope with fog?",
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                        "text": "The planes are crowded and noisy and late, and everybody hates everybody. If armed terrorists had tried to hijack any of the flights I've been on lately, we passengers would have swiftly beaten them to death with those hard rolls you get with your in-flight meals.",
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                        "text": "The Hawaiian Islands were discovered by hardy Polynesian sailors, who crossed thousands of miles of open ocean in primitive canoes, braving violent storm-tossed seas for months at a time. My family and I arrived by modern commercial aviation, which was infinitely worse.",
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                        "text": "You should definitely have a travel agent. Why go through all the hassle of dealing with airlines, hotels, and rental-car agencies yourself, only to see the arrangements get all screwed up, when with just a single phone call you can have a trained professional screw them up for you?",
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                        "text": "A hundred years ago, it could take you the better part of a year to get from New York to California; whereas today, because of equipment problems at O'Hare, you can't get there at all.",
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                        "text": "It is an inconvenience, being located in a city where taxes are ludicrously high, where you pay twice your annual income to rent an apartment that could easily be carried on a commercial airline flight.",
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                        "text": "Airline food is not intended for human consumption. It's intended as a form of in-flight entertainment, wherein the object is to guess what it is, starting with broad categories such as \"mineral\" and \"linoleum.\"",
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                        "text": "Speaking of food, English cuisine has received a lot of unfair criticism over the years, but the truth is that it can be a very pleasant surprise to the connoisseur of severely overcooked livestock organs served in lukewarm puddles of congealed grease. England manufactures most of the world's airline food, as well as all the food you ever ate in your junior-high-school cafeteria.",
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                        "text": "This is an especially good time for you vacationers who plan to fly, because the Reagan administration, as part of the same policy under which it recently sold Yellowstone National Park to Wayne Newton, has \"deregulated\" the airline industry. What this means for you, the consumer, is that the airlines are no longer required to follow any rules whatsoever. They can show snuff movies. They can charge for oxygen. They can hire pilots right out of Vending Machine Refill Person School.",
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                        "text": "Here in the news media, our focus is on speed. When we get hold of some new and possibly inaccurate information, our highest priority is to get it to you, the public, before our competitors do. If the news media owned airlines, there would be a lot less concern about how many planes crashed, and a lot more concern about whose plane hit the ground first.",
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                        "text": "Motto of the U.S. airline industry - \"We're Hoping to Have a Motto Announcement in About an Hour.\"",
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                        "text": "This year, U.S. airlineswill carry a record 143 million passengers, who will be in the air for 382 million hours, during which they will be fed an estimated total of four peanuts.",
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}
```
